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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Mother of a Transgendered Child

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Hello!

My name is Jennifer, I am 31 years old and the mother of two amazing children. My oldest child is 11 years old and really intelligent. Now, I know parents say that a lot about their children but she really is very smart. She is 11 years old and already taking high school credits and next year she will be taking college credits. She is spunky and has a mind and style all her own. She never follows the crowd and is a trend setter at her school.

My youngest is also just as awesome and unique. My youngest came and sat me down about 2 months ago. Actually, my oldest came to me first and said, "Mom, Erin and I have something that we need to talk to you about." That is when I sat down with my kids and had my youngest tell me, "Mom, I'm a girl." I had no idea what to think at first; you see, Erin had been in fact born Aaron, a boy. Now, I have seen the signs since she was very young but always would tell her that she is a boys and boys don't dress or act that way. When my kids sat me down, however, it hit me. Erin had been confiding in her sister for a while; they would dress up together in private, too afraid to tell me cause Erin did not want to disappoint me. I thought it over for a minute and thought about how I have always told my kids they could be whatever they wanted to be, that I would always love them because I am their mother. I realized I could not be upset, that no matter what, this is still my child; my child I gave birth to and have loved and still love with all my heart and soul.

Ever since Erin has came out to me and people around her, she has been a totally different child; happier and more at peace. Erin used to be an introvert and a troublemaker at home. She would throw tantrums, backtalk, and try to cause self harm, but ever since she has came out to the world, she is very lovable, very well behaved, and has so many friends. I have seen so many people point accusing fingers at me, telling me that somehow this is my fault and that I am crazy for allowing Erin to be herself instead of boy. They did not see the child before the transformation.

I want parents and everyone to think about something before pointing fingers and making accusations. Think about how I said my child was self harming before coming out. It was scary not knowing how to help my child because they felt alone. You can't tell me therapy would have been suffice because I tried therapy and hospitalization, cause I did not know at the time why Erin was self harming. Trust me, nothing worked. But ever since Erin has came out to me and has support now from therapist and me, she has done a total turn around.

As a parent, it is our duty to protect our children and love them forever. It is our duty to nurture them and encourage them. On top of all that, though, it is not our job to tell them what they can or cannot be. We need to help them find their talents and to nurture those talents. Love them unconditionally.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Replies (1371-1380):
mom4life5107
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:23 PM

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. YOU ARE THE BEST.

ResumesbyGina
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:32 PM
HOW, PRAY TELL, WOULD YOU MAKE SURE IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN???????
That's the funniest thing I have heard. I lived with it. You have no right to judge or think you know what to do.
You can't force a child to be what you want him to be. this is so ignorant and non christian thinking. I am praying hard and
thanking God for giving my trans child to me and not you!!


Quoting Anonymous:

Ok I'm not one to judge but when it comes to God I have to say something. First God did not make your child transgender. He may have more feminine traits but that DOES not mean he is a girl by no meas! God clearly says we were wonderfully made in the mothers womb. If God wanted him to be a female he would have made him a female. I'm not one to judge to say you will go to hell only God can do that. But it is so sad! As a mother to a 15 month old boy if he came to me as said something like that I would make sure it wouldn't happen. But that would never happen cause I raised him right as a little boy that God wanted him to be!

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ResumesbyGina
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:41 PM
my child never saw a transgender child at 4 when he told me "Mommy, what if there was a girl and there was a boy living inside her body?" What do you think I did, allow him to watch "The Transgender Network Channel?" duh!


Quoting Anonymous:


Its what I call good parenting  and im not exposing my children to this nonsense .  I dont allow anyyone to smoke around my children because I dont want them to be curious about it .  I dont allow anyone to use profanity around my children  because children are impresionable  and pick those things up .  If one of my children  grows up and decides they are gay or transgender  it will be a choice  and not an influence .  I wont end up with a transgender child  because little Alex / Alexis at school is transgender and its seem like a cool thing to be . Im not closed minded .  I have nothing against  L , G, B, or T  people .  I do have problems  when others try to influence  my children with their choices .  This is the same is the little  thug down the street . I wont allow my children to play with him because its clear the path this child is going down .  He has no adult supervision  and seems to be raising himself .  He very disrespectful to the little girl in the neighborhood  calling them bitches and what not .  Its  clear this child act this way because of the influences around him .  Little boys dont just learn to call girls bitches . He has seen a man somewhere talk to women this way and now he himself believes its ok .   So hell no , I wouldn't allow my child to play with this kids  becuase  I know the power of influence . 


Quoting lil_momma_vdv:

Very sad, I'm so glad you were not blessed with a child that might be different. Because of these negative judgments on such sensitive people/teens kill themselves. You can't help who you are. I bet she is a wonderful little person, i would happy allow my children to be around her, that way my babies wont grow up to be so closed minded and be scared of people that beat to their own drum!!!





Quoting Anonymous:


I agree 100% .  Cafe mom is a huge site   and honestly speaking  If I recognized this child as a kids in my kids classroom or something , my child would not be allowed to play with this kid . As a parent I will not allow these types of influences around my  children .  Many people will feel this way  once they find out this is a boy in girls clothing .  Just out of curosity , at school  does she use the girls or boys bathroom .  I only ask because if I had daughters I would be livid if I found out a boy was going into the girls  bathroom  regardless of how she was dressed . 



Quoting Anonymous:

As a clinical therapist working with children, I have never treated a young client with a diagnosus of gender identity disorder but I am really hoping you will find a clinician with the skills and expertise to provide the professional support your child will need over the next several years. Also, I would never in a million years put such personal information along with pictures on a public website.











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ResumesbyGina
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:45 PM
That all sounds so peaches and rainbows nice, but you better look deep into her eyes as she grows because if she doesn't naturally get out of her "tomboy" role and she knows of your disapproval, she will keep it in and keep it in and keep it in just to please you and God. Unfortunately, too many kids or adults (if they make it to adulthood) fall apart later because it was too important for your family to look good and follow your version of God's life for her. I don't want to disrespect your religion. I want you to be very careful. I have a child who is transgender. If we didn't accept him and support him I am pretty sure by his be havior as a child he would be dead by now.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm not going to bash you, but will probably get bashed myself here... lol You seem like a loving mom. Each to their own when parenting. What every family does is their business. I am speaking for my OWN self & family. I am not personally  bashing you, these are just my views on such issues.


Personally, I am of Christian faith, and do not believe in changing our sex. I have two girls. One of my girls is a "tom  boy"! She loves video games, hates makeup, nail polish, etc. I put her in gymnastics at 4 years old, she hated it, so we took her out. I encourage her to do the things she loves, and do not force her to be really "girly". However, I have told her that she is a GIRL, and will be raised as a girl. She was born a female, therefore she will be raised a female. My wish is for her to finish H.S., college, get a great job, and maybe marry the right man someday, and have kids if she wishes.


I believe marriage is between a man & a woman... because two men or two women can not naturally bear a child. Whatever she does as an adult is her business though, and I will love her no matter what. However, while she's a child, as long as she's under my roof, she was born a girl, and will be raised as a girl. 


 I just feel God made us what we are, when we have to surgically change our sex, we aren't living out God's plan for us in life.


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ResumesbyGina
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:48 PM
Transgender people are not necessarily gay. Please find in bible for me God's feelings about transgender people.


Quoting Anonymous:

It's simple. We believe we came from God, and we worship him. It isn't a fairy tale, it's a fact. God is love & very loving. If people would believe in him, pray to him, and get to know him, they might just like him.


Two men, and two women can not have a child, that is a FACT as well! When animals breed, it is a male & female. You would think that would tell you something... People want to do just whatever they want these days, and not answer to God about it. This world wants no rules, we don't listen to or acknowledge God as we should. It's offensive to say his name anymore to many people, but it's OK to discuss everything else under the sun in this world!




Quoting Anonymous:

I really don't understand how all of you live your life based on "Gods plan".

How can such a fairy tale influence your every day lives like this?!

Sad.


Quoting Anonymous:


I'm not going to bash you, but will probably get bashed myself here... lol You seem like a loving mom. Each to their own when parenting. What every family does is their business. I am speaking for my OWN self & family. I am not personally  bashing you, these are just my views on such issues.



Personally, I am of Christian faith, and do not believe in changing our sex. I have two girls. One of my girls is a "tom  boy"! She loves video games, hates makeup, nail polish, etc. I put her in gymnastics at 4 years old, she hated it, so we took her out. I encourage her to do the things she loves, and do not force her to be really "girly". However, I have told her that she is a GIRL, and will be raised as a girl. She was born a female, therefore she will be raised a female. My wish is for her to finish H.S., college, get a great job, and maybe marry the right man someday, and have kids if she wishes.



I believe marriage is between a man & a woman... because two men or two women can not naturally bear a child. Whatever she does as an adult is her business though, and I will love her no matter what. However, while she's a child, as long as she's under my roof, she was born a girl, and will be raised as a girl. 



 I just feel God made us what we are, when we have to surgically change our sex, we aren't living out God's plan for us in life.




 


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ResumesbyGina
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:53 PM
I read all your posts. I hear you about the age. And I understand how that could be difficult to understand.
Please watch my child's video my daughter made about him. go to www.youtube.com and type in search box - Meet Rocky Documentary

My child came to me at 4. Says he knew since 2. We labeled him a tomboy and let him dress as a boy but still called him by girl's name. Unfortunately, if you talk to him now you would learn that he was so depressed because we were treating him opposite of how he felt. And he acted out severely because of it. I don't believe in surgery at such a young age of course, but I wish I could just get you to understand how sad, how terribly sad he was all those years until he demanded to be treated in every way as a boy when he got to 7th grade. Please watch the video.


Quoting renijazzysmom:

Seriously I will not do research on this topic, because it does not concern me. I don't care about transgendered people.

And because I don't really care about this topic, I see no where in the original post where the mom talks about any medicinal reason her son thinks she is a female. And no I did not and I do not plan on reading all the replies to see what she says, because I don't care about any reason she states for being transgendered. Because like I have told all of you idiot annons, it's not the transgendered part I care about. It's the age .

In no way am I narrow minded, I just don't agree with you. Do you call everyone that doesn't agree with you an narrow minded bitch.




Quoting Anonymous:


Okay you really should do some research. There are people in this world who are born with a penis but have extra female chromosomes and even ovaries. This means that biologically they are female even if the plumbing does not match. You are narrow minded and a bitch..... but you were probably born that way and already knew that.





Quoting renijazzysmom:

Well if he was born a female then he wouldn't be transgendered. Since he was born with a penis he is boy.


It's pretty clear we don't agree on this topic. I do not think children should be allowed to make this choice, if he was an adult and decided he wanted to be a female then i wouldn't care. At his age he shouldn't be allowed to do make life altering decisions








Quoting indyb:


She didn't CHOOSE to be a girl either she was born that way. 




Quoting renijazzysmom:

Not even close to the same thing, they need to breath to survive. Letting her son wear girl clothes and acting like a girl is a choice. He can choose to be a boy or a girl. You don't choose to breath.











Quoting indyb:


She let her child be what she is,  to try and control such a decision would be like trying to control whether or not your child gets to breath! 





Quoting renijazzysmom:

Oh well. I think it's a shame people let such young children make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.














Quoting Kittykatx:

Shame they'll probably resent you for not accepting them.
















Quoting renijazzysmom:

I would never allow my child to change their gender at that young of a age. They could become a man all they want after they leave my house.


































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Ricanme
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Congratulations.........I agree w/you 100% we need to sit down and listen to our children.  By talking w/our children we are not only their parents but become a friend as well.  Doing this teaches our children that they can talk and trust us with any problems or situations  they might have. 

fizzylizzy77
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:54 PM

You are amazing and i think you are a wonderful example of unconditional love a parent has for their child!

deepthinker
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:23 PM



Quoting ResumesbyGina:

And what would you do if you child told you he wanted to die because he just can't wear the clothes you want him to wear outside?
Would you put a dress on your little boy? How do you think he would feel? That's how our kids feel when we force them to wear the clothes that match their physical body. I know how hard this is but at some point you stop worrying about everything else except your child's mental health. That hit me hard when I saw a family of a transgender 6 year old who tried to kill himself at 5.


Quoting deepthinker:

I believe sex and gender are two different things.  So I do feel that a person this age can feel as if they were born into the wrong body, without knowing or experiencing sexuality.  I am happy that your child came out to you, and you are accepting of her.  I think your child changed for the better, because she was able to reveal her secret.

I was wondering though if you allow her to dress as a girl outside of the home.

Although, I do agree that being transgender is okay, I would have reservations of letting a child dress as girl outside the home, due to backlash and the dangers of society at such a fragile age.  I think it's hard for an adult, let alone a child to fully grasp the scope of societies acceptance or non-acceptance of living as a transgender.  Personally if my child stated that they were a girl, but born a boy.  Outside my home they would not have to dress in hyper-masculine clothing, but they will be steered toward gender neutral clothing.  I think that the fact that she hid it from you and the ones she loves initially and the fact that she was hurting herself, shows that she may not be mentally ready for the way others will see her and treat her as girl, and could mentally harm her by how she is received, if recevied negatively.  

But overall, I do believe that you embraced the situation in a positive and loving way, and I wish you a your girls good luck.


As I said before, my child would wear gender NEUTRAL clothing.  Clothing doesn't have to be hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine. My daughter doesn't wear dresses all the time, mostly only playing dress up, and my son isn't dressed in combat gear and sports gear.  My children wear jeans and T-shirts or sweaters the majority of the time.  Which can be worn by either sex. So as a parent, my child whether gay, straight, transgender, lesbian, or anything else where clothing that I find appropriate.  If my teen daughter wants to dress like a prostitute.  I wouldn't let her dress like one because she said she would kill herself.  Obviously a child willing to kill themselves because of the clothing they have to wear needs help mentally regardless of sexual orientation or gender classification.  They need to understand their feelings and their emotions, before they can even assume any identity.  I said it once, and I'll say it again... They need to understand themselves and their feelings, their coping capabilites, their approach to life and death, their approach to mental and physical issues, before clothing even comes into play. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:36 PM
I'm not dealing with this anymore.. I'm over this one.. It's not my place to judge.. So therefore I have nothing to say


Quoting mom4life5107:

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. YOU ARE THE BEST.


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