Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Mother of a Transgendered Child

Posted by   + Show Post

Hello!

My name is Jennifer, I am 31 years old and the mother of two amazing children. My oldest child is 11 years old and really intelligent. Now, I know parents say that a lot about their children but she really is very smart. She is 11 years old and already taking high school credits and next year she will be taking college credits. She is spunky and has a mind and style all her own. She never follows the crowd and is a trend setter at her school.

My youngest is also just as awesome and unique. My youngest came and sat me down about 2 months ago. Actually, my oldest came to me first and said, "Mom, Erin and I have something that we need to talk to you about." That is when I sat down with my kids and had my youngest tell me, "Mom, I'm a girl." I had no idea what to think at first; you see, Erin had been in fact born Aaron, a boy. Now, I have seen the signs since she was very young but always would tell her that she is a boys and boys don't dress or act that way. When my kids sat me down, however, it hit me. Erin had been confiding in her sister for a while; they would dress up together in private, too afraid to tell me cause Erin did not want to disappoint me. I thought it over for a minute and thought about how I have always told my kids they could be whatever they wanted to be, that I would always love them because I am their mother. I realized I could not be upset, that no matter what, this is still my child; my child I gave birth to and have loved and still love with all my heart and soul.

Ever since Erin has came out to me and people around her, she has been a totally different child; happier and more at peace. Erin used to be an introvert and a troublemaker at home. She would throw tantrums, backtalk, and try to cause self harm, but ever since she has came out to the world, she is very lovable, very well behaved, and has so many friends. I have seen so many people point accusing fingers at me, telling me that somehow this is my fault and that I am crazy for allowing Erin to be herself instead of boy. They did not see the child before the transformation.

I want parents and everyone to think about something before pointing fingers and making accusations. Think about how I said my child was self harming before coming out. It was scary not knowing how to help my child because they felt alone. You can't tell me therapy would have been suffice because I tried therapy and hospitalization, cause I did not know at the time why Erin was self harming. Trust me, nothing worked. But ever since Erin has came out to me and has support now from therapist and me, she has done a total turn around.

As a parent, it is our duty to protect our children and love them forever. It is our duty to nurture them and encourage them. On top of all that, though, it is not our job to tell them what they can or cannot be. We need to help them find their talents and to nurture those talents. Love them unconditionally.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Replies (1451-1459):
when14
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi I want to tell you that I applaud you and your children.  I would love to meet you.  My daughter is almost 17 years old, and at 13 she had something to tell her father and I.  We looked at her and said we knew, and she looked freaked out, and asked what we knew, and we said "that you are gay".  Erica hugged us both and asked if we still loved her, and all we could say is more than anything and everything in the universe.  People have no no business pointing fingers at anyone.  I had at least 4 people say to me it was my fault.  I nicely said you know it's not a fault, it's something a child is born with.  My daughter is adopted from China and whether it has to do with it being decided when she was inutero or her surroundings, it doesn't matter, she is who she is and I love her to pieces and so does my husband.  Give both of your girls hugs, and know that you are doing a wonderful job.

Love them for who they are and love yourself for being who you are.

aberge6
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:44 PM

You're 100% right! Let's set an EXACT age where kids can act and show how they feel? How does 20 sound to you? 

WAIT, nope, sorry, I can't even pretend to be as crazy as you. 

Also, I'm sorry that my open minded ways sicken you...


Quoting renijazzysmom:

I'm pretty open minded, like I have said all along, I don't care that the child thinks its transgendered, I don't think a child at such a young age should be allowed to change their appearance and act like the other sex.
And I love my kids no matter what also. they could be lesbians or whatever they want to be, but they won't be acting out on those decisions till they are older. People like you sicken me, by letting your young children make life altering decisions.


Quoting aberge6:


I don't have to worry about my son thank you. We are open minded loving people who love our child no matter what gender he decided to be or if he ends up being gay!. It's people like you who sicken me. From a young age we know our gender. And this poor little girl has always known her true gender, and now she gets to embrace it because she has a loving and supporting family.


Quoting renijazzysmom:

I'm not closed minded. And trust me my kids are going to be okay, they don't need you or any one else to worry about them. And we defiantly don't need any help raising our kids. My daughters are smart, kind and respectful, because of how we are raising them. They have never been in trouble at school and are at the top of their classes. So leave my kids out of your stupid comments and worry about your own kids.





Quoting aberge6:


Well, you're going to need all the help you can get with being so closed minded. Poor kids.



Quoting renijazzysmom:

I'm not raising my kids on luck, but thanks anyways.








Quoting aberge6:


Good luck raising you kids, you're going to need all the luck you can get.




Quoting renijazzysmom:

Oh well. I think it's a shame people let such young children make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.











Quoting Kittykatx:

Shame they'll probably resent you for not accepting them.













Quoting renijazzysmom:

I would never allow my child to change their gender at that young of a age. They could become a man all they want after they leave my house.




























KristenFowles
by Ruby Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm glad Erin has YOU as her mother, or this story could be VERY different.

renijazzysmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Your still talking about this? I have moved on to other topics and I'm completely over talking to you about this subject. You will not change my mind.


Quoting aberge6:

You're 100% right! Let's set an EXACT age where kids can act and show how they feel? How does 20 sound to you? 

WAIT, nope, sorry, I can't even pretend to be as crazy as you. 

Also, I'm sorry that my open minded ways sicken you...



Quoting renijazzysmom:

I'm pretty open minded, like I have said all along, I don't care that the child thinks its transgendered, I don't think a child at such a young age should be allowed to change their appearance and act like the other sex.

And I love my kids no matter what also. they could be lesbians or whatever they want to be, but they won't be acting out on those decisions till they are older. People like you sicken me, by letting your young children make life altering decisions.





Quoting aberge6:


I don't have to worry about my son thank you. We are open minded loving people who love our child no matter what gender he decided to be or if he ends up being gay!. It's people like you who sicken me. From a young age we know our gender. And this poor little girl has always known her true gender, and now she gets to embrace it because she has a loving and supporting family.



Quoting renijazzysmom:

I'm not closed minded. And trust me my kids are going to be okay, they don't need you or any one else to worry about them. And we defiantly don't need any help raising our kids. My daughters are smart, kind and respectful, because of how we are raising them. They have never been in trouble at school and are at the top of their classes. So leave my kids out of your stupid comments and worry about your own kids.








Quoting aberge6:


Well, you're going to need all the help you can get with being so closed minded. Poor kids.




Quoting renijazzysmom:

I'm not raising my kids on luck, but thanks anyways.











Quoting aberge6:


Good luck raising you kids, you're going to need all the luck you can get.





Quoting renijazzysmom:

Oh well. I think it's a shame people let such young children make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives.














Quoting Kittykatx:

Shame they'll probably resent you for not accepting them.
















Quoting renijazzysmom:

I would never allow my child to change their gender at that young of a age. They could become a man all they want after they leave my house.






































Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
jewel80
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:40 PM
People who are bashing this mom you should be ashamed of yourselves!!! They have found that most transgendered people have missing or extra chromosones!! So its not a mental issue its physical! Its biology! Would you tell a blind person oh youre only blind bc its allowed and accepted in society now, you only think youre blind bc of th media you only think youre blind bc of how youre raised! Do you see how crazy those statements are!!!!! Your hateful statements are just as crazy! Its a medical issue has nothing to do with media parents environment!ยก!! You are being a great mom keep supporting your child!!!!!!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
delilahsmom1177
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:44 PM

Lucky little girl to have such a wonderfulk mommy!

I'm a tattooed,bisexual,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

jewel80
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:52 PM
Savnnah, there actually is a disorder where kids cant eat certain foods bc of texture, taste, smell or al of them they have a very limited palate they are very very picky eaters but guess what its not them being picky it IS THE WAY THEIR BRAIN IS WIRED its called sensory processing disorder you really should come up with something better! You need to be more sensitive to people and do your research! It is a matter of certain chromosones missing or extra ones it is their dna its not them just wanting to be a certain sex there is a real physical reason for it, it is their brain! Do some research! I would hate to be your kid! Would you tell a kid who is blind, oh you just think you are you can see or its your moms fault for letting you choose to be blind????


Quoting ResumesbyGina:

No disrespect meant. Its just that it is so hard to explain the turmoil we went through with my child. I didnt "let" my child be another gender. I dressed him very neutral. Wouldnt let him wear boys suits or anything that would make it hard for him (physically female. But this child lived as a boy no matter what we did. Can you please try to imagine every night and i mean EVERY night - your child crying every time u tucked him in begging God to give him the "right" body. Imagine how your heart breaks when your child repeatedly brings you to the mirror and asks you what you see and fall to pieces everytime u say u see a beautiful little girl. This went on from age 4 to 7. After that the acting out got real bad. At school he acted and behaved like a boy. He refused anything girlie. I had to hide the scissors cuz he had to cut the hair off. Every day of his life begging us to just see what he felt inside. Once i got the right education and the therapy he needed i found that he is so much happier now. Did you watch the video about him on youtube? Its 8 minutes long and made by his sister. It doesnt try to change your mind but it does try to humanize people to what a transgender child is. We are all going back and forth but not understanding what the child is feeling. I am not trying to change your mind but i wish you would watch. If u want juat go to youtube.com and type in search box - Meet Rocky Documentary.




Quoting SavannahV:

There is no need to pray for me. I know very well I am not perfect, I do not know where you got that I feel superior. I couldn't care less if my child is gay or not. The only thing that worrys me is the psychological damage the child might have if you change his/her gender to early in life. What if he or she gets even more confused? What if he or she changes his or her mind? Then what? 

Then there is your argument. That he/she will be in emotional turmoil, that there could be psychological damage if the parent does not let him/her express himself/herself. Then there will be bullying, more psychological damage. So why not go with the first option? Let him or her make a more informed and intelligent decsion once he or she gets older.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So both sides are wrong. The question is which is MORE wrong. Which is MORE damaging to the child. 

Quoting ResumesbyGina:

I am not talking about tantrums like when a kid wants a cookie and you tell them "NO". I am talking about a child in genuine stress every day because they just don't understand why you are treating them opposite to how they feel. You would deny a child's feelings to suit your version of what God wants. My God loves me and my family because we are kind, loving, non judgmental people who are flawed and you with your so very perfect attitude makes me so grateful you do not have a child like this. Almost every child I have read about with parents like you have hurt or killed themselves because they were gay, transgender or something that doesn't fit in with your mold. I would love to know what you would have done with my child if you had him crying every day and begging you to listen to him and hating who he was on the outside and what would you have done to him when he was trying to cut his hair off to look like a girl or when he took a knife and wanted to die. What would you have done with this child if he wouldn't stop feeling bad every day?????? I am scared to even think about it. My daughter's friend tried to kill herself because her mother told her and her brother that if they ever said they were gay she would not allow it. I believe in God but I know that God would not want me to lose my child to please him. A good Christian may not understand what I go through but would at least be loving and show some compassion. I will pray for you and yours.








Quoting SavannahV:

No, giving in to a childs tantrums is bad parenting. It has nothing to do with ther feelings. And you obviously do not understand God.  

Quoting ResumesbyGina:

Regarding the name, when my kid was called by his real girl name he became so depressed. The church that he went to for summer camp refused to call him by his male nickname and he just decided he wouldn't go there anymore. If I called him by the girl name he would get sad, violent, etc. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE HURTING A CHILD INSIDE BY REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS??? Thank God you do not have a child like this. Then again, from what I am reading, he seems to only give these special children to moms who can help them.











Quoting SavannahV:

okay, what if you cook carrots and the child says "My brain won't let me eat this!", would you give in and get the child a cookie, or recognize that he/she is to young to think things through and needs health food rather than candy? 

The point is, a child cannot think something so complicated and important through It's been proven. When the child grows older and still wants to be a girl/ boy, then fine. 

My mother is a teacher and had a 5 year old boy in her class named Seth, but wanted to be called Belle. She did the right thing and continued to call him Seth becasue he is to young and that's his legal name.

And he is changing genders. He is legally a male and his mother plans for him to become a legal female. Legally, he is on the track to changing his gender.

Quoting ResumesbyGina:

He's not changing genders. She is just being allowed to be who she feels inside. When I used to put girl clothes on my child I would find him crouched in a room crying and say to me, "My brain won't let me wear this!" Let's start thinking how the child is feeling inside. If a child says she likes vanilla ice cream would you tell her, "NO YOU DON'T! YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE!" You may eventually get her to like chocolate and say she does not like vanilla, but I think you understand the psychological damage involved in denying her true feelings. Does that analogy help at all????














Quoting SavannahV:

 I think it's great your supporting him, but I still think it's to young for him to be changing genders.


















Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:54 PM
Your kids are lucky to have you.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 2, 2013 at 10:57 PM
There's no need to argue with foolishness. This person should have their children taken away for what she is doing.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)