If a man wants a woman to do something she's really uncomfortable with he's considered a douche but if a woman keeps bugging a man to do something in bed he's uncomfortable with he's considered selfish. To me that's wrong. If you expect him to respect your wishes you should respect his.
He may have genuine reasons for not wanting to do something, maybe he was abused, but frankly even if he jst does not want to that should be good enough. if you expect your partner to do something that makes them really ncomfortable then you are being a self-centered jerk regardless of your gender.