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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should I Continue This Friendship?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies
1 mom liked this
There's a girl I've been friends with for almost 10yrs. She's my best friend. We've been through so much together, and our friendship has weathered some really hard times, but it made us closer.
My friend left her husband about 10 months ago. He was cheating, lied, manipulated her, never helped her with anything, and pretty much treated her like she was his slave. He was horrible to her. I was happy to see her leave him, and they divorced several months later.
My friend is now with a guy who is just as bad as her ex, and in some cases worse. I can't stand her boyfriend, and I have no respect for him. Since she started seeing this guy, I rarely see her, and she only calls or texts when he's at work. Once he's home, its like I don't exist to her. I've only called her a couple times knowing he was home, she kept the conversations very short, and practically hung up on me. Now when I hear from her its only because she needs or wants something. DH and I have given her a lot of money, and we're always helping her with something new about once a week.
I don't really want much in return, just her time. I miss hanging out with my best friend. I don't remember the last time she and I hung out together for more than an 15mins or had a phone conversation longer than 5mins. It really hurts because I feel like she sees me as a resource to use rather than a friend. I know it has a lot to do with her boyfriend. I've offered her a way out many times, but she always refuses.
What makes this really hard for me is that she doesn't have anyone else besides me. Please don't bash. I'm a very loyal friend, and always have been, but this is breaking my heart. I've tried talking to her about this many times, but it never does any good. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I stand by her side and stick this out, or is it time for me to move on with my life without her?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
moosesmom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:20 PM
Move on
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yaya89
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:24 PM
Stop providing her with stuff, but do let her know that she has your friendship, she will eventually need it when it doesn't work out with this other loser.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:24 PM

Go to the abused womens shelter and see if they have a copy of the list of telltale signs of abuse. One of them is when the abuser cuts the abused off from family and friends....

Even though she didn't like being abused, something in her leads her back to that sort of person. Until that is dealt with she will continue do be abused by partners.

Been there, got the bruises.

areyouatroll
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Id stop helping her out with favors or money, only lend an ear, and see where she takes the friendship...
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WinterRosesmom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:28 PM
This


Quoting yaya89:

Stop providing her with stuff, but do let her know that she has your friendship, she will eventually need it when it doesn't work out with this other loser.

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WinterRosesmom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:29 PM
This


Quoting Anonymous:

Go to the abused womens shelter and see if they have a copy of the list of telltale signs of abuse. One of them is when the abuser cuts the abused off from family and friends....

Even though she didn't like being abused, something in her leads her back to that sort of person. Until that is dealt with she will continue do be abused by partners.

Been there, got the bruises.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:07 AM
Thank you so much for the advice. I've been telling myself for quite sometime now that I need to stop giving in and helping her everytime she wants it. I always end up guilt tripping myself into helping her out anyway. Your advice is a good confirmation for me. Thank you!

Quoting yaya89:

Stop providing her with stuff, but do let her know that she has your friendship, she will eventually need it when it doesn't work out with this other loser.
shell3m
by Shell on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:09 AM

only you can answer that hun.  It's hard to leave someone you love behind and move on but at times it's what you must do; but like I said you have to be the one to decide that.  ((Hugs))


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:10 AM
1 mom liked this
That's an excellent idea, thank you! Luckily we have great womens resources in the area. Helping her to help herself is probably the best thing I could do for her. Thank you for the advice!

Quoting Anonymous:

Go to the abused womens shelter and see if they have a copy of the list of telltale signs of abuse. One of them is when the abuser cuts the abused off from family and friends....

Even though she didn't like being abused, something in her leads her back to that sort of person. Until that is dealt with she will continue do be abused by partners.

Been there, got the bruises.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:11 AM
Tell hee how you feel
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