what do you do when he says he doesn't love you "like that" anymore

[Anonymous]

he says he's been unhappy for a long time. says he knows i have been unhappy, too. says he is unable to be the husband I want.

i have always complained about lack of affection. lack of time spent together. his pot smoking.

he has always complained that I bitch too much. i guess i do. but nothing ever changes. now it's too late and he doesn't love me anymore.

we have been together 10 yrs. married almost 5. i love our family. he thinks the kids will be happier with us apart. i think the kids need us together.

what do i do? i have brought up therapy but he is only interested in going by himself. he says there is no other woman.

[PEEK05]

He needs to get on board with marriage counseling.  Tell him he can still go to a counselor by himself but that you two should also go together.

[HPfanatic]

Falling in love is chance, staying in love is work.

[anotherhalf]

Ask him if the kids would be happier if you work this out or happier having to go to two different houses, spend holidays with only one parent, and maybe have another man/woman come into their lives, maybe with children of their own.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

he claims the kids would be better off if we were apart

i cannot see how that is possible

Quoting anotherhalf:

Ask him if the kids would be happier if you work this out or happier having to go to two different houses, spend holidays with only one parent, and maybe have another man/woman come into their lives, maybe with children of their own.

[Anonymous]

Marriage Counseling. This honestly sounds like something that can be worked through. No infidelity or abuse involved...

[moosesmom]

Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They know when things aren't right between mom and dad. I agree with your husband on this. There are times when being separated is better for the children. It reduces the stress the kids may feel.

Quoting Anonymous:

he claims the kids would be better off if we were apart

i cannot see how that is possible

Quoting anotherhalf:

Ask him if the kids would be happier if you work this out or happier having to go to two different houses, spend holidays with only one parent, and maybe have another man/woman come into their lives, maybe with children of their own.

[etsmom]

Then encourage him to go by himself. A lot of people get the itch right around that time of the marriage. Perhaps he needs some time to figure out what is going on with him to figure out why he is so unhappy. It would do you good if you did that as well. Then maybe you can work on marriage counseling. I hope that things will work out for the both of you.

[moosesmom]

And unfortunately there's nothing you can do about the situation. If any relationship is going to work both people must WANT it to work. At this point you're in it alone :-( you can't force someone to be where they don't want to be. ((Hugs))

[Anonymous]

this is how I feel about my husband. I dont think I ever loved him. I probably married him just to be able to say I didn't have kids out of wedlock. Counseling isnt going to give me feelings I never had. No amount of counseling can do that. I find him physically repulsive, I hate having sex with him. Once I can afford to Im leaving. If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them go. Aren't you worth more than that? I wish I could get my stbx to understand that. He keeps thinking its something he did. I cant will myself to like or love anyone. I just dont.

[LeahJ]

I agree. Whle i do think marriages can get to the point that they cannot be repaired, this sounds like it's still fixable. You CAN fall in love again, but it takes letting go of old hurts and grudges and being willing to show affection and love again. It takes setting aside pride and that can be hard when your feelings have been hurt.

Quoting Anonymous:

Marriage Counseling. This honestly sounds like something that can be worked through. No infidelity or abuse involved...