ADHD? or Regular 4 Year Old?

[Anonymous]

How much impulse control should a 4 year old have? She seems to do things and you can see in her eyes that she just can't help herself. She will hit the window for instance (not all the time, but once in a while) She hits it repeatedly and I'll be asking her to stop. She does it two or three times after the words have come out of my mouth. Does it just take that long for her to process what I've said?

Sometimes she just hauls off and hits her brother for no reason. She breaks toys. She doesn't have any anger issues, she doesn't do things out of anger. We have consistent punishment for her, but after she does something she shows no remorse. She will say she's sorry, but she doesn't seem to mean it. She barely gets the words out and she starts talking about something else. "I'm sorry, can we play hide and seek now?"

 She has gotten better over the last year in some areas. I am beginning to wonder if this is more than just being 4. Her brother is half her age and he sits much nicer to eat at the table than she does, she's squirming constantly.

An example today is that we were watching TV together on the couch. He brothers foot was out, because he was laying on the couch. His foot was near her, not touching her. She punched his foot as hard as she could out of the blue.

She got a time out and had to apologise to him, hug him and tell him she loved him, but she seemed like it didn't phase her.She hasn't hit him again today but she seems like she has no empathy at all.

Everyone around me says "she's just 4" 

Is she "just 4"?

[LovelyMommy24]

I'm not sure, I will say that every child is different. To me, they don't seem that alarming but I'm not the one witnessing it. I would talk to her doctor if you're concerned. Good luck!

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting LovelyMommy24:

I'm not sure, I will say that every child is different. To me, they don't seem that alarming but I'm not the one witnessing it. I would talk to her doctor if you're concerned. Good luck!

Thank you. She is my first and I can be a worry wort about her sometimes.

[LovelyMommy24]

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting LovelyMommy24:

I'm not sure, I will say that every child is different. To me, they don't seem that alarming but I'm not the one witnessing it. I would talk to her doctor if you're concerned. Good luck!

Thank you. She is my first and I can be a worry wort about her sometimes.

You're welcome. It happens, mama. 

[Anonymous]

I go through this with my 4 year old, i think its normal 4. Although i openly admit mine is babied and i have had to get much stricter on him to counter being too soft his whole life. Going to 4k has helped allot too. He is turning 5 this week and finally growing out of the extreme tantrums and constant nit listening.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting Anonymous:

I go through this with my 4 year old, i think its normal 4. Although i openly admit mine is babied and i have had to get much stricter on him to counter being too soft his whole life. Going to 4k has helped allot too. He is turning 5 this week and finally growing out of the extreme tantrums and constant nit listening.

thank you. that is reassuring. My daughter's teacher pulled me aside yesterday to tell me she was hitting kids all day in class. It happened 5 times in one day. This has never happened in school before but I was like WTF?

[StoneColdKiller]

 If your unsure about this call your doctor and get a referrel to someone that can help you.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting StoneColdKiller:

 If your unsure about this call your doctor and get a referrel to someone that can help you.

the last thing I want to do is cart her to be evaluated if she's just being a normal kid. I thought I would get a bit of a consensus on here to see if my concerns are warranted.

[StoneColdKiller]

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting StoneColdKiller:

 If your unsure about this call your doctor and get a referrel to someone that can help you.

the last thing I want to do is cart her to be evaluated if she's just being a normal kid. I thought I would get a bit of a consensus on here to see if my concerns are warranted.

 I would be concern with the outlashing that has no motive. That might be nothing serious (not adhd or autism) but seeking help might get you help to deal with how to stop her from lashing out for no good reason.

You already feel something isnt okay, go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

LMAO at she doesn't have an anger problem but will then just haul off and punch her brother.

Sorry get a clue mama!

She also doesn't understand "apologies" it is just a word ot her so you are teaching her nothing!  Explain it to her, get down on her level.  Also, don't let her play hide and seek or whatever she asks for as she says sorry.

Change your parenting style.

I love how people jump to some sort of illness bc the way they parent is not working.

Could she have it? Maybe, but good chance it could be parenting as well.

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like a 4 year old with an issue that is not ADHD. The hitting behavior that you are concerned about seems to be so consistent, that it makes me think there is another issue (and not an OMG get your kid to a doctor problem) that needs to be addressed. Apologies and 4 year olds are not so awesome. They say sorry, but it isn't really something thu cognitively get 100% so chances are that is why you get the lack luster apologies (and chances are she is not sincerely sorry).

I really enjoy teacher tons perspective on hitting with young kids, and I think this first link helps illustrate that hitting isn't a "weird" thing for kids this age

http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/but-when-you-hit-him-it-hurts-him.html?m=1

This link, he talks about how he handles physical violence, and it might not be as "hard" as some people use, but personally, I hve found it really useful. The link will be for 2 year olds, as I can't find the older kid link but it can be a good starting point

http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2009/07/how-i-deal-with-hitting-and-kicking.html?m=1