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SS Got in trouble for Bullying...Sooo we taught him a lesson...

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He's been having some behavioral issues lately, along with how he's treating others. Friday he gets a note sent home stating how rude he is to teachers, and how he was caught putting "Kick Me" signs on the back of children he was laughing at. ...Well, that just won't fly in this house...

He had to wear this on the back of his shirt the entire time we were in Walmart. He was mortified. Angry. Livid. ...and once he began to see the children around his age, and older pointing and laughing, but never saying anything to him, he realized how much it Hurt. It hurts to be laughed at, and gawked at all because someone else felt like dragging you down. It hurts to watch people laugh at you, yet never help you. We then explained to him, what he was feeling, was the EXACT sensation those othe rkids felt while he sat there laughing. He said he'd never forget that happened to him, that we did that. We said, "Good.  Those children will never forget  YOU bullied them in the 3rd grade because you wanted to be cool. Do you feel cool now?" 

Lesson.Learned.


...and then we grounded him from his TV. You know...for good measure.

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 8:47 PM
Replies (161-170):
littlesippycup
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:09 PM

Sounds good to me.

harehelper
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:13 PM

If he doesn't, she will have to come up with something else. It is easy to say that you would never do this to your kids, because you haven't had to. But yes, I can agree to disagree. 

Quoting Anonymous:


And if he doesn't?

I guess we just have different ways of doing things. Agree to disagree. I wouldn't do it to my kids and I never have had a reason to.

Quoting harehelper:

I think it was perfect, because now the boy knows exactly what he made the other kids feel. He will never forget that, and if it turns his behavior around, then it was totally worth it.

Quoting Anonymous:


I never said humiliation is a bad thing. You can learn humiliation in many ways. Having your parents publicly shame you is not the way to teach someone how to be humble. I usually don't get involved in the entitlement discussions.....

Quoting harehelper:

As an adult, mabye that is true. But eight year olds are not mature enough to know or care that they need discipline. If they were, we wouldn't need to do it. And, as others have said, humiliation is not the awful thing you seem to think it is. Lack of humility is a big part of why we have so many bullies now. And those people with entitlement issues that we like to get together and complain about? Yeah, they would have greatly benefited from a little humiliation too.

Quoting Anonymous:


If I had done something wrong, yes I would expect to be disciplined and would choose it. I have no problem with people telling me when I've done something wrong and helping me to make better decisions. I woould not publicly humiliate any other person so why would I do it to the most important people in my life.

Quoting harehelper:

You haven't answered my question yet.

Quoting Anonymous:

public humiliation is not discipline...it's a cop out.


Quoting harehelper:

So how many times would you choose discipline for yourself?

Quoting Anonymous:

I prefer to treat my kids how I would want to be treated. But to each his own I guess.














Lullabylee89
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:17 PM

And I understand you when you sayd, "I've never had a reason to." I never acted the way SS acts. My parents divorced at a young age like his, my dad passed away at when I was his age. His mom is alive and well. Calls him everyday. His family loves him. My family loves him. I grew up with the same kind of love, but same disfunction (Divorce wise.) I got a step dad at the same age he got me. I got two sisters (Mine were older), just as he did. But I just never disrepected people like he did. I never bullied anyone, I never got bullied (Thankfully.) My mom rarely had to scold me. I can count on one hand how many times I was spanked. Each of those times, I learned my lesson and it never happened again. I was a one time lesson kind of kid, and quickly turned into a kid who just "knew better." So meeting SS and seeing my 17 yr old self in an 8 year old boy, was quite life changing. Granted, I didn't bully anyone at 17. I was friends with everyone and nice to everyone, and I didn't disrespect my teachers. But I was mouthy at home, just like every other girl my age. But there were just things I never ever said and did. So it was very frustrating and scary almost to realize I would have to handle this type of  child at such a young age. Especially knowing I couldnt' look back on how I was raised b.c I never acted that way. I grew up very respectful of my step father, but very stand-offish with him as well. I knew what he expected from me, but he wasn't my dad. It wasn't until I became a mother, that I called him one day and told him how much I loved him and I thanked him for raising me as he did because that's ALL I have to go on now as a step mom and mommy. 

I truly believed I'd never go through things like this, because I never did it as a child. So why would my children? ...but what if, WHAT IF, yours comes home one day with a note and you're dumb-founded as to how this happened in your "baby?" You'll do what I did. You'll spend a year ignoring it and givng them candy if they promise to stop. Telling them it's mean but you still love them and you're proud. Then you'll get a little miffed when it keeps happening...then you'll get a little pissed when it keeps happening. Then you'll get sad and stressed that life has come to this and you don't know what to do. Then you'll get heartbroken when you finally snap and do punish them, and wonder if you've scarred them for life. Then you realize how that one small moment only effected them about 5 minutes and they're back to laughing and loving every piece of you. You'll then realize that it's not going to be easy, and you're going to have to step in, but in the end they're going to still love you and if you're lucky the lesson will get learned and be done with. In my case, I just got that gleaming moment today. 

Quoting Anonymous:


And if he doesn't?

I guess we just have different ways of doing things. Agree to disagree. I wouldn't do it to my kids and I never have had a reason to.

Quoting harehelper:

I think it was perfect, because now the boy knows exactly what he made the other kids feel. He will never forget that, and if it turns his behavior around, then it was totally worth it.

Quoting Anonymous:


I never said humiliation is a bad thing. You can learn humiliation in many ways. Having your parents publicly shame you is not the way to teach someone how to be humble. I usually don't get involved in the entitlement discussions.....

Quoting harehelper:

As an adult, mabye that is true. But eight year olds are not mature enough to know or care that they need discipline. If they were, we wouldn't need to do it. And, as others have said, humiliation is not the awful thing you seem to think it is. Lack of humility is a big part of why we have so many bullies now. And those people with entitlement issues that we like to get together and complain about? Yeah, they would have greatly benefited from a little humiliation too.

Quoting Anonymous:


If I had done something wrong, yes I would expect to be disciplined and would choose it. I have no problem with people telling me when I've done something wrong and helping me to make better decisions. I woould not publicly humiliate any other person so why would I do it to the most important people in my life.

Quoting harehelper:

You haven't answered my question yet.

Quoting Anonymous:

public humiliation is not discipline...it's a cop out.


Quoting harehelper:

So how many times would you choose discipline for yourself?

Quoting Anonymous:

I prefer to treat my kids how I would want to be treated. But to each his own I guess.














Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Jan. 27, 2013 at 8:56 AM


This was your problem right here. You have no idea how to discipline. I don't mena this as an insult but if ignore a problem for a year, it won't make it go away. You chose not to deal with it and as it escalated, you became frustrated. The issue wasn't with your SS getting worse, it was with how you chose to deal with it.

Quoting Lullabylee89:

And I understand you when you sayd, "I've never had a reason to." I never acted the way SS acts. My parents divorced at a young age like his, my dad passed away at when I was his age. His mom is alive and well. Calls him everyday. His family loves him. My family loves him. I grew up with the same kind of love, but same disfunction (Divorce wise.) I got a step dad at the same age he got me. I got two sisters (Mine were older), just as he did. But I just never disrepected people like he did. I never bullied anyone, I never got bullied (Thankfully.) My mom rarely had to scold me. I can count on one hand how many times I was spanked. Each of those times, I learned my lesson and it never happened again. I was a one time lesson kind of kid, and quickly turned into a kid who just "knew better." So meeting SS and seeing my 17 yr old self in an 8 year old boy, was quite life changing. Granted, I didn't bully anyone at 17. I was friends with everyone and nice to everyone, and I didn't disrespect my teachers. But I was mouthy at home, just like every other girl my age. But there were just things I never ever said and did. So it was very frustrating and scary almost to realize I would have to handle this type of  child at such a young age. Especially knowing I couldnt' look back on how I was raised b.c I never acted that way. I grew up very respectful of my step father, but very stand-offish with him as well. I knew what he expected from me, but he wasn't my dad. It wasn't until I became a mother, that I called him one day and told him how much I loved him and I thanked him for raising me as he did because that's ALL I have to go on now as a step mom and mommy. 

I truly believed I'd never go through things like this, because I never did it as a child. So why would my children? ...but what if, WHAT IF, yours comes home one day with a note and you're dumb-founded as to how this happened in your "baby?" You'll do what I did. You'll spend a year ignoring it and givng them candy if they promise to stop. Telling them it's mean but you still love them and you're proud. Then you'll get a little miffed when it keeps happening...then you'll get a little pissed when it keeps happening. Then you'll get sad and stressed that life has come to this and you don't know what to do. Then you'll get heartbroken when you finally snap and do punish them, and wonder if you've scarred them for life. Then you realize how that one small moment only effected them about 5 minutes and they're back to laughing and loving every piece of you. You'll then realize that it's not going to be easy, and you're going to have to step in, but in the end they're going to still love you and if you're lucky the lesson will get learned and be done with. In my case, I just got that gleaming moment today. 

Quoting Anonymous:


And if he doesn't?

I guess we just have different ways of doing things. Agree to disagree. I wouldn't do it to my kids and I never have had a reason to.

Quoting harehelper:

I think it was perfect, because now the boy knows exactly what he made the other kids feel. He will never forget that, and if it turns his behavior around, then it was totally worth it.

Quoting Anonymous:


I never said humiliation is a bad thing. You can learn humiliation in many ways. Having your parents publicly shame you is not the way to teach someone how to be humble. I usually don't get involved in the entitlement discussions.....

Quoting harehelper:

As an adult, mabye that is true. But eight year olds are not mature enough to know or care that they need discipline. If they were, we wouldn't need to do it. And, as others have said, humiliation is not the awful thing you seem to think it is. Lack of humility is a big part of why we have so many bullies now. And those people with entitlement issues that we like to get together and complain about? Yeah, they would have greatly benefited from a little humiliation too.

Quoting Anonymous:


If I had done something wrong, yes I would expect to be disciplined and would choose it. I have no problem with people telling me when I've done something wrong and helping me to make better decisions. I woould not publicly humiliate any other person so why would I do it to the most important people in my life.

Quoting harehelper:

You haven't answered my question yet.

Quoting Anonymous:

public humiliation is not discipline...it's a cop out.


Quoting harehelper:

So how many times would you choose discipline for yourself?

Quoting Anonymous:

I prefer to treat my kids how I would want to be treated. But to each his own I guess.
















Mommytotwins44
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:02 AM
i totally agree with what you did! good job mamma! hope it taught him a lesson....
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LaughingTattoo
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:09 AM

For the ladies arguing this is bad parenting, what would suggest she do? She obviously talked to him before. And he continued with the same damaging behavior. So, she gave him a taste of his own medicine. Sometimes you DO need to walk in others shoes to get it. Ive had things done to me where I thought "Damn......and now Im in the same place as those I judged".

Im not a fan of humiliation as parenting, HOWEVER that is not what this was. She made her son go through the same thing he puts those children through in a controlled setting.

I wish more parents would stop pussy footing around when their child starts hurting other people with their actions

Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:26 AM
A 14 yr old punched your 6 yr old? Was he punished at all? I would be so freaking pissed!


Quoting gwebkeijmmm:

Good for you.

My son (six) was punched in the face by a 14 year old kid on the wrestling team (the side of his face was bruised) and all his parents did was make excuses and then try to place the blame on my child. When that didn't work they went on a rant about how people need to know both sides of the story, whatever the hell that meant. Surprise, surprise, this kid was in trouble a week later for cussing out a teacher. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 31 on Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:56 AM
I like it but then i don't. This could back fire on you or maybe not. Only time will tell.
gwebkeijmmm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:09 AM
He got suspended from school for a week. You'd think hitting an autistic six year old would get you more than that, but, no. We tried to pursue pressing charges but apparently there wasn't enough evidence. Witnesses, bruising, the kid admitting it... not enough since there is no camera on the bus.

Quoting Anonymous:

A 14 yr old punched your 6 yr old? Was he punished at all? I would be so freaking pissed!




Quoting gwebkeijmmm:

Good for you.

My son (six) was punched in the face by a 14 year old kid on the wrestling team (the side of his face was bruised) and all his parents did was make excuses and then try to place the blame on my child. When that didn't work they went on a rant about how people need to know both sides of the story, whatever the hell that meant. Surprise, surprise, this kid was in trouble a week later for cussing out a teacher. 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
tecsabates
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:12 AM
Wow... that's real messed up.


Quoting gwebkeijmmm:

He got suspended from school for a week. You'd think hitting an autistic six year old would get you more than that, but, no. We tried to pursue pressing charges but apparently there wasn't enough evidence. Witnesses, bruising, the kid admitting it... not enough since there is no camera on the bus.



Quoting Anonymous:

A 14 yr old punched your 6 yr old? Was he punished at all? I would be so freaking pissed!






Quoting gwebkeijmmm:

Good for you.

My son (six) was punched in the face by a 14 year old kid on the wrestling team (the side of his face was bruised) and all his parents did was make excuses and then try to place the blame on my child. When that didn't work they went on a rant about how people need to know both sides of the story, whatever the hell that meant. Surprise, surprise, this kid was in trouble a week later for cussing out a teacher. 



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