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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions
I'm having alot of trouble with my daughter. She is 5 years old and a huge brat. She won't listen to me at all, I tell her to go play and she says " well I don't want to, it's not my cup of tea right now" and ill tell her that if she doesn't she gets a spanken, corner time or her playroom shut down, and all she says is " I don't want to do any of those and I want to do what I want" and then I get so angry that I yell and say things I don't mean. I then feel bad for it. I don't know what to do, I've taken away her toys, spanked her, put her in the corner, behavior charts, everything and nothing works. I have a 7 month old son also and she loves him so much but she is always up in his face and won't listen when I tell her to get away. She listens to my husband but is still getting lippy with him. She talks back, she's very bossy, she has very few friends because she bully's them, she is always loud and obnoxious. I get so mad at her and I get this feeling inside that I just want to take my son and leave but I can't because I love her so much but don't know how long I can take it. I feed her, I bathe her, I make sure she has clothes and a roof over her head and she has tons of toys. I just want her to listen and be a nice, loving, sweet little girl but she's full of spite and meanness and sometimes likes to be nice and loving but I don't want to be around her after she's mean to me, she will call me names and fat and I suck at cooking, etc and it hurts. As a baby she didn't like to be held or touched and was a very crabby and fussy baby but through all that I held her and loved her and made sure she was happy so I don't know what happened. I'm not consistent, my mom and sad never where either. But I was told to be consistent but its soooo hard. She is very smart and has been able to read since 3. She now can sound out words in her head and write them down. I love her so much and just want us to stop fighting and get along because I don't want her to hate me and I don't want to end up not liking her. I'm not sure what I'm expecting out of posting this but I just need to talk to someone that could possibly give me some advice on what to do. Thank you for listening sometimes it helps to get it out.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:27 PM
Replies (71-77):
Ameretto13
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:38 AM

Your insurance (depending on what you use) should* cover most of the cost and you should* only have to pay the copay... However my recommendation for BOTH is that you talk to a dr about it. Your dr for the pdbt and her pedi for the cbt. They can research and make referals to both. The pdbt is a class for (mostly) mothers, but can be for dads too depending on the psych, that teaches parents how to cope and many other things. The one that I went to was done for mostly* single mothers but we also had a newly married woman and an abused woman who was trying to get the courage to leave her husband... Its not a class for everyone but, it may help. The cbt is actually a therapy specifically for your dd but the therapist may have you sit in on a few sessions when he/she is teaching your dd new coping skills and working on certain behaviors. The point of having you sit in is so that you can help her remember what the therapist said when dd starts misbehaving, having a tantrum or is just having an all around shitty day... Another thing that may help, it doesn't work for everyone, is to make a stress box.... Get a shoe box and put things that make you feel calm, relaxed, or peaceful in it... Like pics of dd as a bebe or pics of a good memory or even pics of animals, whatever floats your boat so to speak.. Even a tea bag of your favorite "time out" tea... Little things that help you destress when things get hard. And talking to a "regular" therapist yourself, can't hurt. The worst that can happen is you're right where you started. However, therapists have "coping skills" lists and techniques... Just some thoughts from someone who has been through this before with a child she loved... But before you make the calls yourself, talk to your dr and dd's pedi. Message me if you need help or have questions. I don't have any problem saying these things in forum, but more personal stuff ( like research to help you specifically) I prefer to do in a pm no matter what site I'm on...  

Quoting Xander2212:

Thank you for the advice, I will look into it. Maybe there are classes we can take or programs. I can't offord to pay for them but they have low income programs for families here wich is nice. I just want my daughter to be the best she can be and me too. I love her and would do anything to help her. I wouldn't give her up for the world, I don't know what I'd do without my baby girl but can't go on with her behavior


Quoting Ameretto13:

Three words to look into... Cognative Behavioral Therapy... Another set is: Parenting Dialectical Behavioral Thinking... The therapy will help DD and the pdbt will help you. The cbt will teach her how to cope with and handle her emotions and how to work around them in a productive, well-behaved way. The PDBT will help you with discipline, controlling your emotions, how to change your frame of mind, and how to handle different stressful situations... It will also teach you about routines, rules and how to stick to them. I went through it and apply it daily to raising my kids... Just a thought for you. Something you can look into. Idk your situation, work/school/schedules... But its something that MAY help... Good luck Mama!!!




Xander2212
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you for the advice, yes I do need to find a punishment and stick to it. M only problem is her whining and crying and making excuses do not wanting to go to the corner, he excuse lately is her feet hurt in the corner because they fall asleep she says, I stood in the corner many times as a kid an that never happened, spankens work for dad but I think taking things away work with me, I don't like violence. My husband and I got beat real bad by our parents and as much as we listened to our parents we could never do that to our child, its terrible. But I think once she gets into school it might help or even a program with interaction with other kids. Anyways thank you for the advice and non of it hurt me because I know she's not the only problem and that it is also me and our behaviors reflect on each other, when she's nice I'm nice when she's mean I'm mean and I would like it to be nice all the time and I know kids are mean sometimes but not as much as she is and is like that to change. I love her soooo much


Quoting robyann:

 You said you get mad and say things you don't mean, she just may be getting her lippiness from you. She is acting like you, she has learned your way of dealing with things. I'm not saying this to hurt you or put you down, just to make you aware. So first you have to change the way you react to her.


Now you have tried so many ways to get her to behave, that is part of the problem. You have to pick one, pick whatever form or discipline you want to use. Say you use time-out, every single time she misbehaves she has to sit in time out for 5 minutes. Use this same punishment every single time. Also remember to pick your battles. Use punishment for the behaviors that are the worst, deal with those first. Try to teach her it is ok to express your feelings, but the attitude is the problem.


She is acting out so much because you have allowed her to think she is in control, and that makes kids very uneasy and insecure. They need to know that their parent/s are in control so they can feel safe.


I hope you'll take this advice as it is intended, only to help you. :) GL


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:33 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like your poor child wants attention. She is getting it the only way she can, how about setting up mommy daughter time and give her positive one on one attention.

I can tell when my two year old is wanting some extra love and attention. She goes from perfect angel, playing in her room to a holy whiny terror who will not stop getting into and on top of everything she knows is off-limis. It is easily fixed by getting on her level and really interacting with her. Yeah, my household stuff gets put off for a while but she is my daughter and worth more than that load of laundry that needs to be dried.


Kes1s
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:35 AM

Cut the TV ONE HUNDRED PERCENT and check yourself when you are in front of her.  You can't go all road ragey complaining in front of your kid unless you want to be embarrassed by them later.

You will see an improvement within a day.

melakay1981
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:48 AM

Please fix this relationship.  I felt the same way about my daughter when she was younger.  When she got a little more mature a few years ago we got very close.  Back in July she was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer that is very aggressive, her prognosis is really bad and my heart is breaking because I wasted all that time with her.  Please do whatever you have to do to fix you two.  She is 11 and we started getting close when she was about 7.  You never know what can happen.  I have so many regrets.


Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like my daughter, i love her but i don't like her.



BelleVernonGirl
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:00 AM
1 mom liked this

You came to the wrong place with this...you should know these woman would eat you alive...I know what you are talking about...I raised 2 girls and my best friend has a 5 y/o girl who sounds just like yours...I have no real advice for you..I spank...I tell my best friend to but she says no...o well...good luck momma!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:52 AM
1 mom liked this
She's only 4 now i do hope we don't butt heads any more than we already do. Im really so very very sorry about your babygirl :-(


Quoting melakay1981:

Please fix this relationship.  I felt the same way about my daughter when she was younger.  When she got a little more mature a few years ago we got very close.  Back in July she was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer that is very aggressive, her prognosis is really bad and my heart is breaking because I wasted all that time with her.  Please do whatever you have to do to fix you two.  She is 11 and we started getting close when she was about 7.  You never know what can happen.  I have so many regrets.



Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like my daughter, i love her but i don't like her.





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