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is this a fair visitation schedule? eta...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
This is my proposed visitation schedule for our upcoming divorce. The kids live with me full time. He gets dd6 every 1st 3rd and 5th weekend from 5pm Friday till 5pm Sunday. He gets ds who is 4 months old from 10am till 5pm on Saturdays of that same weekend. No overnight visitation with ds until he turns 1. He also gets them from 5-7pm on Wednesdays every week. Is this fair? Do you think the judge will keep it as is or change it?

ETA...

I don't want him having overnight visitation with ds because he doesn't hear him at night when he wakes up to eat. I am willing to slowly introduce overnights as soon as ds starts sleeping through the night but not before then.
I'm willing to offer more night visits during the week if he wants them but he works late most nights.
I did give him right of first refusal in regards to babysitting.
Holiday schedule is as follows: He has the kids on father's day, his birthday, thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve. I have them mother's day, my birthday, Easter, and Christmas day. Other holidays will be discussed and swapped.
He may have extra days with them during school breaks including summer vacation.
We are still living together until my apartment is ready on March 1st. I'd like to get this all settled before then.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:17 AM
Replies (41-50):
michiganmom5150
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:53 AM
That basically is what my order is. He lives 30 miles away, so 50/50 would not work, as he works 30 miles the opposite direction. Our court only says no overnights is the baby is bf. if you ff, he would get overnights here. It's in the book. He would have to agree. If he doesn't, then the judge decides.
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BabyGsMommy11
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:53 AM
Indiana has very specific chil parenting guidelines set out for equal visitation. They are tailored to children 2 and under and then a different set 2 and older.

If you live in a state with child parenting guidelines - good luck. The schedule you have made probably wont fly....unless your ex is an idiot and doesn't contest it.
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Luna091306
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:53 AM

 Unfortunately when my dh went through his divorce he had to stay with his father for a time because he couldn't afford his own place. He wasn't granted overnights for the first few months and then it was changed to standard visitation. He would like 50/50, is that possible now? He currently has extended visitation and he takes them any other chance he can get. We are getting into a house in May and will have plenty of room for them then, they will have their own space. I'm just curious, I didn't know if it was possible to go back and request 50/50 after an order was in place.

Quoting kidlover2:

Well... I would tell the OP that the judge will decide in the favor of as much as the parents want. If the father wants equal time, that's what he gets. But... in the case of my lovely ex-husband, he decided he no longer wanted to be a father, so I have full custody of my 3 girls and it is often a fight to get him to take them for 4 hours a week.

Quoting QueenBof6:

Since when are fathers not equal parents? And why aren't they?



Quoting Anonymous:

Yes she does.





It's absurd to imply that fathers are equal parents.





And if they aren't equal parents they should t get equal time.






Quoting Miller0305:

50/50 is fair.  You don't deserve more time just because you're the mother.


 

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1boy1girlmama
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:53 AM

Sounds like what he would get regardless.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Has he talked to his ex about it?  He would have to file in court and prove that he should hvae 50/50 now.  Any order can be changed, just like any order doesn't need to be followed if the parents decide on something else.


Quoting Luna091306:

 Unfortunately when my dh went through his divorce he had to stay with his father for a time because he couldn't afford his own place. He wasn't granted overnights for the first few months and then it was changed to standard visitation. He would like 50/50, is that possible now? He currently has extended visitation and he takes them any other chance he can get. We are getting into a house in May and will have plenty of room for them then, they will have their own space. I'm just curious, I didn't know if it was possible to go back and request 50/50 after an order was in place.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:55 AM
It depends on what you and your ex want. While 50/50 parenting is fair to the parents, it's not necessarily the best schedule for kids. My ex-husband and I wanted our son to have the stability of a primary home so I have primary custody while he has visitation. DH and his ex used to have an every other week schedule and their son struggled a lot. DH now has primary physical custody and their son is much better off.
Wifeyy2Lette
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:56 AM
I think it's plenty fair.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:57 AM
For holidays he will have them for father's day, his birthday, thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve. i get mother's day, my birthday, Easter, and Christmas day. We will trade off on the other holidays. He can't take them until 5 due to his work schedule which is not flexible. I have no problem offering him more days during the week if he wants it but he tends to work late most days. Vacations are as agreed upon. If he wants them for a school break I'm fine with that but no overnights for the baby. Summer break is a bit trickier because he works over the summer whereas my job allows me to not work. He is more than welcome to pick them up for the day over the summer if he give me some advanced notice.

Quoting Anonymous:

No. Absolutely not fair.



Every other weekend and a couple hours a week? No way!



Why won'te the baby be doing overnights also?



I would change it that he gets them every weekend except the last weekend of the month. He also should get them 3 nights a week from school letting out until 6:30. He should get every other holiday and half of school vacations. That includes summer break.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Fair to who? The kids or the parents?


Quoting nataliesmom2012:

 50/50 is fair. What you're suggesting is not 50/50.


kidlover2
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Yes. Unless he has legal problems or his ex wife has evidence that he hasn't been paying his cs and or shirking his parenting , it's never a closed case. Just make sure he has a really good reason for why he didn't have custody and why he wants it now. It will help a LOT in court.

Quoting Luna091306:

 Unfortunately when my dh went through his divorce he had to stay with his father for a time because he couldn't afford his own place. He wasn't granted overnights for the first few months and then it was changed to standard visitation. He would like 50/50, is that possible now? He currently has extended visitation and he takes them any other chance he can get. We are getting into a house in May and will have plenty of room for them then, they will have their own space. I'm just curious, I didn't know if it was possible to go back and request 50/50 after an order was in place.


Quoting kidlover2:

Well... I would tell the OP that the judge will decide in the favor of as much as the parents want. If the father wants equal time, that's what he gets. But... in the case of my lovely ex-husband, he decided he no longer wanted to be a father, so I have full custody of my 3 girls and it is often a fight to get him to take them for 4 hours a week.


Quoting QueenBof6:

Since when are fathers not equal parents? And why aren't they?




Quoting Anonymous:

Yes she does.





It's absurd to imply that fathers are equal parents.





And if they aren't equal parents they should t get equal time.







Quoting Miller0305:


50/50 is fair.  You don't deserve more time just because you're the mother.



 

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