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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do NOT put me on a pedestal!

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Poll

Question: Does your SO put you on a pedestal?

Options:

Yes and I love it.

Yes, but it annoys me.

No and I'm glad.

No, but I wish he would.

Other because there always is.


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Total Votes: 113

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DF likes to tell me how perfect I am and it's starting to really get to me. I am NOT by ANY means perfect. I am human. I have my flaws and I make mistakes. 

It has started affecting our relationship. Any time I make a mistake or my flaws are visible, he starts to withdraw and it's getting on my nerve. 

Don't put me on a damn pedestal and you wouldn't be dissapointed when you realize I am no a goddess, but only human.

(It is starting to get better because I keep talking to him about it.)

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:57 AM
Replies (51-60):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:14 PM

I've had this problem with a few things but thankfully not many. As gross as it is my dh didn't know that I pooped or farted when we 1st started dating. He specifically asked me if I did either and I looked at him like he was a freaking idiot. The book says that EVERYBODY poops lol!! Anyway, as the years went by he finally noticed that I do in fact poop. Now it's like he lost some feelings for me, gosh this sounds so f-ing dumb, I can't even believe I'm admitting it. Anyway, he now states that women shouldn't poop, it grosses him out. Not just hide their pooping, he doesn't think they should poop AT ALL. Obviously I can't just stop being a functioning human being so I have to deal with that. I guess the moral of the story is that some guys are stupid. Really really stupid and now I'm not on a pedestal because I poop lol.

terpmama
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:26 PM

Mine always tells me I'm perfect for him... Which means that though I'm not perfect perfect he thinks I'm swell and wouldn't change anything. He loves me just as I am.

Nicoleb9
by Emerald Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:29 PM
Of course he's not perfect. No one is. That's why it's so unfair of him to expect it of you or to call you out on not delivering something that's impossible to begin with.


Quoting sheymann:

He is really good about it. Obviously he is not perfect but he is an amazing father and fiance. 



Quoting Nicoleb9:

Well, you definitely know him better than any of us. It still seems quite convenient of him. Is he living up to these perfect standards himself?





Quoting sheymann:

I don't think he realizes what he's doing half the time. I mention it to him and he gets a bit better every time.




Quoting Nicoleb9:

I don't see how it could be by accident. It sounds very unfair to you.








Quoting sheymann:

I definitely feel like that sometimes, but I don't think he does it on purpose.





Quoting Nicoleb9:

Yes and I love it, but it's not in the way your DF does it. I'm the queen of the castle. He protects me and provides. What your DF is doing sounds more like a way for him to expect perfection so he can pout when you don't deliver.



















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AmaliaD
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:35 PM

no,   he seems to only see what i do wrong - and then tells me about it.    its annoying - basically the opposite of what you have but still maddening.     i try my hardest.   i do well.   i am successful in my career.    family members,  strangers,  etc tell me how i am a great mom - i have a great kid - my house is awesome and i do nice things with it - when i bring food to places everyone rages about the quality and detail... but somehow this doesnt live up to his standards and i honestly think its a defensive thing.    i think because my dh is insecure in his career (because the ownership has shifted and they are just laying all sorts of people off)   he is projecting that onto  me.  because i am pretty darn perfect,   as close as a human can get.    and i honestly dont care.   i have told him that i noticed that and he has pretty much stopped. but i can tell he is still thinking that stuff and it makes me mad.   you are right no one is perfect and no one should expect perfection from their spouce.    thats not a realistic goal.   

but damn - yes i want to be on my pedestal!   where is my pedestal?!?!   wanna trade?

CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:37 PM

No, but sometimes I wish he would.  I don't want to be worshipped, but sometimes to be held in high esteem and to be told that is nice.

sheymann
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:43 PM

I am like that, however, when I go off, DF usually can calm me down. it's more the little things that he pouts about and withdraws from.


Quoting Kes1s:

It sounds like you have a drastically different personality when you are having an off moment and the difference causes him to pull away.

Normal day to day "Goddess" personality...  Sweet, controled, quiet but not in a bad way, accomodating and on top of shit.

Bad moment personality... Intolerant, short tempered, raised voice, and a bundle of escalation waiting to happen.  Only the moment can tell how far it's gonna go.



What I've come to realize for myself and have had to explain to my guy is that I am a mostly quiet, introverted person with an anger problem that I have under control.  I know my tolerance for people and I generally manage to listen to my own internal signals for when I'm coming to the end of my resources.  When I don't my first line of defense is silence.  I shut it down, sit still and wait for the bad to go away.  If I can't get away then I have to "buck up cupcake" and do my best not to start making small animals and household object start levitating and catching fire a la Carrie.

I used to think I was an outgoing person with a seriously out of control anger problem and inappropriate social responses.  I used to push myself waaaay beyond my social confort zones for an ex who was an extrovert and disaster would follow every time.  I would run out of "Goddess" and the snap back of trying to hold on for that extra hour or event would result in taking out the pedestal, the house and the relationship.

He was an abusive SOB on top of it all, but the kick off was usually a point where I pushed myself too hard and ran out of steam and my keep sweet ran out at about the point his "too drunk to care" kicked in.


In that relationship I was on the pedestal, and he would PUSH.  Like entertaining people he knew I hated for multiple nights - knowing that we have a Southern standard for hospitality.  A guest in my home will never hang their own jacket or fill their own cup, so when I have to do it from obligation rather than from the heart it can drain me if it goes on too long and at some point I would snap, and he would rebound at me with every bit of rage as if I had betrayed him for not being able to be the person he wanted.

He never truly understood the difference between an introvert and an extrovert and just couldn't get that some people can't recover from other people without going off on their own for awhile.



sheymann
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:45 PM

It sounds like he needs a lesson in human biology! lol good luck with that one.

Quoting Anonymous:

I've had this problem with a few things but thankfully not many. As gross as it is my dh didn't know that I pooped or farted when we 1st started dating. He specifically asked me if I did either and I looked at him like he was a freaking idiot. The book says that EVERYBODY poops lol!! Anyway, as the years went by he finally noticed that I do in fact poop. Now it's like he lost some feelings for me, gosh this sounds so f-ing dumb, I can't even believe I'm admitting it. Anyway, he now states that women shouldn't poop, it grosses him out. Not just hide their pooping, he doesn't think they should poop AT ALL. Obviously I can't just stop being a functioning human being so I have to deal with that. I guess the moral of the story is that some guys are stupid. Really really stupid and now I'm not on a pedestal because I poop lol.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:46 PM

I try to ignore it because try as he may the guy will never find a woman who doesn't shit lol. It's just odd that I was removed from my "pedestal" for that. 


Quoting sheymann:

It sounds like he needs a lesson in human biology! lol good luck with that one.

Quoting Anonymous:

I've had this problem with a few things but thankfully not many. As gross as it is my dh didn't know that I pooped or farted when we 1st started dating. He specifically asked me if I did either and I looked at him like he was a freaking idiot. The book says that EVERYBODY poops lol!! Anyway, as the years went by he finally noticed that I do in fact poop. Now it's like he lost some feelings for me, gosh this sounds so f-ing dumb, I can't even believe I'm admitting it. Anyway, he now states that women shouldn't poop, it grosses him out. Not just hide their pooping, he doesn't think they should poop AT ALL. Obviously I can't just stop being a functioning human being so I have to deal with that. I guess the moral of the story is that some guys are stupid. Really really stupid and now I'm not on a pedestal because I poop lol.





sheymann
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:47 PM

I spent years being emotionally abused by my father and exh so I may be sensetive to it, but it really just gets me when, for example, I don't cooks something the way he likes it and it's like I did something wrong because I'm not perfect!


Quoting AmaliaD:

no,   he seems to only see what i do wrong - and then tells me about it.    its annoying - basically the opposite of what you have but still maddening.     i try my hardest.   i do well.   i am successful in my career.    family members,  strangers,  etc tell me how i am a great mom - i have a great kid - my house is awesome and i do nice things with it - when i bring food to places everyone rages about the quality and detail... but somehow this doesnt live up to his standards and i honestly think its a defensive thing.    i think because my dh is insecure in his career (because the ownership has shifted and they are just laying all sorts of people off)   he is projecting that onto  me.  because i am pretty darn perfect,   as close as a human can get.    and i honestly dont care.   i have told him that i noticed that and he has pretty much stopped. but i can tell he is still thinking that stuff and it makes me mad.   you are right no one is perfect and no one should expect perfection from their spouce.    thats not a realistic goal.   

but damn - yes i want to be on my pedestal!   where is my pedestal?!?!   wanna trade?



sheymann
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:48 PM

that's how it used to be, but now he withdraws and gets upset and moody when I do something "wrong".


Quoting terpmama:

Mine always tells me I'm perfect for him... Which means that though I'm not perfect perfect he thinks I'm swell and wouldn't change anything. He loves me just as I am.



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