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What is his role in all of this?

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In your opinion, what should be the role of the father in the early months of a child's life?  

I have newborn twins, and I am curious what responsibilities most dads have.  Tell me a little about your husband's role in your child's babyhood.  What did he do?  How did you feel about his role?


**I would really like to get an accurate picture of how most couples handle new baby responsibilities, so please include any relevant information that explains your personal situation.  IE: "I did everything on my own because he was deployed." or "My husband took care of as many feedings and diaperings as me, but he was unemployed at the time."

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by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Replies (31-40):
JavaLadybug2
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:28 PM

My husband and I switched and every other night we got a full night's sleep and the next night we had the baby whenever he woke up..

If it was our night we were able to take a nap from 8-10pm  each night shift started at 10 pm and our shift went till 6am. If the baby was up all night we were allowed to get a 2-4 hour nap unless we had to work..

Hubby did diapers, changed clothes, beds etc.. on his night.. 

 We formula fed so there was no issue with him not having the equipment..lol

fallenstars
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:28 PM
Ds is 9 months old so ill start from new born

New born till 6 months as long as he was home from work (50 hrs a week) we alternated feedings one would diaper then the other would feed..when he needed changed between it was who ever checked him and said hey he needs a diaper. When he was at work it was on me. We also alternated at night one of us would change him while the other made a bottle. He was better at night time changes than me. So he usually took the night time diaper change and I fed. We did bath together I washed he dried and dressed

6 months to now still the same thing except he likes to spoon feed him so dh feeds him his baby food when he's not at work. Also bath time I wash he dries and dresses. I do all of his laundry. We try and tag team everything. It works out perfect for our family
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Bigmetalchicken
by Ruby Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:30 PM

My son was not very involved with our son,. because when our son was a baby, he was working 14 hour overnights.

With our daughter, he is very active. When he is home, he is caring for her. When she wakes up at night, he brings her to me and makes her bottles.  The only thing he does not do is baths, because it is easier for me to do that.

Drochmheas
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:32 PM
1 mom liked this

We had four.

Hubby did just as much as I did - diapers, baths, doctor's visits, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.

He was employed full-time, I was a SAHM. 

SparklePants
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:33 PM

I just had a baby (our second) nearly 4 months ago, I do most feedings, all night time feedings but he's very hands on, he does just as much with him as I do when he's home. Infact he's taken over the laundry and the lions share of the cooking and will ntill the baby becomes a bit more independent.

Hes really great.

MsRkg
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:34 PM

My husband did everything I did. I bf and ff, so there was often pumped milk or formula that my husband could feed him. He did late night changing, feedings, baths, etc.  Father's should be equally as involved as the mother's especially in the early months.

Miller0305
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:34 PM
Very unreasonable. I feel bad, if I lived close I would help! I only had single births and the first few months kicked my ass, I can't imagine twins.


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

So you would consider it unreasonable for a mother of 5 week old twins to be breastfeeding with no help with pumped bottles, home alone with the babies from 7am-7pm Monday-Friday with the addition of a 2 year old on Tuesday and Thursday, shuttling the 2 and 4 year olds back and forth to school with the twins in tow, packing all backpacks and lunches, giving all 4 kids baths, preparing all meals, doing all laundry, doing all housekeeping, grocery shopping, going to doctor's appointments with all kids alone, and doing roughly 95% of nighttime feedings, diapering, soothing, etc.. ???



Quoting Miller0305:

My husband did it all: feedings, even in the middle of the night, diapers, etc.  You name it, he did it even though I was on maternitiy leave and he worked.  Now with twins, your husband for sure needs to step it up and help you.





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AHmom103
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:35 PM

 With our first dd, my husband got up at night and changed her diaper, then brought her to me to nurse. Other than that, I did it all for the most part, just because it was easier that way. I'm also a sahm, so it gave him time to relax in the evenings without needing to worry about feedings or diaper changes.

With our second dd, I did everything, because she wouldn't sleep in her bassinet or crib, she had to be in her bouncer and would only sleep for about an hour or so at a time. So, her and I slept in the living room so dh and our oldest dd could sleep.

Once both of the girls got out of the newborn stage, dh did a lot more with them, but even now, at 3 and 5, I take care of almost everything the kids need, he usually spends the evening playing with them.

happinessforyou
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

My DH really wanted kids/liked kids so when we finally had them, he loved taking care of them :)

(And I'm sure I was a lunatic, so he felt sorry for the kids).   lol


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

I wish I knew what you mean.  At my house, when a baby cries, I get up. :(


Quoting happinessforyou:

I was a SAHM both times when our 2 kids were little. DH worked fulltime. I was home with the kids. He did everything I did as soon as he came home.

We alternated nights every other night so we could at least get 1 full night sleep. If the kid got up 3 times on his night he got up with the kid every time. On my night I got up every time. KWIM???





LuLuThatsWho
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:43 PM

Haha.  Thank you!!

I was doing just fine, and then this past week, I hit a wall.  I'm exhausted and bordering on crazy.  I called my mom crying and told her that she needs to take me to Parthenon Pavilion (our local psych hospital).  I was joking about needing inpatient psychiatric care, but I realized that joking is and has always been my defense mechanism.  I was reaching out for help in my own indirect way.  Unfortunately, I've been direct with my husband about needing help.  He has been unresponsive to my needs.  I'm actually considering calling my mom to come over tonight after a few hours of going it alone.  I know that he will be mortified, but I can't keep suffering to spare him the embarrassment of people knowing he doesn't do anything around here.


Quoting Miller0305:

Very unreasonable. I feel bad, if I lived close I would help! I only had single births and the first few months kicked my ass, I can't imagine twins.


Quoting LuLuThatsWho:

So you would consider it unreasonable for a mother of 5 week old twins to be breastfeeding with no help with pumped bottles, home alone with the babies from 7am-7pm Monday-Friday with the addition of a 2 year old on Tuesday and Thursday, shuttling the 2 and 4 year olds back and forth to school with the twins in tow, packing all backpacks and lunches, giving all 4 kids baths, preparing all meals, doing all laundry, doing all housekeeping, grocery shopping, going to doctor's appointments with all kids alone, and doing roughly 95% of nighttime feedings, diapering, soothing, etc.. ???



Quoting Miller0305:

My husband did it all: feedings, even in the middle of the night, diapers, etc.  You name it, he did it even though I was on maternitiy leave and he worked.  Now with twins, your husband for sure needs to step it up and help you.







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