For those of you who are unhappily married.......why do you stay??

[Anonymous]

 

[Anonymous]

Well, my marriage isn't horrible or abusive.  It's just unhappy and loveless (on my part.  DH is prefectly happy and clueless).  I've been in it over 10 years.  Another 6-7 won't hurt.

however, if things changed for the worse, my plans would change.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would do this, but I'd have to wait 12 yrs. I can't imagine that torture.

Quoting Anonymous:

A & B

If I got a divorce, I'd have to stop being a SAHM and would have to pay child care.

Once my kids are old enough to stay home alone all day, I'll break things off.

[Anonymous]

same here, I just have zero emotions, physical attraction towards him. With marriage comes the sex obligation and I never want to have sex again with him or anyone honestly. I've always hated sex but pushed through it to shut him up.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well, my marriage isn't horrible or abusive.  It's just unhappy and loveless (on my part.  DH is prefectly happy and clueless).  I've been in it over 10 years.  Another 6-7 won't hurt.

however, if things changed for the worse, my plans would change.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would do this, but I'd have to wait 12 yrs. I can't imagine that torture.

Quoting Anonymous:

A & B

If I got a divorce, I'd have to stop being a SAHM and would have to pay child care.

Once my kids are old enough to stay home alone all day, I'll break things off.

[hargonagain]

c, d, e.  I am happily divorced now, but I was married for 7 years and after 4 years it was very apparent that we had made a huge mistake.  I mostly stayed because I kept hoping things would change and because I didn't want to admit that my step mother was right when she said it wouldn't last and that I shouldn't marry him.  At that time I was afraid of being alone, of never finding anyone else etc.

My divorce was final April 22, 2002 so I have been divorced for almost 11 years and I am much better off mentally, financially, spiritually and much happier.  I have a 5 year old son that I adopted at birth as a single mom and I just turned 40 yesterday. Things have never been better!  

I don't believe in staying in a marriage where you are so miserably sad that you can't function, how is that ever ok?  If you are only staying for the kids, I am sure the kids know that and see you fighting.  If you are only staying for the money, get a job and take care of yourself. Money was always a big factor in our arguments, or rather the lack of money.  My ex wouldn't or couldn't keep a job for any length of time and once he either quit or got fired it would be months before he would find something else.  He also liked to "keep up with the Joneses" so what money we did have had to be hidden so he wouldn' t spend it all on coffee, donuts, cigarettes, lottery tickets or other stupid crap.  

[Anonymous]

I married a man that I had known for 2 years and after we moved in together he changed majorly. we moved 2 states away from my home state and family. Once we moved to the state we live in right now he went from being a respectful man to one of thee most disrespectful men I've had the displeasure to know. I went from being his everything to garbage on his shoe. I don't want to go into to much detail but everything is some how my fault and never his. As of Friday he has called me every name there is to call a women. I responded to this post already above stating " I am going to collage and am taking care of my kids as well as his kids and  will do what I have to do when the time comes. I have gotton sad about my situation but then got up and decided I will do something for myself for my self and my kids and find a way out of my problem if need be.

[mommy2lexinmark]

I am happy lol
I said I don't want to, as in leave, in my original comment

But these are the reasons why I couldn't leave, if I did want to lol

Quoting Anonymous:

 Oh my goodness!!!  Why did you have so many kids when you are not happy with your husband?  It almost seems like you trapped yourself or he did!!!  I am not judging, please know that.  I am just baffled why.  I hate to say it, but you really sound stuck.  I am so sorry!!!  If you can get help with babysitting, I would highly recommend you start that radiology program!!!  The sooner, the better.  Can you parents or other family help watch the kids while you are in school?  Maybe wait till the little one is a year or so.  And I can't imagine how much it would even cost to fuel up the Suburban.........damn those vehicles are BIG!!!!  lol  And I would think that they suck the gas down too.

Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

Well, I have 5 kids and I'm pregnant with #6.
We have a suburban that is in my dhs name, that I need to use everyday to fit all of the kids in.
I have bad credit at the moment, and am working on fixing it.
I working on going back to school to do radiology and would never be able to do this w/o help.
I'm a sahm, I have no income but dhs, and I could never get approved for even an apartment right now, even though that wouldn't be big enough for all of us!
I have no family that could help me, my parents live in a tiny condo, and I would NEVER be able to live with my mom again anyway!

I definitely want to eventually be able to be in a position that if I had to leave, or wanted to, I could! Working on going to school, and being able to get a job while my kids are in school, will help me get there!

Ok, I do have some money in my own bank account, but it still wouldn't be enough currently for me to be on my own with the kids!

Quoting choaspartyof4:

 Why couldnt't u leave even if u wanted to? Just curious

 

Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

I couldn't leave of I wanted to
None of these reasons
But I don't want to

 

 

 

[honeyrder]

 We are getting a divorce so I have already left, but we can't divorce until the house sells. I'm very unhappy about this.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

 Oh, I missed that comment.  You should have started off by saying that.  lol  I was expecting answers from people who felt that way, in regards to my post question.

Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

I am happy lol
I said I don't want to, as in leave, in my original comment

But these are the reasons why I couldn't leave, if I did want to lol

Quoting Anonymous:

 Oh my goodness!!!  Why did you have so many kids when you are not happy with your husband?  It almost seems like you trapped yourself or he did!!!  I am not judging, please know that.  I am just baffled why.  I hate to say it, but you really sound stuck.  I am so sorry!!!  If you can get help with babysitting, I would highly recommend you start that radiology program!!!  The sooner, the better.  Can you parents or other family help watch the kids while you are in school?  Maybe wait till the little one is a year or so.  And I can't imagine how much it would even cost to fuel up the Suburban.........damn those vehicles are BIG!!!!  lol  And I would think that they suck the gas down too.

Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

Well, I have 5 kids and I'm pregnant with #6.
We have a suburban that is in my dhs name, that I need to use everyday to fit all of the kids in.
I have bad credit at the moment, and am working on fixing it.
I working on going back to school to do radiology and would never be able to do this w/o help.
I'm a sahm, I have no income but dhs, and I could never get approved for even an apartment right now, even though that wouldn't be big enough for all of us!
I have no family that could help me, my parents live in a tiny condo, and I would NEVER be able to live with my mom again anyway!

I definitely want to eventually be able to be in a position that if I had to leave, or wanted to, I could! Working on going to school, and being able to get a job while my kids are in school, will help me get there!

Ok, I do have some money in my own bank account, but it still wouldn't be enough currently for me to be on my own with the kids!

Quoting choaspartyof4:

 Why couldnt't u leave even if u wanted to? Just curious

 

Quoting mommy2lexinmark:

I couldn't leave of I wanted to
None of these reasons
But I don't want to

 

 

 

 

[Anonymous]

I stay because deep down inside I would miss him, and never could see him with another woman. You see I do something most woman would not do! I take care of him because he is disabled and when I mean that, he had two brain tumors, two surgery's. he does not remember things like he should. He is on 12 pills a day and he is like my other child.. He takes care of himself, he walks, he is a great stay at home dad!! Our finances out in great debt because of mistakes he made. I am working hard to get us out of that debt. One check at a time! I love him but sometimes I feel so alone, I am also Bi, so once in awhile I miss, that kind of love.. So I stay until my 7 year old is grown!! Ps my DH has the sex drive of a over active 18 year old, due to his pills! I love making love but he wants it like 10 times a day and I would never get nothing done!! It's crazy but I have been with him 14 years, almost 13 years married!!

[markswife03]

I USED to be unhappily married to my husband. I just had one child then. I stayed because I didn't want to lose control of my daughter's life. I didn't want some judge telling me when I could and couldn't see her, and I didn't want my husband to be able to take her away for days at a time. He wasn't good at nurturing her or looking after her needs.

I also had a MIL who my husband made a third part of our marriage. She knew all our business. Her and my husband made marital and financial decisions together, often without me. He cared more about her happiness than mine. In my MIL's eyes, I was nothing more than an incubator designed to produce a child for her. Once I had done that, she wanted me out of the way. If I had divorced my husband, she would have won. He would have taken her right over to MIL on his days so they could be a happy family without me in the way. F**k that!

[Anonymous]

He asked me to marry him bc he loved me. I married him bc I was pregnant. He is a great guy that loves me very much. I wanted to give us a shot for the sake of our baby. Now 4 years later we are happily married I suppose considering the circumstance. He has no clue I'm not in love with him or that I married him for our son. I want to stay married bc I don't want to break his heart and for our son. I had no idea how much I would later crave a more fulfilling relationship. I know I won't make it a lifetime. My goal is to make it least until my son goes to college or as long as I possibly can keep this charade up. Still crossing my fingers that I can learn to love him. Maybe it's till death do we part maybe it's until the class of 2026, maybe it's next month...Idk...I know my son is happy and healthy and has a father that loves him and US being together is healthy for our son and I don't want to do anything to mess that up. I'm the one that got pregnant by a man I didn't love and I have embraced the consequences.