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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Don't get your hope

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:59 PM
  • 26 Replies
What do you ladies think of this statement? Would you think it's generally a rude comment to make? What about in this context? Story below.

Earlier at work, I was talking with a coworker about being excited about a new baby. I am 34 weeks pregnant and looking forward to those first weeks of bonding and getting into a routine and just the newness of a new child. She (the coworker) tells me that hopefully nothing is wrong with my baby. I assure her that I have no reason to believe anything would be wrong. I have had an ideal pregnancy and my doctor, nor I, have zero reason to anticipate an unhealthy child. My pregnancy with my first child (this is my second) was perfect, as well. And DD1 was a perfectly healthy baby and is a healthy, intellegent child. The coworker then replies, "Well, don't get your hopes up." Seriously?!? I turned to her and said "Really? What do you mean by that?" She tells me that she had a perfect pregnancy too, but people warned her that health issues may come once her baby was born. So, because she let people talk to her that way gave her the right to talk to me that way?

I basically told her first of all, what kind of person says that to a woman who is weeks away from having a child? And two, are you indicating that you hope something goes wrong? I honestly don't know if it was a bad play on words that she used or what, but I was appalled and deeply offended...pissed even! DH says that I need to stand up to her more because she is always saying small, insulting comments to me. But this one...it just takes the cake. As a mother, there is a worry that is always present when it comes to your child, and I do worry and hope everything is okay. But to
say "don't get your hopes up"...in regards to a normal delivery and healthy baby? It just felt like she was hoping something goes wrong. From woman to woman, mother to mother, people should use that time to encourage and reassure...not put any inkling of doubt or worry...more of than what is already there.

So...in that context, how would you have taken it? Rude, or are my hormones just on edge?
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by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
raye-chan
by Raye on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:00 PM
It's a little rude but I wouldn't let it get to me.
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atyou
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:01 PM
2 moms liked this
Hey, I've been guilty of it too.


When you've had a pregnancy that went wrong.....it's hard to not "hold your breath" so to speak for a friend who is carrying. She probably spoke before she thought.

Best wishes!
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Mrs.Velasquez
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:03 PM
What a rude bitch. I totally would have taken offensive or taken it the way u did.

That's not something u say to a pregnant women.

Yes, problems can arise during or after delivery, but you don't say that. You hope and pray for a healthy baby & mom.
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Thibmom
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:06 PM
It did have me majorly pissed at first. And I vented to DH to get it out and not keep it bottled and allow it to bother me. I was just wondering if that was rude to others or not. A lot of people here don't have a filter and are really blunt. Kwim? I'm all for speaking your mind...in a tactful way.

But you're right. I shouldn't and won't let it bother me. I just need to learn to defend myself with grace instead of walking away pissed off.


Quoting raye-chan:

It's a little rude but I wouldn't let it get to me.
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lizzyluvsmoe
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:08 PM

I would have taken it exactly the way you did.  People like that, eh, you just have to forgive their ignorance.  Sorry she was such an ass.  There is no reason whatsoever to believe anything is wrong or will go wrong.  You know the saying, misery loves company.

zoo003
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:09 PM

Does she have a child that has or has had an issue?  If so, she may be speaking from a place of pain for her child and her pregnancy. However, even if this is true, her comments were inappropriate and rude.   

raye-chan
by Raye on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:10 PM
She could be jealous and said that to get under your skin. And I agree, tact is needed on fine things and other things just shouldn't be said. That to me was one of them lol

Quoting Thibmom:

It did have me majorly pissed at first. And I vented to DH to get it out and not keep it bottled and allow it to bother me. I was just wondering if that was rude to others or not. A lot of people here don't have a filter and are really blunt. Kwim? I'm all for speaking your mind...in a tactful way.



But you're right. I shouldn't and won't let it bother me. I just need to learn to defend myself with grace instead of walking away pissed off.




Quoting raye-chan:

It's a little rude but I wouldn't let it get to me.
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Thibmom
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:11 PM

I could maybe understand a little if she did, but no. She had an ideal pregnancy as well...along with a healthy child. 

Quoting zoo003:

Does she have a child that has or has had an issue?  If so, she may be speaking from a place of pain for her child and her pregnancy. However, even if this is true, her comments were inappropriate and rude.   


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Do you know about spitting between two fingers to ward off evil spirits/ thought?

The warding off of evil spirits is where the baby colors originated. It started out as red (for boys) then became blue because red/ pink was deemed effeminate.

The evil eye is why people will not say a child is attractive. The spirits will want the child.

This is also part of the reason why if you compliment a baby you must then touch a baby.

But what she has basically done is curse the pregnancy and child so spitting on her is the correct, though not the PC, response.

emandab
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:16 PM

Yeah she was rude.  I could see her saying that if you made a statement like "my pregnancy was so easy I just know the labor will be too" or something like that.  But about the health of your child?  Very rude!

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