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Miscarriages and funerals? *ETA *Update*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 330 Replies
A friend of mine just found out her 12 week old fetus has no heartbeat. She's going to get induced tomorrow. She said on Facebook that they're having a funeral for the baby, and she needs help planning it.





Now, I feel for this woman. I've lost a baby too. But I've never heard of anyone having a funeral for a 12 week old fetus. I'm willing to go along with whatever makes her feel better, but I'm not sure if everyone else will. I'm worried people will be rude to her about it...





So, my question is, have any of you ever had, or known someone who has had, a funeral for a miscarriage? If so, how did you/they do it? What were people's reactions?



ETA: I suggested to her that, if they let her have the fetus, that she should have it cremated and scatter the ashes or have some put into a necklace or something. What do you think of that idea?

*Update: okay, so the did induce her, and she delivered the baby, but had to have a d&c for the placenta. They named him, had photos taken, got the hand and footprints, and had the baby released to a funeral home, where they're going to have him cremated, and have a small private ceremony. They also had an obituary published in all the local papers, and put the photos in a private album on Facebook. I guess everyone handles their grief differently. I just couldn't imagine putting all that out there. But don't worry, I'm going along with everything and being super supportive. Just wanted to update everyone who was interested...
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:25 PM
2 moms liked this

Needs help planning what? A small ceremony? Sounds like she wants some attention due to her loss and doesn't know how to ask for it.  Maybe ask her that in the nicest possible way.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:26 PM
4 moms liked this
I would suggest she ask for donations to pay for therapy. What are they going to do, share happy memories of the times they were together?
thetrollcat
by Meow on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:27 PM
2 moms liked this

no I never had a funeral for miscarriages. I would never attend one either.

Mychele
by Ruby Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:28 PM
9 moms liked this
Induced ? Wouldn't it be a d & c ?
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beingme75
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:28 PM
Idk my sisters daughter didn't develop lungs and she chose to carry her anyways and deliver her. She had a funeral afterwards
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Logan_Bellasmom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:29 PM
2 moms liked this

Last i knew they don't even give you the remains that young and that she is just looking for people to feel sorry for her and for attention. I wouldn't go.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:29 PM
That's the word she used. I would think it would be a d&c too


Quoting Mychele:

Induced ? Wouldn't it be a d & c ?

LovelyMommy24
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Induce her? She's only three months along, am I missing something here?

themissheather
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:30 PM
I was wondering the same.

Quoting Mychele:

Induced ? Wouldn't it be a d & c ?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:30 PM
She thinks she's getting it. She wants to have it cremated.


Quoting Logan_Bellasmom:

Last i knew they don't even give you the remains that young and that she is just looking for people to feel sorry for her and for attention. I wouldn't go.


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