Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Miscarriages and funerals? *ETA *Update*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
A friend of mine just found out her 12 week old fetus has no heartbeat. She's going to get induced tomorrow. She said on Facebook that they're having a funeral for the baby, and she needs help planning it.





Now, I feel for this woman. I've lost a baby too. But I've never heard of anyone having a funeral for a 12 week old fetus. I'm willing to go along with whatever makes her feel better, but I'm not sure if everyone else will. I'm worried people will be rude to her about it...





So, my question is, have any of you ever had, or known someone who has had, a funeral for a miscarriage? If so, how did you/they do it? What were people's reactions?



ETA: I suggested to her that, if they let her have the fetus, that she should have it cremated and scatter the ashes or have some put into a necklace or something. What do you think of that idea?

*Update: okay, so the did induce her, and she delivered the baby, but had to have a d&c for the placenta. They named him, had photos taken, got the hand and footprints, and had the baby released to a funeral home, where they're going to have him cremated, and have a small private ceremony. They also had an obituary published in all the local papers, and put the photos in a private album on Facebook. I guess everyone handles their grief differently. I just couldn't imagine putting all that out there. But don't worry, I'm going along with everything and being super supportive. Just wanted to update everyone who was interested...
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Replies (31-40):
chrtymcdnl
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:35 PM

okay okay I agree with everyone for the most part but.... WHAT DO tHEY DO WITH THE LITTLE BODY THEN? i know i wouldnt want them to just trash it. I would want it. 

I mean I dont know.... Ive never gone through it ... ??? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM

I have had 3 miscarraiges and would NEVER have done that.  


The one thing i did object to was about a week after a miscarraige I was walking through a state fair when a pro-life group thrust a jar with a fetus in it at me.  That is when I vowed I would NEVER be part of such an inconsiderate group who would have no thought for MY life.

Luna091306
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM

 Right, and no I wouldn't have a funeral for that.

Quoting Mychele:

Induced ? Wouldn't it be a d & c ?

 

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
 


Lilypie First Birthday tickers


 
Lvmyliberty
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM
Tell your friend a miscarriage is sad and very disappointing. Ive had a funeral for my child who died. I would never do one for a miscarriage. She needs therapy
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
wissotamum
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM

She can do that if she'd like to - most funeral homes can offer something to accommodate her. Hospital sometimes treat it as medical waste and some will offer a once a year ceremony and burial of all the miscarriages/losses that year in a special portion of the grounds.

Quoting Abby.N.Amys.Mom:

No f-ing way.  Seriously, no freaking way.  The woman is cray cray.

Quoting Anonymous:

She thinks she's getting it. She wants to have it cremated.


Quoting Logan_Bellasmom:

Last i knew they don't even give you the remains that young and that she is just looking for people to feel sorry for her and for attention. I wouldn't go.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM
I'm being supportive. I'm just worried that not everyone will be. Now I'm seeing that she may not even get to have the fetus...which is really going to upset her :(


Quoting Anonymous:

my best friend lost her baby at 5 months and they had a funeral for him...this girl needs support and understanding not criticism


butterflyblue19
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:37 PM

here there's no death certificate for babies under 20 weeks because of the law of viability. It's not legally a child til after that

She can have a body-less ceremony I suppose

cali_angel_girl
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:37 PM

I agree.

Quoting Katalystic:

No, I don't believe they will give you the remains- and yes, it is a D&C at that point. I had one at 13 weeks due to a miscarriage.

Rather then judge this woman in her grief and sorrow, I'd offer to help her have a little ceremony. Maybe she wants to plant a tree or put up a small statue or whatnot. Obviously, she needs her friends at this point. And if she's never had a loss- and knows no one else whose had one at 12 weeks- she may not realize that there is a difference between D&Cs, inducing, etc. Just be there for her. 


teal_phoenix
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:37 PM
2 moms liked this

 No, not crazy really. Just hurting.

I do think she is reaching out for support though. I know when I carried my dd even at 12 weeks I felt attatched and I would have been pretty torn up.

 

Quoting Abby.N.Amys.Mom:

No f-ing way.  Seriously, no freaking way.  The woman is cray cray.

Quoting Anonymous:

She thinks she's getting it. She wants to have it cremated.


Quoting Logan_Bellasmom:

Last i knew they don't even give you the remains that young and that she is just looking for people to feel sorry for her and for attention. I wouldn't go.



 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:37 PM
12 moms liked this

I had a miscarriage around that time.The pastor came and talked to me and asked me if I wanted a funeral.I don't really think its a real funeral.I think its a way of a mother letting go and grieving.All of you should be ashamed for judging her and saying shes crazy.You should never judge anyone!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)