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I couldn't be a parent to an autistic child.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm pregnant and I have been having fear of this lately. I have two perfect and healthy babies but the thought of having a "special child" scares me. I can also admit I am not strong enough to parent a child with needs, and if it turns out that I end up having an autistic child I will choose to put him or her up for adoption. How soon could I find out if the baby is special needs?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:00 PM
Replies (161-170):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:34 PM

OK....well I'm not as "tolerable to b.s." as you are.


Quoting nocalmegan:

That's your opinion obviously but you still have assumed that without any facts. I know lots of moms who feared a special needs child because they did not feel they would have the patience and understanding it takes to properly care for one, myself included. The only thing I disagree with is giving the kid up for adoption after a few years, but like many others I'm sure OP would eventually devolop the needed skills to take care of a special needs child.


Quoting Anonymous:

For a woman to say what she said she's pretty immature, especially for having two kids = probably just some pos mom....sorry, it's intuition and it's usually right.



Quoting nocalmegan:

Lol. I don't know how you got all that from the OP. Having a fear of a special needs baby doesn't mean shes popping out kids for fun, or that Shes a POS who gets a check for her kids..... That's quite the assumption considering none of that was said. I think it's normal to fear having a special needs child. I don't think it's normal to automatically say you'd give the kid up for adoption tho.





Quoting Anonymous:

Right...I don't think there is a test either. I read some buzz in the news about a possible blood test but I totally forgot what the article said but I do know that AS OF NOW there is no blood test. This poster sounds like some pos mom that keeps popping out babies because she thinks it's fun and she gets a check for every kid she pops out. I'm so tired of these immature moms.




Quoting nocalmegan:

I didn't know there was a test for autism beige birth?








Quoting Roxyysf:

I would love my child either way.




But i got the test done anyway just incase so i could prepair my self and my boyfriend. I got mine done at 17 weeks.
















Savannah.partyg
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:47 PM

I also think that many of the mothers who are having such a hard time accepting this are those with special needs children. You have to know that you are very special moms. Yes she could suck it up and try to deal with it but perhaps she thinks that her child would be better off with someone who was mentally and emotionally prepared to deal with a SN child. My mom wasn't ready for a SN child dispite having taken classes for it and both my sister and I suffered because of that. She isn't bashing special needs children she is admitting her own weakness. Every child diserves the best and sometimes what is best for them is not their natural parents. is that sad? yes. but life is sad be glad she would give up the child instead of hurting it.

AshandJax
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:49 PM

Once he stops talking, I try to rephrase what he said and ask  him if that was what he was trying to say, he'll say yes or no. His speech is overly formal, but his little mind just goes everywhere. Poor guy. He is better now then what he used to be.

Quoting dallascowboys82:

I usually have to get down to his level..and tell him to slow down, take a deep breath and try again..that can help..but when he is really trying to get the words out, I make a game out of it. I play 5 questions..yes or no answers..by the time I am done, he usually finds the word he wants to say.


Quoting AshandJax:

Lol, mine to. I just let him ramble on and I try to catch what I can. He gets so frustrated. 

Quoting dallascowboys82:

I am proud mom of a seven year old boy with Autism..my son..can talk,walk, sing, count to 100..he is normal..you wouldn't notice anything unless you really spent with him. You would see that he doesn't make eye contact, he gets hyper and his words get tangled in his head.



Don't judge..something you have no clue about..





Quoting Anonymous:

I'm pregnant and I have been having fear of this lately. I have two perfect and healthy babies but the thought of having a "special child" scares me. I can also admit I am not strong enough to parent a child with needs, and if it turns out that I end up having an autistic child I will choose to put him or her up for adoption. How soon could I find out if the baby is special needs?





sam12796
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:49 PM

 One never knows their true strength until faced with a situation that requires it. I think around the age of 3 is when most start to notice. I must say I would not ever give up on my child. Not ever. There are so many varying degrees of special needs. How sad a mom to feel that way.

Thelmama
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:50 PM
1 mom liked this

You never realize what you can handle until you do it. No one thinks they are strong enough, but then something from within their Mommy heart takes over and they become who they didn't know they were. They are stronger than they could ever imagine and have more capacity to love than they could fathom. Autism is to different degrees but does not usually show up until the baby is closer to two years old.  Don't under estimate the ability of love to make you strong and the Mama bear in you to want to do everything you can to help and take care of your child.  Everyone wants a healthy baby. When something happens they discover a part of them that was hidden and a strenght and a love that is indescribable.

However, if you really did want to give your baby up after that length of time, it is going to have far reaching impacts on you and your other children and your extended family. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. 

AshandJax
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:55 PM

I wasnt prepared either.... I was scared once his behavior was getting worse and I didn't know how to help him... thats where theraputic foster care came into play. He will be coming home soon and SO much better behaved and I am more educated on how to handle him.

Quoting Savannah.partyg:

I also think that many of the mothers who are having such a hard time accepting this are those with special needs children. You have to know that you are very special moms. Yes she could suck it up and try to deal with it but perhaps she thinks that her child would be better off with someone who was mentally and emotionally prepared to deal with a SN child. My mom wasn't ready for a SN child dispite having taken classes for it and both my sister and I suffered because of that. She isn't bashing special needs children she is admitting her own weakness. Every child diserves the best and sometimes what is best for them is not their natural parents. is that sad? yes. but life is sad be glad she would give up the child instead of hurting it.


oorahwife31
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this

This is my daughter. Her name is Grace and she is just that - she was born full term and started progressing normally until about 5 months old and then started regressing and losing her motor skills and had a slight tick - her tick was siezures and eventually she got up to having 7 seizures a day but she was diagnosed at that time with a wierd genetic condition called TuberousSclerosis - it can be extremely bad , like they never walk or talk or are able to do anlything for themselves but thankfully Grace is on the lower end of the spectrum - but even that comes with big obstacles - she just had brain surgery about 9 months ago to remove a benign tumor that was creating hydrocephalus (sp?) and then had a mini stroke the next day but is 95% back to normal now - she is the most amazing person i've ever known and i would die for her in a second, she is the kindest, most loving, most forgiving, most beautiful inside and out and would love anyone, even people that aren't nice to her - she deals with the hard stuff that adults can't - i hope that you will be thankful for your healthy kids but more importantly to teach them better than you have been taught, to be kind, and to help those who need helping no matter what the issue -  she was my first baby and i'm honored to be her mother and would never change it for anything - She is everything i wish i could be

Savannah.partyg
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:04 PM

It is great that you had that option and that it worked for you :D Theres no one right way to raise any child and one with special needs requires a whole new parenting approach

Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:11 PM
Wow!! I have 2 babies and both of mine are special needs babies. My oldest has Asperger's and my youngest has low muscle tone, does not talk, and has issues with her legs! We didn't know any of this until they were around a year or so. I couldn't and wouldn't give my babies up for adoption.

This post really upsets me in the fact that we know the possibilities of issues when we find out we are pregnant. If you couldn't handle taking care of a special needs child, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. Did you know also that a lot of "special needs" children aren't diagnosed until the are in grade school unless its obvious. And to be quite honest we all have disabilities. It's just some disabilities aren't visible, but the ones that are people freak out over them. Yes having a "special needs" child is difficult, you just learn different ways to do things.
Patients isn't something you have little of, it is a mind set and the inability to see what other people have to offer. Kinda like judging a book by its cover, just reading the name of the book.

Think about it before you make a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Remember, you gave that babies life and it knows you better than anybody else ever will.
Roxyysf
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I think it was just confusing because the post says "special needs" and autism. I didnt mean autism specifically. just the test for down syndrome.

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