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I am haunted by my nephew's death.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.

My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 

crying


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:33 PM
Replies (11-20):
babyboy117
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:02 AM
That's has to be a very hard thing to deal with. I am so sorry this happened to you, your family and most of all that precious boy. My prayers are with you.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:25 AM

It's a very complicated situation with his mom right now. I think the family is still somber and awaiting the trial in a few months. Hopefully we'll get a little bit of closure. 

Thank you for your kind words.

Quoting mamanay041010:

I am so sorry and it sucks because someone who hasn't been through this horrific experience can't begin to put the right words together to help you feel better, are you and your sister close can you confide in her maybe you two could pull strength from each other? Keep going to see your therapist and keep surrounding yourself with those who uplift you most, maybe you should do something like release a balloon or those paper patterns something like that might help, really wish I could hug you or make you feel better. I will say a prayer for you though 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:33 AM

This made me cry. :') I really hope that is the case. This tragedy has been a huge (huge) test of my faith and has left me questioning so much, so reading things like that keeps that little flame of hope inside of me going.

Thank you.

Quoting brittney28:

Omg I'm so sorry. Its been 2 yrs since my dads death and I still have the hospital and casket visions everynight. His death was very unexpected as well. And as for you seeing him or dreaming him at the end of your bed, that's him visiting you, letting you know he's ok. I had crazy stuff happen to me the first six months after his death. Then it slowly started stopping. I wish I could say it gets easier but it don't, you just learn to deal with it. I have ptsd from what happened to my dad and get horrible panick and anxiety attacks! I hope and pray you find peace. And I hope piece of shit rots in jail.


kameronsmommy08
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:54 AM

 I am so sorry for what you are going through. My ds is almost 5, and reading this made me hold him a little tigher as he lays next to me.

misskriss10
by Platinum Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:57 AM

I am so sorry. I hate hearing stories like this. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that someone would ever hurt a child. That man will get what he deserves. 

brittney28
by Brittney on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:03 AM
I know its the case, and trust me I questioned my faith as well, to be honest with you at times I still do. But one thing I do know is there is life after death and our loved ones are there watching out for us. The first visit I had from my dad was a lot like yours with your nephew. When I saw my dad in the hospital he was a purple blue color, that will never leave my mind, and he was so cold as they worked on him and I held his hand. I saw him two hours before his death and I did not tell him I loved him. I ALWAYS told him I loved him but for some reason I dident that day. Anyway when he came to visit me a few days after his passing it went like this.... He was laying in the hospital bed as I last saw him, except he wasent that purple blue color, he was the most beautiful glowing skin color. I can't explain it. And he was soooo warm, not the cold I remember. And he looked at me and said I love you too. Because I did not tell him I loved him earlier whenthey were wworking on him I held his hand and just told him over and over I loved him. It really bothered me that I did not tell him earlier in the day when I saw him. So that visit I got from him was letting me know he heard. I hope this makes since, I'm crying and typing at the same time.


Quoting Anonymous:

This made me cry. :') I really hope that is the case. This tragedy has been a huge (huge) test of my faith and has left me questioning so much, so reading things like that keeps that little flame of hope inside of me going.

Thank you.

Quoting brittney28:

Omg I'm so sorry. Its been 2 yrs since my dads death and I still have the hospital and casket visions everynight. His death was very unexpected as well. And as for you seeing him or dreaming him at the end of your bed, that's him visiting you, letting you know he's ok. I had crazy stuff happen to me the first six months after his death. Then it slowly started stopping. I wish I could say it gets easier but it don't, you just learn to deal with it. I have ptsd from what happened to my dad and get horrible panick and anxiety attacks! I hope and pray you find peace. And I hope piece of shit rots in jail.



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ardiaxe
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:07 AM

You have PTSD, and therapy is what can really help you get through this.  I have a nephew that I love as if he was my own and the pain of losing such a precious boy would kill me.  I cannot imagine the pain that you are struggling with, it's heartbreaking.  I am so very sorry that you had to experience something so devastating.  It brings tears to my eyes. I wish you the best, remember that it's so important and so normal to grieve his loss, give yourself some time and compassion to do that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:09 AM
Sounds like post traumatic stress disorder  not depression Hun , I'm truly sorry for your loss

Quoting Anonymous:









It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.


My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 

crying


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:10 AM
I'm so sorry this happened to your nephew. How is his mom dealing with it? Is it your sister? It must be 1000 times worse for her :(
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this

If you are going through this much grief. Imagine what his mother is going through. A heart break you don't understand.

Maybe you need to raech out to her and support eachother.

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