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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I am haunted by my nephew's death.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.

My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 

crying


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:33 PM
Replies (21-30):
mlg1989
by ZombieMegg on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:13 AM
I am truly sorry girl your loss. Its still very recent, so I wouldn't expect you to feel any different. All I can say is keep going to therapy and take baby steps but only when you are ready! Everyone grieves in different ways, when my mother and grandmother died when I was younger I cried everyday for months. Both times were sudden and tragic much like your story. I hope that you will soon be able to feel peace. *hugs*
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Aleta775
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:14 AM

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've never been good at dealing with children dying whether they are related to me or not. If they were related to me I think would just be a total basket case. I hope that you can get some closer from the trial. 

BraydensMama163
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:16 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. Its been almost 4 years since my cousin passed. I didn't know her she lived a ways away from us and I wasn't close to that side of my family. But she was only 2. It still bothers me thinking about how she died and the fact that the man responsible still hasn't been charged. I use to dream of her face. Its stopped within the last year. But I made tshirts for the family and sold some to help pay for the Dr bills.
Its still surreal after all this time. I didn't go to her coffin and see her little face, that tiny casket was enough for me. That's the worst sight I have ever seen in my life.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know most people will tell you to move on the best you can but honestly.I believe its ok to let the grief take over, for a while, and once your heart has had a chance to mourn you can begin to pull the pieces back together.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:26 AM

I am so sorry this happened to your family and you are dealing with it so hard. The night before I was going in for my c-section with my YDS back in June, I checked Facebook one more time before I went to bed. My dad had posted about a local 4 year old that had gone missing. I knew his mother and uncles from school. So, I immediately shared the details. I laid in bed but could not get to sleep. I kept checking for updates hoping this little boy was found. The next morning, while getting prepared for my c-section... I had the news on and kept it on during my hospital stay... hoping they would find this little boy. I knew something bad happened. A week later, they found his remains... it was his mother's boyfriend who murdered him. It hurt. I didn't know him but it hurt. I cried for him, I cried for his mother. 

There is no way I could feel what you are feeling now... that was your nephew. I just hope that one day it will be better for you and your family. You'll never forget, there will always be... "What he could have been..." but one thing you know for sure, is that you love him dearly and deeply. You have him in your heart. I think you need to go to his gravesite and let it all out. Tell him how you feel, because the only way to start feeling better is for you to feel like you have told him everything you need to.

thatgirl70
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:30 AM

I am so sorry. :( No one should ever be forced to experience such a heineous crime.  :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:43 PM

Thank you much...just a couple more months. 

Quoting Thelmama:

I am so sorry. I don't know anyone that could deal with that. Hugs and prayers.  The pain must be unbearable. I hope they punish him to the fullest extend of the law for doing that to that poor baby.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:44 PM

thank you

I really hope so.

Quoting DJAKoala:

I am so sorry to hear this. It is still incredibly early since his death. You have every right to feel these emotions. Continue to seek support. In time you will be able to cope better. Prayers to you and your family.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:45 PM

I really appreciate it....I hope that we never have to go through this again.

Quoting babyboy117:

That's has to be a very hard thing to deal with. I am so sorry this happened to you, your family and most of all that precious boy. My prayers are with you.


stephiic
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:45 PM
BUMP
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:47 PM

When all of this happened, I wanted my child to come sleep in our bed almost every night. Having your worst fear come true and it happening in the family makes me never want to let my baby out of my sight.

Quoting kameronsmommy08:

 I am so sorry for what you are going through. My ds is almost 5, and reading this made me hold him a little tigher as he lays next to me.


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