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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I am haunted by my nephew's death.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.

My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 

crying


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:33 PM
Replies (31-40):
momto2boys973
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:48 PM
I'm so sorry you're going through that, it's awful! It's understandable that you're still dealing with all those issues. Hang in there and be strong! I can't even presume to understand what you're going through, but know that if you need a virtual hug, shoulder to cry on or just to vent and be angry, you can always PM and I'll be there with a kind word.
Hugs!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:49 PM

I could never, ever harm my child even close to the degree that this monster did. The internal and external injuries were the most horrendous things I have ever seen. Like I said, it's haunting. :'( 

Quoting misskriss10:

I am so sorry. I hate hearing stories like this. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that someone would ever hurt a child. That man will get what he deserves. 


Momma182
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:50 PM
I'm so sorry. :'( *** HUGS ***
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o.0
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:51 PM
I was numb for the first few weeks after my son died. The paralyzing pain came when the numbness wore off. You will get through this, but nothing will ever be the same. Hugs to you.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you...I was doing okay for a few weeks and thought I was getting stronger but I feel like I'm back at square one. It's disappointing because I'm normally the "strong" one in my family and I feel kind of defeated right now.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh hun this is terrible,  I am so sorry this has happened to your family. You can't be expected to deal with this in anyother way then the way you are. Getting over something like this will take time. Well I don't mean "getting over" I mean just being able to go on with your life. I can only imagine how this would feel! Sounds like you are doing all the right things to help you cope, continue doing those things even though you feel they may not be helping, they will help in time.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:56 PM
I have been threw something like this. except it was a close cousin baby.I.still have the pictures of my oldest daughter holding him.We do not know why he died.Have you tried writting him??I just wish I could tell him how much pur family missed him.How much we wished he was still with us.
jackieb2811
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:56 PM

I am so sorry. That has to be extremely devistating. You are dealing with your own griefe while trying to be strong for others. Perhaps him appearing and vanishing before you say goodbye is just that guilty feeling you carry of not getting to say goodbye and feeling like you could have done something. But there wasn't. I always feel like when I loose someone and I see them in dreams and they are alive it is their way of showing themselves so you know they are ok and they are still with you.There is nothing wrong with how you are reacting to his death to me it seems legit this was a wonderful little boy whom you loved and adored and was your blood and he is gone now at that hands of a monster. You have every right to feel how you do and it may not be even 3 more months from now that you make peace with it it could be 3 years who knows love is a strong thing and you may never fully heal but it will get easier to cope with. I think it is just becuase of the way in which he was taken away that makes you most upset and that makes sense. I hope in time you find some solace in all this and know that he is with you and heart and spirit.

I hope that murderous piece of shit gets life and gets ass raped so hard he bleeds daily. He took a precious little life away that barely began. He deserves the harshest punishment he can get!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:58 PM

Wow, you really know how to get the water works going. :')

hugging

My nephew was completely in tact in some of my dreams as well. He had that same beautiful and flawless skin he's always had and that contagious smile. When he died, he also couldn't be recognized. The doctors said there wasn't one part of his body that wasn't severly injured. :( And before the funeral, I was hoping he'd look like the way he did in my dreams and he didn't. He looked worse which made me so grief-stricken that I almost collapsed in the church. After burying him, he showed up in my dreams a few times in the good ways I remembered him. 

It's usually when I'm awake that I get these "flashbacks" of his lifeless body. I think that's something I should keep discussing in depth with the therapist...


Quoting brittney28:

I know its the case, and trust me I questioned my faith as well, to be honest with you at times I still do. But one thing I do know is there is life after death and our loved ones are there watching out for us. The first visit I had from my dad was a lot like yours with your nephew. When I saw my dad in the hospital he was a purple blue color, that will never leave my mind, and he was so cold as they worked on him and I held his hand. I saw him two hours before his death and I did not tell him I loved him. I ALWAYS told him I loved him but for some reason I dident that day. Anyway when he came to visit me a few days after his passing it went like this.... He was laying in the hospital bed as I last saw him, except he wasent that purple blue color, he was the most beautiful glowing skin color. I can't explain it. And he was soooo warm, not the cold I remember. And he looked at me and said I love you too. Because I did not tell him I loved him earlier whenthey were wworking on him I held his hand and just told him over and over I loved him. It really bothered me that I did not tell him earlier in the day when I saw him. So that visit I got from him was letting me know he heard. I hope this makes since, I'm crying and typing at the same time.

Quoting Anonymous:

This made me cry. :') I really hope that is the case. This tragedy has been a huge (huge) test of my faith and has left me questioning so much, so reading things like that keeps that little flame of hope inside of me going.

Thank you.

Quoting brittney28:

Omg I'm so sorry. Its been 2 yrs since my dads death and I still have the hospital and casket visions everynight. His death was very unexpected as well. And as for you seeing him or dreaming him at the end of your bed, that's him visiting you, letting you know he's ok. I had crazy stuff happen to me the first six months after his death. Then it slowly started stopping. I wish I could say it gets easier but it don't, you just learn to deal with it. I have ptsd from what happened to my dad and get horrible panick and anxiety attacks! I hope and pray you find peace. And I hope piece of shit rots in jail.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:04 PM

This is the first time I ever heard PTSD come up. It could very well be it. It just seemed like overwhelming sadness and heartache for me.

Thank you very much for your kind words. And like I tell all my friends around me: even if for no reason at all, tell your children, nieces, nephews, grandkids--whomever--that you love them and always give them tons of hugs and kisses. They can be gone in just an instant.

Quoting ardiaxe:

You have PTSD, and therapy is what can really help you get through this.  I have a nephew that I love as if he was my own and the pain of losing such a precious boy would kill me.  I cannot imagine the pain that you are struggling with, it's heartbreaking.  I am so very sorry that you had to experience something so devastating.  It brings tears to my eyes. I wish you the best, remember that it's so important and so normal to grieve his loss, give yourself some time and compassion to do that.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:06 PM

thank you

I will have to bring that up the next time I go to therapy. Thank you.

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like post traumatic stress disorder  not depression Hun , I'm truly sorry for your loss

Quoting Anonymous:









It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.


My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 

crying




mindymay84
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:10 PM
((((hugs))))

I'm so sorry you're dealing with the pain of losing your nephew. My thoughts and prayers are with you
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