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I am haunted by my nephew's death.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

It's been just about 3 months since my nephew was murdered. He was only 5 and his mom's boyfriend is responsible for it and now awaiting trial.

My life has been nothing but sadness since he died. I've been seeing a therapist regularly to help me with my grief and I have a great support group of family and other moms to give me encouraging words. I smile and am grateful for anyone helping but I just don't feel like it helps. 

I'll be driving and running errands and out of nowhere, the sadness hits me hard. The tears run down my face even though I try to stop crying and compose myself. 

I just can't believe that something so horrific happened to my family. The images of his lifeless body on the hospital bed and him lying in a casket and us not being able to recognize him (from the injuries) haunts me even in my sleep. I get headaches and nauseated and I feel like the images come up unprovoked. There have been occasions (although not as many since right after his death) where I have dreams of him standing at the foot of my bed and immediately disappearing without me getting to say goodbye. :'(

I'm dealing with a heartbreak and heartache that can't be fixed. I've been reading, praying, meditating and taking time for myself but I don't feel like anything is helping. The sadness is just unbearable and I don't feel like I'm coping well. 


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:33 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:11 PM
Wow, I am very sorry for your loss and just wanna offer you (((((((hugs)))))))))) hope things get better for you.
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by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:25 PM
1 mom liked this

thank you

This was the first time I ever lost anyone remotely close to me and it had to be an innocent child. But I am taking baby steps. There isn't much I can do now...just keep moving forward with my life.

Quoting mlg1989:

I am truly sorry girl your loss. Its still very recent, so I wouldn't expect you to feel any different. All I can say is keep going to therapy and take baby steps but only when you are ready! Everyone grieves in different ways, when my mother and grandmother died when I was younger I cried everyday for months. Both times were sudden and tragic much like your story. I hope that you will soon be able to feel peace. *hugs*

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:27 PM

Thank you. 

I can't deal very well wih children's deaths, either so this was very hard to take in. We just hope that this monster gets convicted. He seems awfully confident that he won't. :(

Quoting Aleta775:

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've never been good at dealing with children dying whether they are related to me or not. If they were related to me I think would just be a total basket case. I hope that you can get some closer from the trial. 

by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:27 PM

I'm so sorry!!


by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:32 PM

Oh little one is the same age. How horrible. :( I feel the same way--there is nothing nice about seeing a shiny while tiny casket and I don't care how nice everything was set up. It was a nice way to "send him off" and celebrate his life but honestly, it was tragic and disgusting because it should have NEVER happened. He should have been loved and taken care of.

And thank you for your advice. I try to fight the grief so hard but at this point it's a lot tougher than I am. 

Quoting BraydensMama163:

I am so sorry for your loss. Its been almost 4 years since my cousin passed. I didn't know her she lived a ways away from us and I wasn't close to that side of my family. But she was only 2. It still bothers me thinking about how she died and the fact that the man responsible still hasn't been charged. I use to dream of her face. Its stopped within the last year. But I made tshirts for the family and sold some to help pay for the Dr bills.
Its still surreal after all this time. I didn't go to her coffin and see her little face, that tiny casket was enough for me. That's the worst sight I have ever seen in my life.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know most people will tell you to move on the best you can but honestly.I believe its ok to let the grief take over, for a while, and once your heart has had a chance to mourn you can begin to pull the pieces back together.

by Brittney on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:33 PM
I completely understand. My dad in his casket looked nothing like him, but in my visit/dream he was beautiful.

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, you really know how to get the water works going. :')


My nephew was completely in tact in some of my dreams as well. He had that same beautiful and flawless skin he's always had and that contagious smile. When he died, he also couldn't be recognized. The doctors said there wasn't one part of his body that wasn't severly injured. :( And before the funeral, I was hoping he'd look like the way he did in my dreams and he didn't. He looked worse which made me so grief-stricken that I almost collapsed in the church. After burying him, he showed up in my dreams a few times in the good ways I remembered him. 

It's usually when I'm awake that I get these "flashbacks" of his lifeless body. I think that's something I should keep discussing in depth with the therapist...

Quoting brittney28:

I know its the case, and trust me I questioned my faith as well, to be honest with you at times I still do. But one thing I do know is there is life after death and our loved ones are there watching out for us. The first visit I had from my dad was a lot like yours with your nephew. When I saw my dad in the hospital he was a purple blue color, that will never leave my mind, and he was so cold as they worked on him and I held his hand. I saw him two hours before his death and I did not tell him I loved him. I ALWAYS told him I loved him but for some reason I dident that day. Anyway when he came to visit me a few days after his passing it went like this.... He was laying in the hospital bed as I last saw him, except he wasent that purple blue color, he was the most beautiful glowing skin color. I can't explain it. And he was soooo warm, not the cold I remember. And he looked at me and said I love you too. Because I did not tell him I loved him earlier whenthey were wworking on him I held his hand and just told him over and over I loved him. It really bothered me that I did not tell him earlier in the day when I saw him. So that visit I got from him was letting me know he heard. I hope this makes since, I'm crying and typing at the same time.

Quoting Anonymous:

This made me cry. :') I really hope that is the case. This tragedy has been a huge (huge) test of my faith and has left me questioning so much, so reading things like that keeps that little flame of hope inside of me going.

Thank you.

Quoting brittney28:

Omg I'm so sorry. Its been 2 yrs since my dads death and I still have the hospital and casket visions everynight. His death was very unexpected as well. And as for you seeing him or dreaming him at the end of your bed, that's him visiting you, letting you know he's ok. I had crazy stuff happen to me the first six months after his death. Then it slowly started stopping. I wish I could say it gets easier but it don't, you just learn to deal with it. I have ptsd from what happened to my dad and get horrible panick and anxiety attacks! I hope and pray you find peace. And I hope piece of shit rots in jail.

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by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Oh, sweetie, that is just too awful for words. I am so, so very sorry for your loss:(

Maybe it would help to do some sort of ritual to help release your nephew's little spirit? It may sound odd, I know, but I would imagine that when he was waked and buried you were all in a total state of shock. I mean, after all, who could possibly be prepared for dealing with something that awful? I doubt that any of those who loved him truly got to properly let him go in such a state. Is there anything beautiful that you could do now, to celebrate him as the happy little boy he was, and release that happiness that was the essense of who he was out into the world? Something that would let you remember his goodness, and not just his tragic end? Maybe a special family gathering to listen to his fav songs, eat his fav foods, tell happy stories about him, look at pictures, and then let go of some balloons? Maybe your family could set up a memorial scholarship in his name, to promote good in the world in his memory?  His life needs to be celebrated, not just mourned. His funeral was dominated by loss. And while that loss is no less dulled, it needs to be accompanied by a joy that he was and always will your precious sweetie.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:05 AM
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and what you're going through. Are you on medication? If not, you may need to ask you're therapist about it. Hugs, mamma!! :(
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by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:17 AM

there are groups for familes of murdered children.  you need to participate.  Also, remember that grief takes time.  And just when we think we are able to handle the loss, we are back at square one.  give yourself a break, it will be easier to live and cope with the pain of it. 

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:19 AM

that is an amazing, and awesome idea.  rituals are wonderful healing tools. 

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