The sum total of the worth of my life is this: I rescued a few animals, gave birth to 4 kids and I'm currently needed to provide milk for my baby.
My four girls... 13 on down to 1 month old... I really tried to do my best with them but apparently I'm just a fuckup. My oldest is coming into her own now and hates me. No, this isn't just regular teen angst, she really hates me. She hasn't hugged me in years... she doesn't appreciate anything I do and she's become a terrible, rotten person. I don't know what I did wrong but I really messed everything up. I fear that in 5 years I'll be releasing a monster on the world.
My husband is perfect, he's only the father of my two youngest but he does his best with all four. He works his ass off at his job and provides for us, meanwhile I can barely get through my day of taking care of the baby. He comes home at the end of his busy day and makes supper for the family. I'm lucky if I can get some cleaning done but I'm otherwise exhausted. i feel very unworthy of my lovely family. I'm tired all the time and feel like i take two steps back for every step forward... like my entire existance here is dragging everyone back.
I am MOM... I'm supposed to be keeping this family together and keeping us going... but I can't do jack shit.
Everyone knows how awesome DH is - and they don't ever fail to remind me. I don't think there's ever been a single person to talk about how amazing of a wife I am and that he should be lucky. Nope... I'm the lucky one and I know it. I'm too lucky. He deserves better than me. No matter how hard I try, he deserves better than I could ever possibly be.