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Questions Regarding Adoption (Spoke to a lawyer) Edit...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

Dh and I have been ttc for about 9mo with no luck. A friend of mine is due July 7th. 

She asked if we wanted to adopt her daughter. We have a 3yr old son. 

Dh and I both agreed to the adoption. 

Here's the complications. She was married when she got pregnant. They are no longer married and she hasn't seen him. My questions are: Will he have to sign the adoption papers? Since I live in a different state, will it cause problems? What advice can you give us?

She says he wants nothing to do with the baby. but doesn't know if he will sign the adoption papers. Help? 


*Edit* I just spoke with a lawyer in Colorado. Here are my notes

First step is to find an adoption agency. Mother will need to receive relinquishment counseling and they will work with her to complete the legal process.


Father will need to be notified of the adoption, and agree to it. He will be notified of a court hearing to relinquish his rights.


Since we are in different states, Wyoming has to license me as an Adoptive Home. We will have to have our home visited, we will also need 6 months plus of supervision after the child is born before the adoption is finalized.


Even though it is a friend to friend adoption it still has to go through an agency. Costs are around $20,000.


Father MUST sigh his rights over because he is the “Presumed” father. Since Mother and he were married at time of conception.  

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:13 PM

BUMP!

MamaAgainx2
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:13 PM
1 mom liked this

As far as I know, in every state, the birth father must relinquish his rights...you *do not* want to play around with this...if you proceed without that(somehow, even in stating you don't know where he is.) he can come back and take that child from you later on! A father just won this kind of case in a court of appeals and the child was given back to him(a child he had never seen and repeatedly said he wasn't interested in raising) at nearly 2 years old. Devastating for everyone.  Get a lawyer...if nothing else, I am sure they will require you to advertise in papers in the areas where he is known to reside to try and get him to come in and relinquish...otherwise, the courts would have to relinquish. It could get really messy!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:14 PM
Dunno, good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:14 PM
The bio-dad has to also sign the baby over.
ShortCakeScrap
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Yes, the bio dad has to sign the papers.  If not, if he were to find out.........he could take the baby away.  At least that is some stories I have heard.  I wouldn't risk it without his signature.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Not a popular opinion, but whatever....They're no longer legally married, and she hasn't seen him...she could say she doesn't know who the father is...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:16 PM

That's exactly what I'm worried about. She said she will say she doesn't know where the father is. I am so scared he will come and take her. 

Quoting MamaAgainx2:

As far as I know, in every state, the birth father must relinquish his rights...you *do not* want to play around with this...if you proceed without that(somehow, even in stating you don't know where he is.) he can come back and take that child from you later on! A father just won this kind of case in a court of appeals and the child was given back to him(a child he had never seen and repeatedly said he wasn't interested in raising) at nearly 2 years old. Devastating for everyone.  Get a lawyer...if nothing else, I am sure they will require you to advertise in papers in the areas where he is known to reside to try and get him to come in and relinquish...otherwise, the courts would have to relinquish. It could get really messy!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:17 PM

That is what she said, but it still scares me to no end, that we could adopt this child and he could come take her away. The fact that I live out of state may make it even worse. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Not a popular opinion, but whatever....They're no longer legally married, and she hasn't seen him...she could say she doesn't know who the father is...


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Yup this, every single state the birthfather must relinquish OR you must be able to prove that you took steps to locate the birthfather. After doing that with no results the courts can terminate his rights.  Do NOT play games with this. It can seriously come back to bite you in the butt. Not only legally, but emotionally for your future daughter.  The lawyer you will use in the adoption will be able to tell you exactly what steps you need to take.  Good luck!  

Quoting MamaAgainx2:

As far as I know, in every state, the birth father must relinquish his rights...you *do not* want to play around with this...if you proceed without that(somehow, even in stating you don't know where he is.) he can come back and take that child from you later on! A father just won this kind of case in a court of appeals and the child was given back to him(a child he had never seen and repeatedly said he wasn't interested in raising) at nearly 2 years old. Devastating for everyone.  Get a lawyer...if nothing else, I am sure they will require you to advertise in papers in the areas where he is known to reside to try and get him to come in and relinquish...otherwise, the courts would have to relinquish. It could get really messy!


matofour
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:25 PM
Please do it the right way. The father has every right to choose to parent first.

He has to sign his rights away.
If he doesn't he can come fight the adoption. And there are absolutely cases where the father is given the child back.
It's heart wrenching.

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