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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it just MY adult kid

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

or are parents not allowed to have a life once their children become adults??????

My husband and I have 4 adult children in their 20's, 3 are in college and 1 has a family of his own. This year my husband and I have made plans for vacations, we had to go with the days that he could get for vacation time. He's a mail carrier so the time that he can bid for depends on his seniority in the post office so that makes his available dates limited.  He took time for a BIG vacation (to the U.K., our first trip outside of the United States) and then took time off for a smaller vacation to visit a friend he hasn't seen since 1988. The 1st vacation happens to fall around my husband's birthday and the 2nd vacation (to the U.K.) has us leaving 2 days before our 22yo's birthday (given the time hubby could take off and the availability of trip packages we were going to miss his bday no matter what unless we just didn't go at all). He got torqued when we told him we were leaving 2 days before his bday, we should be here for it and not off on a vacation. Tonight I told him that had booked our trip to NV and when we'd be gone and he got pissed because we aren't going to be here for his dad's bday, he's an hour away and he could have been here to celebrate. Last year we went to CA in August, planned the trip in Feb. when my now 22yo lived in another state and had NO CLUE that he would be home by Aug.. We had to cut our vacation, to see my husband's brother who is 20 years older than my husband and is currently 66 years old, short because our son was upset that we'd miss his bday. Given that he had lived away for 2 bdays we understood but GEEZ!!, at what point is it okay for mom and dad to do stuff and have fun, no matter what time of the year it is? I love my sons and all of their growing up years we focused on them. No birthdays missed, everything done as a family and we, as a couple, missed out on a lot of cool stuff because we had children and we focused on them. They all have their own lives, isn't it time for US to have one? If we didn't go to the U.K.. in August, there wouldn't have been a trip, mid-Aug. is just the only summer vacation time hubby can get. And the same applies for the time he's getting off in April. According to our 22yo, apparently his dad can take the time off but we can't go anywhere. He even went so far as to tell me that we don't act like we have kids. THEY ARE ADULTS, not small children who we need to focus on!! His brothers are fine with us doing stuff but he acts like a brat.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:40 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:05 AM

 He got over the missing his bday part already, we told him we'd do something before we left. We are going to be gone when our oldest turns 27 and he could truly care less, he lives in another city and is in college. 'he knows we'll do something when we get home. This is just something new for him to be mad about. You should have heard him 3 weeks ago when he told us he got a part in the play at college and I asked him when it was. We would have  skipped the vacation if it was the same weekend we planned to go to NV as long as the tickets weren't bought but I told him that he was lucky he caught me before I spent $1000 on plane tickets because if I had already bought the tickets we would NOT be going to his play. OMG. It created a huge war because he felt like I was saying that $1000 was worth more than him. Who the hell can afford to just throw a grand away though? I know we have some pricey vacations planned but we saved for them, we don't just have cash to toss in the trash.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you should go on your trips as planned & enjoy yourselves. If celebrating the birthday's with you is so important to your adult kids, maybe get together & celebrate them either before you leave or after you get back. Otherwise, just tell them they're "big boys" & will be fine to skip celebrating this year. 

With my parents, we occassionally get together to celebrate birthdays on the day, but more often just do a phone call on the day & celebrate together whenever. My parents, as adults almost never celebrated a birthday with my grandparents, but always called & gave them cards & gifts.

 

MrsErdos2011
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:06 AM

Tell him to put on his big girl panties and act like the adult he claims to be

heartslove09
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:10 AM

I would tell him how incredibly selfish he is being and its your time now. Dont worry have fun on vacation.

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:12 AM
my parents have no qualms about telling me they are happy to be kid free and be able to do thier own thing. they went on vacays when me and my brothers were kids anyway, but now they do it a whole lot more. like a whole lot more. my mom was scheduled to go on a cruise on my duedate with my daughter. i thought that was a little selfish, and it really hurt me. but i never said a word, shes an adult and is no longer responsible for me at all.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:27 AM

 

Quoting got2monsters:

my parents have no qualms about telling me they are happy to be kid free and be able to do thier own thing. they went on vacays when me and my brothers were kids anyway, but now they do it a whole lot more. like a whole lot more. my mom was scheduled to go on a cruise on my duedate with my daughter. i thought that was a little selfish, and it really hurt me. but i never said a word, shes an adult and is no longer responsible for me at all.

 For a due date I would not plan anything if I knew ahead of time. We found out about 3 weeks after we paid for our U.K. vacation that our dear friend, who is like a daughter to us, is pregnant and she just told us on Monday (a month after we booked our vacation) that he due date is the day after we leave. I put in an order for the baby to be born before Aug. 15 or after Sept. 1st. I know that we set the bar high for our kids because we revolved around them and I can understand if they get a little hurt but to yell at me and acuse me of not acting like someone with kids is just wrong ona  lot of levels. There comes a time when mom and dad have to focus on mom and dad and this is our time.

kcrogue
by Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:37 AM

My parents have missed a couple of my birthdays in the last few years for traveling. Last year they were in China for my 25th birthday. They apologised and assured them no big deal. I'm happy they travel and hope I get to too someday. My little brother, who only just graduated high school, doesn't seemed to mind even when he kept getting left behind with grandma. However, there is my sister. My sister texts my mother all the time and expect immediate responses. She's easily insulted although quick to forgive. I can't imagine my parents missing her birthday, luckily her birthday is close to Easter and we usually celebrate together. I don't know what to do other then apologize for possibility upsetting him and hope he gets over it. Sorry. 

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:42 AM
yes it is yalls time. my kids are 2 and 4 and as soon as they graduate me and dh are going to europe for a summer. a whole damn summer,lol.


Quoting Anonymous:

 


Quoting got2monsters:

my parents have no qualms about telling me they are happy to be kid free and be able to do thier own thing. they went on vacays when me and my brothers were kids anyway, but now they do it a whole lot more. like a whole lot more. my mom was scheduled to go on a cruise on my duedate with my daughter. i thought that was a little selfish, and it really hurt me. but i never said a word, shes an adult and is no longer responsible for me at all.

 For a due date I would not plan anything if I knew ahead of time. We found out about 3 weeks after we paid for our U.K. vacation that our dear friend, who is like a daughter to us, is pregnant and she just told us on Monday (a month after we booked our vacation) that he due date is the day after we leave. I put in an order for the baby to be born before Aug. 15 or after Sept. 1st. I know that we set the bar high for our kids because we revolved around them and I can understand if they get a little hurt but to yell at me and acuse me of not acting like someone with kids is just wrong ona  lot of levels. There comes a time when mom and dad have to focus on mom and dad and this is our time.


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Pink.Frosting
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:47 AM

You're right, he's being a brat.  Thank goodness your other sons are acting sensible.  Not to be mean but - sometimes when a young adult is acting out like that, they need to be called out on it.  Tell him he's acting like a little kid not getting his way and that he's going to have to deal.  Then go on your vacations and enjoy yourselves.

bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:22 AM

I'd say my kids will never be like that, but they probably will lol. I hope he realizes he's being silly before EVERYone sees that hes being a brat. I would never have done that, even at 16 when my parents started going to mexico regularly, but then I wasn't exactly a 'wanted/loved child' lol.

I hope you have fun, one of my goals is to travel the uk in its entirety(sp?) becuase I am a total amature history nut

Quoting Anonymous:

 He's not jealous. He just wants our undivided attention. It's our fault. We "spoiled" our kids with a SAHM, parents who never did anything without their kids (I mean NEVER, not anything) until our oldest son turned 13 and our youngest was 8, etc.. I pretty much told him he had to be fucking kidding me, that he was going to get mad because we were going on vacation during his dad's bday. That's when he told me I was acting like I didn't even have kids. Give me a break. He's 22 years old, there's been a few days that he's missed with us because of girlfriends, plans, etc.. That's okay apparently.

Quoting bustybee:

wow, your son sounds jealous lol

 


 

AnastasiaKorsh
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:35 AM

I'm sorry. Have you told them this?

I would never hold it against my mom for missing my birthday. Last year she traveled to paris for it, but I don't mind. As long as she's happy. We can celebrate my birthday any day of the week. As long as I get a present ;p

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting AnastasiaKorsh:

So tell him he's being a brat and go. He is grown, he'll get over it.

 Oh we're going. I just spent $900 on plane tickets plus the money for hotel costs for our trip to NV and we have already paid $4300 for the ground portion of our trip to the U.K.. It just frustrates the hell out of me that he acts like we are being bad parents because his dad's vacation time coincides with birthdays. They grew up, the nest emptied, it's our time. We passed up things when they were kids because we felt that we should focus on our kids and not be the parents who are off gallivanting all the time. We said "next year"on too many things that never happened next year like concerts, we thought our bands would be around forever and they weren't (youth...we didn't see past the short term, LOL).. The one thing that sticks out in our mind was several years ago we said "next year" about going to a club owned by the lead singer of a band we loved in the 90's. he was a nice guy, a very friendly host and at his NYE party he was right there with the guests. We had the money to go but we chose to stay home with our sons for NYE and ring the new year in with them and said "next year". It never happened, the lead singer of the band died. We are 45 and 46 years old, not old but not spring chickens. if we keep putting stuff off until next year we are going to realize we missed out on so much. And he will get over it but, it still agitates me.


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