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I had an abortion. And I have never stopped grieving UPDATE #3

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My story:

I had an abortion right when I turned 18. (2005) I feel that the choice I made was absolutly the wrong one

The child was planned, but after I had concieved my then bf ( we had married but it was just a religous ceremony) decided that he did not want the baby. His family was totally against me having the child. I caved under the presure and had an abortion. I felt betrayed by the people who were suppose to love and protect us. I also felt like I had betrayed who I was, as a woman and a mother to have killed my child. 

I have felt so bad about it so many years later. And I ALSO feel guilty for grieving. Thought the years I have struggled. Sometimes are better than others.

When I was at the clinic everyone sold the idea to me like it was a reset button. That having a baby is a lifelong choice, and that having an abortion is not. They didnt tell me that I would grieve for the rest of my life though. I really feel that there was a miscarry of justice. That clinics are not being totally honest. That the only negative side effect from an abortion is not just the possiblity of an infection. 

I tried to feel really empowered by my choice. Look how free I was after all!! But it didnt work. 

Truth be told. My choice did not sink in until my sister gave birth to her child. Then it hit me " I had been pregnant with a baby! I should have a 7 month old right now!!

Purpose of this post: To connect with others who have had had this experience? Got an abortion that they later regreted? Has anyone felt guilty for grieving? What have you found helps bring comfort, clousure, or honors the memory of your child? This post is also a causionary tale. So feel free to share it with anyone who is thinking about an abortion

*PS this post is not about weather or not abortion should be legal, or if its wrong etc etc etc. ALL of that is for a DIFFERENT post (that you gotta make yourself)*

*PPS I am NOT looking for any sort of sympathy! I am trying to connect to other mothers who have been in the same or simular circumstances*

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:32 AM
Replies (291-298):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 45 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 6:50 PM

I know people that have been on this retreat and they say it is incredible.  I am sending you good thoughts that you will find healing.  Life is a journey, and we all find pitfalls along the way.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, I have been there though my pregnancy was not planned. I had my abortion in 2004, and I have regretted it ever since. I have tried to forgive myself and let it go, but the guilt I feel is pretty big. I recently heard about a weekend retreat that helps people through their post-abortion grief. It's called Rachel's Vineyard. I am planning on attending the retreat.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 47 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 6:51 PM

I have Abortion regret. I had an Abortion at the  forcing of my parents at 16 and my heart is missing that piece and I am so mad that I didnt stand up for myself back then.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 46 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 6:57 PM

Thank you.

Quoting Anonymous:

I know people that have been on this retreat and they say it is incredible.  I am sending you good thoughts that you will find healing.  Life is a journey, and we all find pitfalls along the way.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, I have been there though my pregnancy was not planned. I had my abortion in 2004, and I have regretted it ever since. I have tried to forgive myself and let it go, but the guilt I feel is pretty big. I recently heard about a weekend retreat that helps people through their post-abortion grief. It's called Rachel's Vineyard. I am planning on attending the retreat.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.




firespurity
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:09 PM
I haven't decided

Quoting SadeAyosmom:

what are you switching too>?

Quoting firespurity:

The mucus is what's making me paranoid too. This confirms my fear. I am making the appointment to switch today.



Quoting SadeAyosmom:

i didnt miss a pill. i took it right.

i remember one time seeing ovulation mucas but i thought no im on the mini pill its just white stuff in my undies.

Nope. im mainly mad that i saw it knew that it looked like ovulation and it obviously was. but i still had sex.

i am booked to get the copper IUD  on the 14th. i cannot wait. i have not felt comfortable with the mini pill that i took the whole 7 weeks i was pregnant not knowing. i have no trust for it.

if i wouldnt of had morning sickness i would never of known i was pregnant cause i havent had a period im still breast feeding DS. so the only bleeding i have had was the 2week bleed after the abortion. i havent had a period since the abortion and that makes me really uncomfotable.

Quoting firespurity:

I'm on the mini pill right now. I keep getting an ominous feeling it will fail.





Quoting SadeAyosmom:

I aborted Dec 20th. i would of been 12-14 weeks this week.

I still feel raw about it. So i guess that answers my question if i will ever get over it. no.

Fkn mini pill i hate you. i really fkn hate you mini pill.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:12 PM


Quoting AnastasiaKorsh:

I have had an abortion, I don't regret the choice at all. I rarely ever think back on it.

I do have a friend, who like you, was pressured to get an abortion but by her husband. She was a wreck after it for a while. But when she had her daughter, she seems to have gotten better.

If you feel so badly about getting an abortion, have you looked into counseling?

I'm with you. Don't regret the two abortions or feel sad. I hope you find some peace op. 

babyboy117
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:44 PM
It's okay. I am at peace with it now. I know one day I will get to meet with my baby.

Quoting wannabpregnant:

I'm sorry you lost the baby=(




Quoting babyboy117:

 I agree. When I had my ultra sound for the abortion, they turned the screen away from me. Didn't even ask me if I wanted to see it. I demanded a print out of the Ultra sound. The girl acted like she didn't want to give it to me. I just really felt like they were money hungry and could care less about the way I felt. I think they should offer counseling BEFORE and AFTER the abortion. They need to make sure the girl is makinga decision based on her own, and not making the decision because she is being pressured or forced. I also think that they should not let men in the clinic at all. My abusive ex sat right next to me and made sure I took my Xanax they gave me before the procedure was done. Then he made sure I went to the back when it was my turn. Thankfully I told the nurse I wanted out, and I told her to show me the back door and I ran. Sometimes I wonder if that strong XANAX caused me to miscarry. I slept all day that day. I am very sorry you went thru this. I hope you can forgive yourself.



Quoting EachNewBreath:



 



I totally agree with you. I had always been prochoice. just because I had never given any thought to it (prior to my abortion) The pro-choice movement always talks about education. Education Education Education! But my personal exp was that the important things were not discussed. I asked if the baby could feel pain. And they told me there was no aswer. I asked if the baby was a baby and they told me they couldnt answer. All of the questions I asked they said that they could not answer. That they were religious questions and that doctors could not answer religious questions.



They said that having a child was a life long choice and abortion was not. They did not tell me that abortions had any sideeffects, other than a possible infection. 



YET even though it is not a choice that I would make again I do not know if I would try to stop another woman from getting an abortion if that was really her hearts desire. I would just share wiht her my own story. 



I think that clinics need to be unfront and honest. If the pro choice movement is about education and honesty then they need to be ok the 100% of the truth. 



Quoting babyboy117:



 This is why I think abortion clinic's shouldn't exist. I was almost in your shoes. I was pressured to go into the clinic to have an abortion. However, I walked out. Only to find out a week later that I lost the baby. I think alot of women are pressured or forced to have abortions. Either by parents or by an abusive s/o.



 



 



 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Aeonix
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:47 PM
I'm sorry. :( I know you don't want sympathy, but I've never been through it, so that's all I can offer.
LHummel
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:05 AM
1 mom liked this

Found a book about abortion grieving. Maybe that can help. Titled " Forbidden Grief. The Unspoken Pain Of Abortion" 

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