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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I had an abortion. And I have never stopped grieving UPDATE #3

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My story:

I had an abortion right when I turned 18. (2005) I feel that the choice I made was absolutly the wrong one

The child was planned, but after I had concieved my then bf ( we had married but it was just a religous ceremony) decided that he did not want the baby. His family was totally against me having the child. I caved under the presure and had an abortion. I felt betrayed by the people who were suppose to love and protect us. I also felt like I had betrayed who I was, as a woman and a mother to have killed my child. 

I have felt so bad about it so many years later. And I ALSO feel guilty for grieving. Thought the years I have struggled. Sometimes are better than others.

When I was at the clinic everyone sold the idea to me like it was a reset button. That having a baby is a lifelong choice, and that having an abortion is not. They didnt tell me that I would grieve for the rest of my life though. I really feel that there was a miscarry of justice. That clinics are not being totally honest. That the only negative side effect from an abortion is not just the possiblity of an infection. 

I tried to feel really empowered by my choice. Look how free I was after all!! But it didnt work. 

Truth be told. My choice did not sink in until my sister gave birth to her child. Then it hit me " I had been pregnant with a baby! I should have a 7 month old right now!!

Purpose of this post: To connect with others who have had had this experience? Got an abortion that they later regreted? Has anyone felt guilty for grieving? What have you found helps bring comfort, clousure, or honors the memory of your child? This post is also a causionary tale. So feel free to share it with anyone who is thinking about an abortion

*PS this post is not about weather or not abortion should be legal, or if its wrong etc etc etc. ALL of that is for a DIFFERENT post (that you gotta make yourself)*

*PPS I am NOT looking for any sort of sympathy! I am trying to connect to other mothers who have been in the same or simular circumstances*

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:32 AM
Replies (31-40):
EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:49 AM
1 mom liked this

So sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you husband understands.

A lot of people dont understand the grief that comes with abortion.

Quoting Anonymous:

I still grieve my baby. My ex DH was abusive, told me I got pregnant on purpose and he would make mine and the baby's life Hell if I didn't ”take care of it”. I did what at the time I felt I had no choice but to do. I will never get over that loss... I divorced him anyway. I divorced him over the abortion and abuse. I wish I would have had the baby and left him as soon as he told me to ”take care of it”... I grieve her due date every year. My current dh is very supportive and sets aside the day to be with me and let me grieve the way I need to.



NBean311
by Chivette on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:49 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm so incredibly sorry. I haven't been through that, so I can't give advice. But, you have my prayers and love sent your way that you may heal. 

mommamaggi
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:50 AM
1 mom liked this

You are grieving. I would be more worried if you weren't to be honest. Eventually you will let yourself move forward, but it will take time, and maybe some therapy.


Quoting SadeAyosmom:

I am honestly wondering... will i stop counting the weeks.. it's sick of me to do this.. but i am. i am counting how many weeks i 'would' be.



wannabpregnant
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:50 AM
still. I'm sorry


Quoting mommamaggi:

This may sound weird, but I'm really not sorry. If it hadn't happened I wouldn't have started releasing double eggs and I wouldn't have my twins...

Though being raped is to awful for words, and abortion is painful both physically and emotionally, its the reason I have my 4 month old babies; its the reason our family is complete. They are my silver lining.



Quoting wannabpregnant:

=,(', I'm sorry





Quoting mommamaggi:

I felt guilty for a while, but the guilt subsided. My circumstances were much different though; I was raped, you were in love. I was depressed, you were happy. I didn't want the baby, you did. It was my choice, you were pushed.

I am so so sorry that you were guilted and pushed into giving up your baby; no one has the right to tell a woman when to or not to have a baby and it makes me so angry that you were pressured into doing something you didn't want to do. 

*hug* Time will help you heal, just please, don't ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do ever again. Good luck.







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SadeAyosmom
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:51 AM

massive sigh and a sad face.

Quoting mommamaggi:

You are grieving. I would be more worried if you weren't to be honest. Eventually you will let yourself move forward, but it will take time, and maybe some therapy.


Quoting SadeAyosmom:

I am honestly wondering... will i stop counting the weeks.. it's sick of me to do this.. but i am. i am counting how many weeks i 'would' be.




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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:52 AM
Actually ive recently remarried and my dh and i will begin ttc in two months.... so no tube tying for me.. fuck you very much!


Quoting Anonymous:

 




Quoting Anonymous:

Im so sorry you were pressured into it...that must be awful. Noone should be pressured. Its a decision that each woman should make on her own.... to be forced to abort is horrible!

That being said. Ive had 3. ( which i know will get me bashed). Young with an abusive bf 1st, freshly divorced single mom barely scraping by ... date rape 2nd. And working too many night shifts got mixed up on my bc totally unplanned also barely providing for my two children 3rd.

Each case was hard..but i am at peace with it. I know i made the best choice for me and my family at each point in my life.

Im sorry your hurting...have you looked into counseling?



 PLEASE get your tubes tied!!!!! Abortion is NOT  birth control!


maryjmom
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:53 AM
We agree to disagree. Just please stop antagonizing the OP. She's suffered enough, and it still suffering. She knows the pain of what happened. Please, Anon, leave her alone.

I'm going to bed now, so if you quote me, I wont see it.


Quoting Anonymous:

i absolutely can choose. if she can choose murder and then regret it, i can choose when i am pro life or choice.




Quoting maryjmom:

You can't just pick and choose when your pro-life or pro-choice. I'm pro-life through and through. The OP didn't want the abortion. She was forced into it by people she thought she could trust. I feel for her. I really do. She doesn't need antagonizing now. She needs someone to understand and care. I won't get into this argument here with you, anon. Its too late, and I have to go to bed.





Quoting Anonymous:

harsh? no. harsh is planning a pregnancy. succeeding. and then sentencing the baby to death becuz the boy changed his mind. I'm pro choice. but in certain circumstances only. And this isn't one of them.








Quoting maryjmom:

Bit harsh there Anon, don't ya think?














OP, I'm pro-life, but I wont shove that down your throat. You made a choice that you now realize wasn't for you. It was for others. Now, you know abortion isn't for you. Take care in knowing that that baby will always be in your heart.










Quoting Anonymous:

Yup. abortion is a death penalty for you and the baby. maybe next time you will think twice before opening your legs


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EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:53 AM


That is what I am wondering. A lot of women who have had abortions dont really talk about it. Like mentioning that we grive is taboo. I was begining to wonder if other women do feel the "empowered" feeling that people talk about . In stead of the empty feeling

Quoting 4kids4tara:

I just wanted to say I am very sorry. I volunteer at a Womens Center and what you are feeling is very normal.



EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:55 AM


Yes. I wish that the clinics would be a lot more open. The pro choice group talks a lot about education but the mince words a lot. I wish someone would have told me to think about it. That I was pregnant. THat I had a baby inside of me. That having an abortion was not a reset button, that it just made me the mother of a dead baby

Quoting SadeAyosmom:

I aborted Dec 20th. i would of been 12-14 weeks this week.

I still feel raw about it. So i guess that answers my question if i will ever get over it. no.

Fkn mini pill i hate you. i really fkn hate you mini pill.



EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:56 AM


It didnt really help to much. And the times when it did seem to help I would stop going. Every so often though it flares up REALLY baddly. 

Quoting AnastasiaKorsh:

Why aren't you going to it at a steady time?

This is something that will take a while to heal, and probably something that you will never forget. I'm sorry this happened to you.





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