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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I had an abortion. And I have never stopped grieving UPDATE #3

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My story:

I had an abortion right when I turned 18. (2005) I feel that the choice I made was absolutly the wrong one

The child was planned, but after I had concieved my then bf ( we had married but it was just a religous ceremony) decided that he did not want the baby. His family was totally against me having the child. I caved under the presure and had an abortion. I felt betrayed by the people who were suppose to love and protect us. I also felt like I had betrayed who I was, as a woman and a mother to have killed my child. 

I have felt so bad about it so many years later. And I ALSO feel guilty for grieving. Thought the years I have struggled. Sometimes are better than others.

When I was at the clinic everyone sold the idea to me like it was a reset button. That having a baby is a lifelong choice, and that having an abortion is not. They didnt tell me that I would grieve for the rest of my life though. I really feel that there was a miscarry of justice. That clinics are not being totally honest. That the only negative side effect from an abortion is not just the possiblity of an infection. 

I tried to feel really empowered by my choice. Look how free I was after all!! But it didnt work. 

Truth be told. My choice did not sink in until my sister gave birth to her child. Then it hit me " I had been pregnant with a baby! I should have a 7 month old right now!!

Purpose of this post: To connect with others who have had had this experience? Got an abortion that they later regreted? Has anyone felt guilty for grieving? What have you found helps bring comfort, clousure, or honors the memory of your child? This post is also a causionary tale. So feel free to share it with anyone who is thinking about an abortion

*PS this post is not about weather or not abortion should be legal, or if its wrong etc etc etc. ALL of that is for a DIFFERENT post (that you gotta make yourself)*

*PPS I am NOT looking for any sort of sympathy! I am trying to connect to other mothers who have been in the same or simular circumstances*

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:32 AM
Replies (41-50):
mommamaggi
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:56 AM

I really don't understand your thinking here... either abortion is murder or its not. At least be consistent... how is it okay for rape victims but not people who had consensual sex? Is aborting a rape baby not murder? Does a rape baby not count as a baby in your eyes? 



Quoting Anonymous:

i absolutely can choose. if she can choose murder and then regret it, i can choose when i am pro life or choice.


Quoting maryjmom:

You can't just pick and choose when your pro-life or pro-choice. I'm pro-life through and through. The OP didn't want the abortion. She was forced into it by people she thought she could trust. I feel for her. I really do. She doesn't need antagonizing now. She needs someone to understand and care. I won't get into this argument here with you, anon. Its too late, and I have to go to bed.



Quoting Anonymous:

harsh? no. harsh is planning a pregnancy. succeeding. and then sentencing the baby to death becuz the boy changed his mind. I'm pro choice. but in certain circumstances only. And this isn't one of them.






Quoting maryjmom:

Bit harsh there Anon, don't ya think?











OP, I'm pro-life, but I wont shove that down your throat. You made a choice that you now realize wasn't for you. It was for others. Now, you know abortion isn't for you. Take care in knowing that that baby will always be in your heart.








Quoting Anonymous:

Yup. abortion is a death penalty for you and the baby. maybe next time you will think twice before opening your legs




Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:56 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting MrsErdos2011:

I'm sorry sweetie. Here is a big e-hug. hugs 


EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:56 AM


Ok this isnt about your choice though. That is completly off topic. THIS post is about women who have been in simular or the same circumstances. 

Quoting Anonymous:

i absolutely can choose. if she can choose murder and then regret it, i can choose when i am pro life or choice.



mommamaggi
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:57 AM

Thank you :)


Quoting wannabpregnant:

still. I'm sorry


Quoting mommamaggi:

This may sound weird, but I'm really not sorry. If it hadn't happened I wouldn't have started releasing double eggs and I wouldn't have my twins...

Though being raped is to awful for words, and abortion is painful both physically and emotionally, its the reason I have my 4 month old babies; its the reason our family is complete. They are my silver lining.



Quoting wannabpregnant:

=,(', I'm sorry





Quoting mommamaggi:

I felt guilty for a while, but the guilt subsided. My circumstances were much different though; I was raped, you were in love. I was depressed, you were happy. I didn't want the baby, you did. It was my choice, you were pushed.

I am so so sorry that you were guilted and pushed into giving up your baby; no one has the right to tell a woman when to or not to have a baby and it makes me so angry that you were pressured into doing something you didn't want to do. 

*hug* Time will help you heal, just please, don't ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do ever again. Good luck.









white_wolf454
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:57 AM
1 mom liked this

your soo gonna get ripped apart hon , these woman are cold heartless wenches who will take joy in twisting that dagger in you heart . they cant punish you more then what your doing to your self but if you had the child you be bound to that boy and his hellish family forever . consider it a blessing and that you will have your child again 

EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:58 AM


That is REALLY off topic. THIS post is about women who have had abortions and weather or not they exp regret and grieved after wards. 

Quoting mommamaggi:

I really don't understand your thinking here... either abortion is murder or its not. At least be consistent... how is it okay for rape victims but not people who had consensual sex? Is aborting a rape baby not murder? Does a rape baby not count as a baby in your eyes? 









EachNewBreath
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:00 AM


I really dont mind what people think of me. I am really just interested in other womens exp. No one can make me feel any worse for me taking the life of my child. So no worries there. 

Quoting white_wolf454:

your soo gonna get ripped apart hon , these woman are cold heartless wenches who will take joy in twisting that dagger in you heart . they cant punish you more then what your doing to your self but if you had the child you be bound to that boy and his hellish family forever . consider it a blessing and that you will have your child again 



mommamaggi
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:01 AM

I'm sorry, but her ripping on you was pissing me off and generally, when you point out these trolls ignorant hypocrisy they back off. I can't stand to see someone who is suffering being talked down to so relentlessly.


Quoting EachNewBreath:


That is REALLY off topic. THIS post is about women who have had abortions and weather or not they exp regret and grieved after wards. 

Quoting mommamaggi:

I really don't understand your thinking here... either abortion is murder or its not. At least be consistent... how is it okay for rape victims but not people who had consensual sex? Is aborting a rape baby not murder? Does a rape baby not count as a baby in your eyes? 











Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:02 AM
the baby is a baby. murder ifs murder. but i dont know i could carry a pbaby after rape cuz ive never been there. i have however made a decision to have a child. and had i not miscarried, no one could tell me to kill my baby. but if i chose to have a baby, its a long term decision. not one that ould have changed over a boy changing his mind.


Quoting mommamaggi:

I really don't understand your thinking here... either abortion is murder or its not. At least be consistent... how is it okay for rape victims but not people who had consensual sex? Is aborting a rape baby not murder? Does a rape baby not count as a baby in your eyes? 




Quoting Anonymous:

i absolutely can choose. if she can choose murder and then regret it, i can choose when i am pro life or choice.





Quoting maryjmom:

You can't just pick and choose when your pro-life or pro-choice. I'm pro-life through and through. The OP didn't want the abortion. She was forced into it by people she thought she could trust. I feel for her. I really do. She doesn't need antagonizing now. She needs someone to understand and care. I won't get into this argument here with you, anon. Its too late, and I have to go to bed.





Quoting Anonymous:

harsh? no. harsh is planning a pregnancy. succeeding. and then sentencing the baby to death becuz the boy changed his mind. I'm pro choice. but in certain circumstances only. And this isn't one of them.









Quoting maryjmom:

Bit harsh there Anon, don't ya think?














OP, I'm pro-life, but I wont shove that down your throat. You made a choice that you now realize wasn't for you. It was for others. Now, you know abortion isn't for you. Take care in knowing that that baby will always be in your heart.










Quoting Anonymous:

Yup. abortion is a death penalty for you and the baby. maybe next time you will think twice before opening your legs








mommamaggi
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:05 AM

She was 18 and being told by this baby's whole family that they didn't want it and she needed to get rid of it. She was scared and hurt and she was pressured into doing something she didn't want to do. She feels like shit and its eating her alive because she knows in her heart that her baby didn't deserve to be aborted. Making her feel worse about it is a cruel and heartless thing to do.


Quoting Anonymous:

the baby is a baby. murder ifs murder. but i dont know i could carry a pbaby after rape cuz ive never been there. i have however made a decision to have a child. and had i not miscarried, no one could tell me to kill my baby. but if i chose to have a baby, its a long term decision. not one that ould have changed over a boy changing his mind.


Quoting mommamaggi:

I really don't understand your thinking here... either abortion is murder or its not. At least be consistent... how is it okay for rape victims but not people who had consensual sex? Is aborting a rape baby not murder? Does a rape baby not count as a baby in your eyes? 




Quoting Anonymous:

i absolutely can choose. if she can choose murder and then regret it, i can choose when i am pro life or choice.





Quoting maryjmom:

You can't just pick and choose when your pro-life or pro-choice. I'm pro-life through and through. The OP didn't want the abortion. She was forced into it by people she thought she could trust. I feel for her. I really do. She doesn't need antagonizing now. She needs someone to understand and care. I won't get into this argument here with you, anon. Its too late, and I have to go to bed.





Quoting Anonymous:

harsh? no. harsh is planning a pregnancy. succeeding. and then sentencing the baby to death becuz the boy changed his mind. I'm pro choice. but in certain circumstances only. And this isn't one of them.









Quoting maryjmom:

Bit harsh there Anon, don't ya think?














OP, I'm pro-life, but I wont shove that down your throat. You made a choice that you now realize wasn't for you. It was for others. Now, you know abortion isn't for you. Take care in knowing that that baby will always be in your heart.










Quoting Anonymous:

Yup. abortion is a death penalty for you and the baby. maybe next time you will think twice before opening your legs










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