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Easier to be a SAHM...? *ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Was it easier to be a SAHM "back in the day"?

It occured to me that times have changed dramatically in the past 50-60 years. And there is still a notion of how SAHM are "lazy", or have it "easy". I think that may stem from outdated perceptions.

See way back when families were close knit, a support system, there to help with the kids/baby. Grandma would be very involved, aunts would be very involved, if mom needed help family and extended family would have her back in a jiffy! Not like today where there are many broken families or families that are not close, etc.

These days, you have people like myself, who get no help, no family support, no OPTION of having someone watch the kids for 5 minutes, which makes my job that much harder.

I just can't understand the notion of "Oh you SAHM, stop your whining, you have it easy, women have been doing your same job for thousands of years", while that statement has truth to it, we should also note that throughout history moms have always needed HELP at one point or another, by family, or in tribes where mothers help out other mothers and it is a GROUP EFFORT.

Me, I'm all alone, my DH is gone either at work or asleep 20hrs out of a 24hr day. I do not have family to help, and no women that would help without me spending a pretty penny lol.... I love being a SAHM, its hard and stressful, but that one comment just got me thinking.


ETA:  This post has NOTHING to do with WORKING MOMS(not meaning that in a negative way lol).

It's not about WM Vs. SAHM, its about today's SAHM Vs the SAHM of long ago throughout history.

I love hearing what you all have been saying, and whether a WAHM or a SAHM having it "easy" is all circumstancial so there is no grouping any one party together.

BACK TO THE POINT: Some of you pointed out modern covienances, and while I agree that it makes physical labor easier - example: Vacuum, dishwasher, washing machines/dryers, being able to drive, t.v, etc----- I still think that as mothers MOST of our strife whether working or staying home is a MENTAL GAME, and for the SAHM of today you can go batsh!t crazy having no help(even for 5 minutes while you want to pee!), you cannot rely on family, and the fact that very few moms stay home make it hard to band together and offer some support and adult conversation! Its HARD.

The physicalities of my job aren't that bad, but I would rather my body be drained than my SOUL! lol

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:26 AM
I am saner working then I was being a stay at home mom. I can honestly say I give props to good stay at home moms, I know first hand it isn't easy. No real breaks, no personal space, it's worth it but it's hard. I'm also a single working mom now, which is also hard, but my sanity is much more intact!
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by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:26 AM
This is my social life during the week, how sad. lol

Quoting SommelierMom:

Quoting MommyAddie:

I think it may have been easier back in the day because all the other women in the neighborhood were home, too. A larger social support system.

I agree with this point.  I'm one of very few SAHMs in my circle of friends, so my social life is limited during the day.

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by ~Tammie~ on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:27 AM

I admit i only have one kid but really I got just as much accomplished each day with him home. Its not always easy. I had rough days. I'm just saying when I had a full time job and was juggling parenthood it wasn't easy. It was much harder. I think that SAHM's have to say how hard it is because our life choice is bashed repeatedly by society today. 

Quoting SommelierMom:

Quoting brettsmomma:

Mu husband works a crazy amount of hours and my nearest family member lives 4 hours away. Its still is easy to be a SAHM. I worked the beginning of my sons life and it wasn't fun at all. I knew no joy just stress.

My house is clean, we eat healthy meals, and i get to volunteer 3 times a week in my sons class. All thanks to my husband. Who is the one that truly has it hard in this family.

I think it's a different story once the kids are in school.  You have all that time each day to get things done.

Photo: -Randi.Photo

by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:29 AM

I don't think it was easier.  They didn't have half of the modern conveniences that we have now.

Mommyhood is hard, period.   

by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:29 AM
This is true, but back then kids came home and did chores and played outside. There wasn't baseball practice, dance four days a week, homework galore, ect. A sahm is now usually NOT home very much! At least I'm not...I cook, clean, laundry for four is usually six to eight outfits a day (due to activities), towels, ect. I care for our animals, help with the yard and pool, do school activities, baseball, dance, remodeling and maintenance (which includes pressure washing, landscaping, growing a garden, plumbing when needed), and pretty much anything else that comes up. I'm pregnant and have NO help unless I pay for it! It really depends on what a woman holds herself accountable for!!!

Quoting lovemysnugbugs:

 I actually think it was harder back in the day. They didn't have the modern conveniences that we do now.

I find being a SAHM pretty easy. I have my stressful days, everyone does, but overall I think it's easier than working. For me anyway. Everyone's different.

by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:30 AM

I think husbands always think we're lazy in some way. When I'm a SAHM, hubby bitches I have it made & get to "rest" all day (even though I am cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, etc.)... When I work as a nurse part time, he bitches the house isn't clean enough. I think it's a no-win situation! My BFF and I always joke about that, cause her hubby's the same way lol....

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:30 AM

I would say you are right in the way you are trying to explain it. Physical labor, yeah, it's much easier today because of the modern conveniences. Emotional/mental support, I agree that it's much harder. Family just doesn't mean what it used to. I am lucky to have the family I have and get lots of support but I hear a lot of stories from moms who don't have that. You all certainly have my sympathy, it can be very lonely.

by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:31 AM

 Exactly.  Thanks for pointing that out.

by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:31 AM

Ignore those who say otherwise. They either are not a mom, not a good mom or a new mom who hasn't had to eat those words yet. No worries. Being a good mom is more a challenge with no break than any stressful job I can imagine.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:33 AM
I disagree. They may have had a larger support system but more was expected from them and often they received little to no support from their spouses. They also lacked a lot of modern convenience and for the most part a choice as well. Even if they had wanted to work their options were severely limited.
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