Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Easier to be a SAHM...? *ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Was it easier to be a SAHM "back in the day"?

It occured to me that times have changed dramatically in the past 50-60 years. And there is still a notion of how SAHM are "lazy", or have it "easy". I think that may stem from outdated perceptions.

See way back when families were close knit, a support system, there to help with the kids/baby. Grandma would be very involved, aunts would be very involved, if mom needed help family and extended family would have her back in a jiffy! Not like today where there are many broken families or families that are not close, etc.

These days, you have people like myself, who get no help, no family support, no OPTION of having someone watch the kids for 5 minutes, which makes my job that much harder.

I just can't understand the notion of "Oh you SAHM, stop your whining, you have it easy, women have been doing your same job for thousands of years", while that statement has truth to it, we should also note that throughout history moms have always needed HELP at one point or another, by family, or in tribes where mothers help out other mothers and it is a GROUP EFFORT.

Me, I'm all alone, my DH is gone either at work or asleep 20hrs out of a 24hr day. I do not have family to help, and no women that would help without me spending a pretty penny lol.... I love being a SAHM, its hard and stressful, but that one comment just got me thinking.

 

ETA:  This post has NOTHING to do with WORKING MOMS(not meaning that in a negative way lol).

It's not about WM Vs. SAHM, its about today's SAHM Vs the SAHM of long ago throughout history.

I love hearing what you all have been saying, and whether a WAHM or a SAHM having it "easy" is all circumstancial so there is no grouping any one party together.

BACK TO THE POINT: Some of you pointed out modern covienances, and while I agree that it makes physical labor easier - example: Vacuum, dishwasher, washing machines/dryers, being able to drive, t.v, etc----- I still think that as mothers MOST of our strife whether working or staying home is a MENTAL GAME, and for the SAHM of today you can go batsh!t crazy having no help(even for 5 minutes while you want to pee!), you cannot rely on family, and the fact that very few moms stay home make it hard to band together and offer some support and adult conversation! Its HARD.

The physicalities of my job aren't that bad, but I would rather my body be drained than my SOUL! lol

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Replies (31-40):
nanay_ni_KIM
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:34 AM

Whether today or centuries ago, SAHM do ALOT. So whoever made that comment to you, s/he is just being mean and  not worth your time. Dont let it get to you, it is what it is and some people just dont understand.


just wanna share this story. This has been posted here in cafemom before.

A man came home from work and found his three children outside,

still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and

wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house

and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the house, he found an even bigger mess.

A  lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded

against one wall.   In the front room the TV was loudly blaring

a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys

and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the

sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door

was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass

lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys

and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried

she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out

the bath room door. As he peered inside he found wet towels,

scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet

paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the

mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up

in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’

She again smiled and answered,

‘You know every day when you come home from

work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?’

‘Yes,’ was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.’


Have a wonderful thursday everyone! :)

celestegood
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:34 AM
1 mom liked this

 I will add to that, that "back in the day", kids went outside to play.  They weren't under foot all the time.  Moms got more time to do the things they needed to do once the child turned five or so.  Now, kids are in the house, 24/7.  You don't have time to yourself, if you are a stay at home mom, like moms did many years ago, just due to this fact.

Add to that, many moms have no support system.  I myself don't.  I get just a little time to myself at the end of the day, when kids are sleeping.  Before that, all day-I am busy with kids and struggling to get everything done alone.

It's not as easy as some people seem to think it is.

Tara922c
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:34 AM

My grandma told me that moms have it easy these days. She said back when she was a little girl, SAHMs worked and worked hard. Laundry was a chore. You couldn't just put your laundry in the washing machine, it was manual labor. My great-grandma canned all of her own food and cooked for every meal. Back then, there wasn't any pizza delivery or a McDonald's on every corner. Most working class families only had one car, if that, so SAHMs were stuck at home all day. Both my great-grandma and grandma moved to different states after they were married, so they did it all, on their own, and both had 8 kids. Both my great-grandfather and grandfather were uninvolved fathers. They lived in the home, they supported the family, but they didn't lift a finger to help with the household chores and children.

Every siuation is different. I think staying home is easy, but I only have one kid and can come and go as I please. Dh is gone more than he is at home, but I can still go visit my mom or visit a friend.

SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:37 AM

easier

with all the gadgets they have now.... Internet to pay bills, dishwasher... easier on the hands and extra time for them too, washing machines instead of wash boards, dryers... so it saves time instead of hanging on a line... just dump the clothes in! Micorwaves to heat and cook, most have 2 cars in a household, so more errands are getting done like food shopping. AND now some sahm pay for someone to clean their bathrooms and such. Hell.... you dont even have to hold the phone at your ear... we have a speaker button now!

Yeah... hard my ass

Anyone who thinks its hard is just lazy in my book. They will always fnd some shit to complain about.  BTW i am a sahwm now and was a FT sahm and they are both the same to me and i did everything on my own with no help.

Kmary
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:43 AM

Well...that depends on how far back you're going...my mother is 60 years old and her mom had plenty of modern conveniences.  She certainly wasn't doing laundry by hand and my grandma had her own car and everything. She made plenty of freezer meals.

There is definitely some truth to the OP's point.  Moms today (whether working or not) must supervise their children every second of the day until the kids are quite old.  When my mom was a kid, she was running errands for my grandma like walking to the store alone to pick up a few things for dinner by the age of 7 or so.  If you did that today, you'd have CPS at your door, so you load all your kids up and trudge to the store with them.  That's a lot more work than sending them out for you.   And kids were outside without a parent there hovering for hours and hours and hours.  Tha isn't as common these days and that makes a mother's work that much more  demanding because there is no mental break.  My grandma admits that from the time her kids got home from school until dinner was ready, she pretty much didn't see her kids or have to "care" for them at all.  That was normal and expected.  If a SAHM did that today, she'd at least be called lazy and at most, arrested.  So I do think there is some merit to what you're saying, OP.


Quoting Candi1024:

Lol, back in the day there were no microwaves, most women didn't drive and certainly didn't have cars, laundry was much more manual, no dishwashers,  no freezer meals, and very little convenience food.

It is MUCH easier to be a SAHM now, IMO.

And yes, being a SAHM these past few months is much much easier than when I worked.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:52 AM

A SAHM's job has also gotten a lot smaller since a few 100 years ago, too, you forget to add. A few 100 years ago, it was also mom's job to tend the animals, the garden, hand wash all the laundry, bake the daily bread in a stove that made it take forever, clean the dirt floor of the cabin (which takes forever....). It can take a good milker 1/2 and hour to hand milk a single cow, never mind if you have more than one and they fight you on it. Then there is feeding the chickens, the pigs, the horses, and the cows (add whatever other animals you may have). That will take a couple of hours, a LOT longer if you have to break ice in their water buckets and hand carry the water from a stream.

 No vacuums, no washing machines, no dishwashers, no running water, no toilet, no birth control (so a lot more children), no electricity, ect....I really don't think it was "easier" back then....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:57 AM
i know when i was a kid i spent most of my time at my grandmothers. She taught me how to do evrything. Then when i had my kids my mom has only taken them a few times. I always wondered why my mom is like that but my grandmother was so involved. I have no help unless my mil or sil take them. That could be once or twice a year. I can't be lazy or my three kids wouldn't get fed and cleaned. The house would be a mess. I have my days that i don't clean the house much but other then that i think it is harder for me then it was for my mom. Not sure how far back you were talking.
celestegood
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Besides, some of us do it all with no help at all. Our dh doesn't llift a finger. Some of us have only one car for our family so we don't get out. Some of us don't own dishwashers and we hang up our laundry. There was a time for a few years that we were very poor that washed all of our laundry in the tub by hand. I did and do all of that(minus washing by hand since we have a washer now) with kids there all the time and underfoot. Back when women did all of the above, kids would do homework, then would play outside until the street lights came on. I do what do with no support, even from my hubby. No complaints, but to say my job is easy is not an accurate statement.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
celestegood
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:10 AM
My mom is the same way. She has watched my kids once when I was in the hospital with my second son. Beyond that, mil is dead and I have no sil to help. It's me, all the time. All year, no matter what. I am not complaining, but this isn't as easy as some people seem to think it is.

Quoting Anonymous:

i know when i was a kid i spent most of my time at my grandmothers. She taught me how to do evrything. Then when i had my kids my mom has only taken them a few times. I always wondered why my mom is like that but my grandmother was so involved. I have no help unless my mil or sil take them. That could be once or twice a year. I can't be lazy or my three kids wouldn't get fed and cleaned. The house would be a mess. I have my days that i don't clean the house much but other then that i think it is harder for me then it was for my mom. Not sure how far back you were talking.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LiesLiesLies
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:12 AM
Every situation is different.

I am a SAHM...I do it all alone 24/7 and it is super easy.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)