Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Easier to be a SAHM...? *ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Was it easier to be a SAHM "back in the day"?

It occured to me that times have changed dramatically in the past 50-60 years. And there is still a notion of how SAHM are "lazy", or have it "easy". I think that may stem from outdated perceptions.

See way back when families were close knit, a support system, there to help with the kids/baby. Grandma would be very involved, aunts would be very involved, if mom needed help family and extended family would have her back in a jiffy! Not like today where there are many broken families or families that are not close, etc.

These days, you have people like myself, who get no help, no family support, no OPTION of having someone watch the kids for 5 minutes, which makes my job that much harder.

I just can't understand the notion of "Oh you SAHM, stop your whining, you have it easy, women have been doing your same job for thousands of years", while that statement has truth to it, we should also note that throughout history moms have always needed HELP at one point or another, by family, or in tribes where mothers help out other mothers and it is a GROUP EFFORT.

Me, I'm all alone, my DH is gone either at work or asleep 20hrs out of a 24hr day. I do not have family to help, and no women that would help without me spending a pretty penny lol.... I love being a SAHM, its hard and stressful, but that one comment just got me thinking.

 

ETA:  This post has NOTHING to do with WORKING MOMS(not meaning that in a negative way lol).

It's not about WM Vs. SAHM, its about today's SAHM Vs the SAHM of long ago throughout history.

I love hearing what you all have been saying, and whether a WAHM or a SAHM having it "easy" is all circumstancial so there is no grouping any one party together.

BACK TO THE POINT: Some of you pointed out modern covienances, and while I agree that it makes physical labor easier - example: Vacuum, dishwasher, washing machines/dryers, being able to drive, t.v, etc----- I still think that as mothers MOST of our strife whether working or staying home is a MENTAL GAME, and for the SAHM of today you can go batsh!t crazy having no help(even for 5 minutes while you want to pee!), you cannot rely on family, and the fact that very few moms stay home make it hard to band together and offer some support and adult conversation! Its HARD.

The physicalities of my job aren't that bad, but I would rather my body be drained than my SOUL! lol

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Replies (41-50):
Yogamom08
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:13 AM
I am a SAHM. I am not sure what it would have been like back in the day. I feel I have it much easier than a working mom. I couldn't imagine going to work and then doing the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids. I get to do my chores at my own pace and I make my own "schedule". I admire all moms, but I definitely think it would be harder for me to be a working mom
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
celestegood
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:15 AM
True. I will say that not all stay t home moms lived on farms a hundred years ago. Someone had to live in town, you know. Although, am not sure how far back op was goig with her analogy. I assumed the fifties, but could be wrong.

Quoting Anonymous:

A SAHM's job has also gotten a lot smaller since a few 100 years ago, too, you forget to add. A few 100 years ago, it was also mom's job to tend the animals, the garden, hand wash all the laundry, bake the daily bread in a stove that made it take forever, clean the dirt floor of the cabin (which takes forever....). It can take a good milker 1/2 and hour to hand milk a single cow, never mind if you have more than one and they fight you on it. Then there is feeding the chickens, the pigs, the horses, and the cows (add whatever other animals you may have). That will take a couple of hours, a LOT longer if you have to break ice in their water buckets and hand carry the water from a stream.


 No vacuums, no washing machines, no dishwashers, no running water, no toilet, no birth control (so a lot more children), no electricity, ect....I really don't think it was "easier" back then....

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:16 AM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting Kmary:

Well...that depends on how far back you're going...my mother is 60 years old and her mom had plenty of modern conveniences.  She certainly wasn't doing laundry by hand and my grandma had her own car and everything. She made plenty of freezer meals.

There is definitely some truth to the OP's point.  Moms today (whether working or not) must supervise their children every second of the day until the kids are quite old.  When my mom was a kid, she was running errands for my grandma like walking to the store alone to pick up a few things for dinner by the age of 7 or so.  If you did that today, you'd have CPS at your door, so you load all your kids up and trudge to the store with them.  That's a lot more work than sending them out for you.   And kids were outside without a parent there hovering for hours and hours and hours.  Tha isn't as common these days and that makes a mother's work that much more  demanding because there is no mental break.  My grandma admits that from the time her kids got home from school until dinner was ready, she pretty much didn't see her kids or have to "care" for them at all.  That was normal and expected.  If a SAHM did that today, she'd at least be called lazy and at most, arrested.  So I do think there is some merit to what you're saying, OP.

 

Quoting Candi1024:

Lol, back in the day there were no microwaves, most women didn't drive and certainly didn't have cars, laundry was much more manual, no dishwashers,  no freezer meals, and very little convenience food.

It is MUCH easier to be a SAHM now, IMO.

And yes, being a SAHM these past few months is much much easier than when I worked.

 

 

I'm 56, so I remember growing up as a kid.

There was no fast food (not in our town anyway).  No close relatives, because it was a time when many men had come home from WWII, and decided to settle where they were, rather than where they were from (as my parents did).  You also had plenty of those who had migrated due to the depression (my mother was born right at the beginning of the depression).

You did have the women in the neighborhood - almost all the women stayed home.  One worked, but she was a widow (and everyone felt sorry for her).  Few had a car (if your grandma had a car, she was definately much more upper class).  Women weren't so involved with their kids (ever see Mad Men?  it's not just a tv show).  We didn't have many of the meds we do now, so a sick kid was sick - not a lot could be done, you basically hoped they got well.

No microwaves, no freezers, no convenience foods.  We had a washer, but no dryer.  Cloth diapers (with no dryer!). No cable tv - we had 5 stations, since we were in a large city area, but most had fewer.  And stations went off the air at 11:30, except on Saturdays, when it was on til 2 am.  No VCR's' or dvd's.   Kids shows (cartoons) were only on on Saturday mornings, so no plopping the kid in front of the tv on a regular basis.

The basic chores took time.  Breakfast in the morning - cooking bacon and eggs or something like that.  Walking the kids to school.  Come back and do the dishes.  Eat lunch (again, no microwave).  Start cooking dinner fairly early - chopping veggies, grating cheese, whatever.  After dinner, all the dishes, again by hand.  And there were more since there were no convenience foods.  You couldn't buy, for instance, cheese already grated or anything like that.

Walking to the grocery store every day (no freezer, plus food didn't keep as long since they generally had no preservatives in them.)  Just food preparation and clean up took hours a day.

And there was a downside to all the "help" as well.  Everyone was telling you what to do, and 2nd guessing your actions.  You, as the mom, were blamed for ANYTHING your kid did.  My mom was even blamed for my brother having asthma, since the doctor told her it was caused by lack of maternal attention!  No google or webmd, so no easy way to research anything.

Telephones?  You were charged by the minute unless it was right nearby.  No long distance plans.  No cordless phones - most people had ONE phone, hardwired, unless you knew someone who worked for the phone company or you were very rich.

Oh, and if you didn't WANT to be a sahm?  Too frickin bad.  Women with kids weren't really allowed to work.  Certainly not to have a career.  If you were pregnant, you got fired.  No easy divorce either, so if you didn't choose well - too frickin bad again.  You were there for life.  Even if he cheated, even if he hit you.

Ah yeah - the good old days.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:17 AM
See i disagree for me personally i feel it is harder being a sahm then when o worked. I am so busy because i am volunteered for everything amd feel like I cant say no to any of it because of peoples notion that im a sahm so there is no reason I cant do everything. I think its different for all moms nd no way os better than another all have challenges


Quoting Candi1024:

Lol, back in the day there were no microwaves, most women didn't drive and certainly didn't have cars, laundry was much more manual, no dishwashers,  no freezer meals, and very little convenience food.

It is MUCH easier to be a SAHM now, IMO.

And yes, being a SAHM these past few months is much much easier than when I worked.


Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:19 AM

 


Quoting celestegood:

True. I will say that not all stay t home moms lived on farms a hundred years ago. Someone had to live in town, you know. Although, am not sure how far back op was goig with her analogy. I assumed the fifties, but could be wrong.

Quoting Anonymous:

A SAHM's job has also gotten a lot smaller since a few 100 years ago, too, you forget to add. A few 100 years ago, it was also mom's job to tend the animals, the garden, hand wash all the laundry, bake the daily bread in a stove that made it take forever, clean the dirt floor of the cabin (which takes forever....). It can take a good milker 1/2 and hour to hand milk a single cow, never mind if you have more than one and they fight you on it. Then there is feeding the chickens, the pigs, the horses, and the cows (add whatever other animals you may have). That will take a couple of hours, a LOT longer if you have to break ice in their water buckets and hand carry the water from a stream.


 No vacuums, no washing machines, no dishwashers, no running water, no toilet, no birth control (so a lot more children), no electricity, ect....I really don't think it was "easier" back then....

Even the last 100 years, not everyone lived on a farm.  I didn't, I was born in 1956.  My mom didn't, she lived in a major city, born in 1929.  Not HER mom, also lived in a major city, born in 1909.  Not even HER mom, who was born approximately 20 years before that.  Big city folks for generations in my family.

 

MommaTasha1003
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:23 AM

this...


Quoting Candi1024:

Lol, back in the day there were no microwaves, most women didn't drive and certainly didn't have cars, laundry was much more manual, no dishwashers,  no freezer meals, and very little convenience food.

It is MUCH easier to be a SAHM now, IMO.

And yes, being a SAHM these past few months is much much easier than when I worked.


ADC2005
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:27 AM
Yes we have more things but I agree I have no help either, hubby is a truck driver and while I am forever grateful to be able to stay home and raise my daughter I get no time to myself and there is no one around to help even when I am extremely ill
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:28 AM
No back in the day sahms were better I think.

Everyone wants a leave it to beaver mom when they are kids... Just admit it!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Being a mom isn't "easy" working or sahm. As for the comments about microwaves or dishwashers...my microwave shorted out six months ago. Dishwasher stopped working 4 months ago. Thankfully -I still have my washing machine and dryer.lol. dh won't fix them. I tried and shocked myself. Oh well.
celestegood
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:33 AM
Lets see. My mother wa born in 1959 and lived in town. Her mother was born 38 and was a city girl. Her mother was born 1906 and was a city girl. That covers a hundred plus years and all of them lived in town.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

 




Quoting celestegood:

True. I will say that not all stay t home moms lived on farms a hundred years ago. Someone had to live in town, you know. Although, am not sure how far back op was goig with her analogy. I assumed the fifties, but could be wrong.


Quoting Anonymous:


A SAHM's job has also gotten a lot smaller since a few 100 years ago, too, you forget to add. A few 100 years ago, it was also mom's job to tend the animals, the garden, hand wash all the laundry, bake the daily bread in a stove that made it take forever, clean the dirt floor of the cabin (which takes forever....). It can take a good milker 1/2 and hour to hand milk a single cow, never mind if you have more than one and they fight you on it. Then there is feeding the chickens, the pigs, the horses, and the cows (add whatever other animals you may have). That will take a couple of hours, a LOT longer if you have to break ice in their water buckets and hand carry the water from a stream.



 No vacuums, no washing machines, no dishwashers, no running water, no toilet, no birth control (so a lot more children), no electricity, ect....I really don't think it was "easier" back then....


Even the last 100 years, not everyone lived on a farm.  I didn't, I was born in 1956.  My mom didn't, she lived in a major city, born in 1929.  Not HER mom, also lived in a major city, born in 1909.  Not even HER mom, who was born approximately 20 years before that.  Big city folks for generations in my family.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)