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As an adult, when your parents divorced, how crazy did it get?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

My parents are divorcing after being married for 35 years. They started out saying they would do everything as amicably as possible. It is six months later and it is just crazy. My dad changed the locks and my mom got a locksmith to change the locks and install this key box next to the door with a passcode so he could retrieve his new key. My dad called the police and is pressing charges for burglary. Both of them are now being hateful and doing things just to hurt the other. I know divorce is a nasty and painful process, but is this kind of stuff normal?

I feel like it would have been easier if they divorced when I was a kid because I would have been sheltered against most of their craziness. But since I'm an adult it seems like they really just don't care how their actions hurt my sister and me. My dad has taken the high road as far as not telling us anything, but my mom is an open book. However, they are both doing things just to hurt each other. I guess I'm just hoping I'm not alone in feeling so devastated, embarassed, and torn.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
boshs1andonly
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:14 AM

I'm sorry they are being like that. My parents separated after 25 years (they are just now getting divorced, years later) but we didn't have any issues like that. My mom refinanced the house, gave my dad some of the money and he bought his own place. They also split up the furniture without much issue (as far as I know). They don't spend much time together anymore but there isn't really animosity either. Hopefully your parents grow up and realize what they are doing to you and your sister. 

lnrmom
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:17 AM

(((((((hugs)))))))

I can't imagine. And no, that's not normal. My parents divorced when I was young. I divorced when my kids were very very young. My parents were fairly amicable.

AleaKat
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:18 AM
My dad waited till me and my sister were grown and out of the house before he left my mom. He gave us a heads up first so that it wasn't too much of a shock.
It got nasty!!!
Especially since dad turned around and started dating moms best friend.

Dad became a push over to his new wife and my sister and I get out on the back burner cause her kids matter more.

And mom went into an alcoholic bitter self destruct stage. She is much better now.

It hurts a lot cause I was the baby and I've always been a daddy's girl and to see him not even try to treat us equally to his wife's kids just hurts so much! I act like I don't care and brush it off cause I don't want him to change cause he thinks it upsets me. I want him to change because he knows he should not cause he feels guilty. I miss my daddy so much.... :(
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ChelseySpelsey
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:21 AM
:( I'm sorry. My Mom divorced my little brother's dad when I was a young kid, it got ugly, but I lived with my grandparents mostly after that so I didn't have to be subjected to most of it.
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happykitty316
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:21 AM

You are so not alone.  My parents divorced when I was 19.  They did crap like that to each other too - they were out for blood.  I was also given way more information about the past, the current situation and other things than I ever wanted to know, mostly by my mom.  It was awful and honestly is part of the reason I don't have much of a relationship with them now.  That and the fact that after all of that, they got back together 2 years later.  How messed up is that?

rockabillybetty
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:24 AM
It was so horrible i would love to have those memories erased ! But then again i learned how NOT to be when i found someone to be with long term. :/Messed us up bad.
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freetobeme277
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:24 AM

I wish I could tell you that it will get better.  I have three children and the oldest was an adult when her father asked for a divorce.  We had been married for almost 23 years.  He said that he wanted a divorce because I didn't love him.  Truth is he found someone he worked with that wasn't happy with her marriage.  She asked her ex for a divorce and then he asked me for a divorce.  It was not a pleasant experience.  It took a year to complete and he married her 6 months later.  During this I had surgery for breast cancer, got laid off from my job of 16 years and went back to school.  I still am looking for a job.  It hasn't been easy since I have placement of a 15 year old son with aspergers.  There have been alot of issues at his school.  But since he transferred to a new school hopefully things will be better.  Just hang in there and try to be neutral.

JenB1983
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:24 AM
My parents split four years ago after 28 years. It's been horrible. I finally lost it at my little bro's graduation party(nobody was there, we were setting up) and yelled to both of them that they seriously needed to grow the fuck up.
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Fields456
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:27 AM
My parents divorced when I was 8 but my dhs parents divorced when he was 20 theirs or pretty nasty and his mom is still very bitter about it 7 years later
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:28 AM

My parents got real shitty a few months into their divorce. It got to the point where I called them both and told them off. I said, when you're both able to act like adults and be in the same room on holidays or at grandkids birthday parties, we'll have a relationship again. A few weeks went by, and I don't know what happened but they must have both taken it to heart because shit changed real quick. Sometimes I think people don't even realize how petty or nasty they are being. I think it's important to not side with either one no matter what, as their issues are not your issues, and not get dragged into it, kwim?

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