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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

do working fathers raise their kids

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Honest question

Why do we accuse women who work of letting someone else "raise their kids", but the standard does not apply to fathers? Does that mean that a SAHM raises the children and the father just pays for them? A working father is "taking care of his family", but a working woman is abandoning her children to be "raised" by someone else?

When your child enters school, does that mean that their teacher is raising them? Nope, nobody makes that accusation. They go to school and you "raise them" during the hours they are with you, right?


For any of the working moms who are tired of being based for working, come join the full time workin mamas group... where you will never be accused of letting daycare raise your kids !

 

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:50 AM

I was getting ready to say not really, but then I saw that wasn't the point you were trying to make. They help raise, just as anyone else of authority that spends time in a child's life. I'm sorry, but I think the majority of moms do most of the raising.

FooLynRoo
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:52 AM

We all raise our kids!!! 

I love SAHM's I love working Mom's I even love doody head moms!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this
This is an excellent point and I completely agree. My husband is just as much a part of raising my daughter as I am. We are both teaching her values as morals. We are both the ones she turns to for comfort and guidance. We are her parents and are both raising her. We both also happen to work full time.
overweightmommy
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Actually I do believe schools help raise our children. They discipline them, teach them, they make sure they are safe for however many hours, some teachers try to teach/reinforce manners, morals, etc. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with it and I agree with the term "it takes a village to raise a child" because in some ways, it does. A lot of children are being partially raised by the schools. That's not necessarily a bad thing. People get too uppity about this whole topic. Most of what schools do, count as raising to me.

Tara922c
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:54 AM

It takes money to raise a child. I may spend more time with DD, but Dhprovides more financially for dd. Together, we make family decisions. I am going back to work next week, and if we do have another baby, I will continue to work full time. My husband and I are raising our kids, but we have to utilize childcare so that we can financially provide for them.

If you stay home, good for you.

If you work, good for you.

I wish people would stop worrying about the way other people raise their children. OP you do make a valid point and I agree with you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:56 AM
2 moms liked this
I'm a SAHM, and I don't see a bit of difference.

If you think daycare is "raising" people's children, then school is too.

Homeschool appears to be the only way by your standards to raise your own children.

Quoting EthansFabMom:

Actually it's the exact opposite. You tell yourself there is no difference to make yourself feel better about daycare workers spending more time with your child than you do. I chose to raise my child myself and I'm entitled to that choice just as you are entitled to how you live your life.




Quoting imvanilla:

No there isn't.





That's just what you tell yourself to feel superior.






Quoting EthansFabMom:

There is a SIGNIFICANT difference in DAYCARE and SCHOOL. Quit being so damn ignorant.


fraujones
by Mommytron on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:57 AM

Yes they do and so does this working mama! Great points. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:57 AM
My husband travels a majority of the time, so when it comes to raising, I believe we both raise but have different responsibilities. Mine is caregiving, his is providing. When he's home, he'll tuck them in if they ask or bathe them if I'm running late occasionally, but the vast majority of it falls on my shoulders. Those are my responsibilities. That's just the way it is and he accepts this.


Quoting peanutsmommy1:


Quoting MrsSamMerlotte:

Dh works and I do about 90% of the raising and care taking.

would he be ok with you saying that you are the one raising the kids and he just finances your life?


mama.farmer
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:58 AM

I see the logic, but I will play Devil's Advocate here for a second. I'm a Christian, and my DH is an alpha male. So in our family, it's MY job to take care of the kids and the home. Furthermore, DD is his stepdaughter, and he's not very comfortable or patient with small babies, i.e DS who is his, and only 4 months. So DS is my responsibility because I have patience for him, and know how to handle him. DD is mine because of, well, custody complications. DH does step in when DD gets out of hand, but for the most part, I deal with her, and he takes care of DS if I need to do something while DS is irritated. 

Also, I've heard of teachers who complain that their students act up in school and then parents complain to them. I've heard complaints that the teachers can't do the parenting if the parents aren't. But a lot of the time, they end up doing it anyways. There are expectations of behaviors, habits, etc, that are fulfilled at school and re-enforced by teachers, and so in a way, that could be considered "raising" them.

There are beliefs out there that the mom's job is the home and family, and the father's job is "bringing home the bacon." Due to life, that's exactly how it works in my home. DH is a soldier, and so he's gone most of the day, or sometimes even months at a time, and I'm a SAHM, so I take care of my kids. I have DD half the time, and the other half that she's with her dad, she spends most of her days with a baby-sitter or her grandma. I've seen some AWFUL behaviors arise from that time, and I know she either picks it up from the other kids, or from what she's told is acceptable. I'd rather have her here with me, where, after school, she comes home and I can address any and all problems, and I know EXACTLY where her problems come from. The only reason she's in public school at all is because of her dad; I'd homeschool her if I could. DS will be homeschooled.

LadyF86
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

 Hubby and I both work full time. Our little guy goes to daycare. I would not say they are 'raising' our child but they do have a helping hand in it which is why we pay them. We TELL them how we want things done. If I could be a SAHM i would but we do not have that luxury. so, to you moms that think working moms are just 'dumping' their kids and letting someone else raise them, well you can BLOW ME.

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