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Dead in a freaking ditch...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
I have a female friend who has 2 kids by separate fathers. The first one was a constant cheater and liar so she left. She has a daughter with the second man she was married to but he cheated less than 2 weeks after their daughter was born and is now living with the other woman. The new guy she's with she met at the strip club she was working at. She was living with her mom and her step dad doing fine and taking care of her kids. Well now she's living with the douchebag in a hotel room, she's paying for everything by stripping and he won't get a job because he said it's his job to have to deal with her every day. She used to be a sweet girl but now all she does on Facebook is complain about how he's an ass, her exhusband made her this way by cheating and leaving her, how the new guy is beating the crap out of her, he's kicked her out he's calling her names and basically treated her like s***. Well a couple nights ago she called me crying because they got into a fight when she wouldn't buy him something from the gas station and he choke slammed her on the bed in their room and then kicked her out. Come to find out the next morning he was arrested for shooting someone and she was in jail also (although I don't know what for) I've given her advice to leave him and work to get her kids back from her mom, I told her she deserves better and I even gave her the number and address for women shelter but she won't leave him. I don't know what to do and honestly I'm at the end of my rope and about to tell her she deserves it if she keeps going back to him. Any advice on how to deal with the situation or help her? I don't want to mind my own business and leave her high and dry because everyone but me has abandoned her or left her to deal with him. I'm scared 1 day he's going to push it too far and I'm going to hearing about them finding her body on the news
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:29 AM
Bump... sorry its a bit long but im scared for her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this
This sounds like a lifetime movie.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:33 AM
I know and it shocks me after everything he's done to her just how determined she is to stay with him because she supposedly loves him


Quoting Anonymous:

This sounds like a lifetime movie.

imultracool
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:40 AM
Honestly there is nothing you can do. Its like an alcoholic, no matter what you do to help them they wont change unless they really want to. Thank goodness her mom has her kids. Hopefully one day your friend will wake up and realize she needs to get her shit together but I wouldn't count on it.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:43 AM
what scares me though is the fact that not only is he physical with her and constantly berating her, but also the fact that he thinks it's okay to have sex with her even when she constantly says no because according to him she's nothing but a slut and a whore and when .she drinks she's asking for it


Quoting imultracool:

Honestly there is nothing you can do. Its like an alcoholic, no matter what you do to help them they wont change unless they really want to. Thank goodness her mom has her kids. Hopefully one day your friend will wake up and realize she needs to get her shit together but I wouldn't count on it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:48 AM
It boggles my mind that a man would even feel that that is acceptable behavior. How does a person even have thoughts like that? And why would your friend be with anyone like that?
So heartbreaking.
At least the mom has the kids. I hope your friend gets a better sense of self-worth, and fast.

Quoting Anonymous:

what scares me though is the fact that not only is he physical with her and constantly berating her, but also the fact that he thinks it's okay to have sex with her even when she constantly says no because according to him she's nothing but a slut and a whore and when .she drinks she's asking for it




Quoting imultracool:

Honestly there is nothing you can do. Its like an alcoholic, no matter what you do to help them they wont change unless they really want to. Thank goodness her mom has her kids. Hopefully one day your friend will wake up and realize she needs to get her shit together but I wouldn't count on it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:51 AM
I wish the other night when he went to jail was her rock bottom... but she hasnt hit it and im scared of whatcould happen next. I cant help her out because I love 2 1/2 hours away but she wont go to a qomens shelter.


Quoting Anonymous:

It boggles my mind that a man would even feel that that is acceptable behavior. How does a person even have thoughts like that? And why would your friend be with anyone like that?

So heartbreaking.

At least the mom has the kids. I hope your friend gets a better sense of self-worth, and fast.



Quoting Anonymous:

what scares me though is the fact that not only is he physical with her and constantly berating her, but also the fact that he thinks it's okay to have sex with her even when she constantly says no because according to him she's nothing but a slut and a whore and when .she drinks she's asking for it






Quoting imultracool:

Honestly there is nothing you can do. Its like an alcoholic, no matter what you do to help them they wont change unless they really want to. Thank goodness her mom has her kids. Hopefully one day your friend will wake up and realize she needs to get her shit together but I wouldn't count on it.


D.O.E.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:57 AM

she needs to put men on a shelf and not go there again for a long time. 

my god. 

 you pick her up, you make her pack her bags and you firmly but kindly tell her she needs to let you be in charge for a just a bit, that you love her, and cannot watch this any longer. then you put her in a car and take her to a safe house, not some gross shelter. and you tell her she needs to learn to love her self and love being alone with herself before she ever considers a man again.


D.O.E.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:00 PM

so, thats a 2 1/2 hr drive, big deal. i have done it for a friend in a similiar situation. if you arent willing to actually step up and help her, then what good is worrying?

Quoting Anonymous:

I wish the other night when he went to jail was her rock bottom... but she hasnt hit it and im scared of whatcould happen next. I cant help her out because I love 2 1/2 hours away but she wont go to a qomens shelter.


Quoting Anonymous:

It boggles my mind that a man would even feel that that is acceptable behavior. How does a person even have thoughts like that? And why would your friend be with anyone like that?

So heartbreaking.

At least the mom has the kids. I hope your friend gets a better sense of self-worth, and fast.



Quoting Anonymous:

what scares me though is the fact that not only is he physical with her and constantly berating her, but also the fact that he thinks it's okay to have sex with her even when she constantly says no because according to him she's nothing but a slut and a whore and when .she drinks she's asking for it






Quoting imultracool:

Honestly there is nothing you can do. Its like an alcoholic, no matter what you do to help them they wont change unless they really want to. Thank goodness her mom has her kids. Hopefully one day your friend will wake up and realize she needs to get her shit together but I wouldn't count on it.



kymom23
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:02 PM

I know it's not what you want to hear, but there's nothing more you can do. You have given her very good, sound advice. Now, it's up to her to take it or not. Dh and I have went through this with his oldest daughter. She's married to a abusive asshole. They have been together about 14 years, married for 2. It's a neverending cycle. From what I've been told, it takes the minimum of 8 times leaving in order to actually be gone for good. We're still waiting for my step daughter's 8th time..... All you can do is be there for her each time she falls with this guy. Talk to her, explain her options again and pray/meditate/whatever that she gets it. That it sinks in.  

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