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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Doing the right thing

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

Ok Please try to be objective

I was sexually assaulted at 12 and had a baby when I was 13.  My family decided to send me to relatives while he stayed with my grandma. I did not have a lot of contact with him because I wasn't allowed. Now he is 6 and they want to adopt him. I have seen them with him and they love him and he loves them. Maybe because I missed those early years I don't love him but when I see him I take good care of him. but because of the rape I have a hard time being touched or showing affection and I can go for days without talking. Most people describe me as cold and unaffectionate. I am still working through these issues. Many relationships have been broken because of this. 

What would you do? Is 6 too old or should I try taking care of him. If grown men find me cold is it fair to put him through this. I know I don't love him but I want to do what's best for him? I don't want him to be messed up as an adult.

I have tried faking it and people can tell that there is something wrong with us.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:40 AM

He isn't going to disappear from your life. I understand how hard it is that he is a product of a rape, but it wasn't his fault, and he is half yours. For his sake, work on building a relationship with him, even if you let him be adopted by your grandparents. Try to understand that from his perspective he has been rejected by both of his parents. That's not fair to a kid.

You do need to get family counseling, as well as individual counseling, so that you are able to step up and do what is right here.

the4mutts
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Honey, if its too hard for you, then give him up. Do whatever you feel is best for you both. Dont let women on here tell you that youre right or wrong.
I have a 9y/o product of rape. He is a fatastic child and I love him endlessy!
But i wasnt 12. I was 19. I already knew how to be with a man, and had a normally functioning sexual relationship. I was married when our roomate raped me.
Every situation is different. Dont feel bad for whatever decision you make. Your life is yours to live, and listening to things on here, well, probably wont do you any good.
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Mamie_85
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:50 AM
They raised him. I wouldn't think twice about allowing the adoption. I'm so sorry for what you went through.
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seegrace
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:58 AM

So sorry you went through that.  It's a terrible situation to be in for you. But, not really for him.  He is in a loving home.  You have many issues to deal with and know that it will be difficult to properly bond with and love him.  The choice is not difficult.  Allow the adoption - it's a selfless act and something that you can feel good about yourself for doing.    Keep working with a counselor and give yourself plenty of time to heal and learn how to love yourself.  You can at the least be confident that you did what was best for this child. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:01 PM

Thank you. I was leaning toward adoption but I did not want to  make a bad choice.  This way I know he is getting the love he needs

AmyL3469
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:03 PM

Honestly, I would let them adopt him. It would end up being best for him IMO. He has gotten to know them and love them, you haven't much been in the picture. Be there for him, let him know you're his mother, but just because you are, doesn't mean him being with you is always best. You need to really think.  You have a really hard decision ahead of you.

s.osborne
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:03 PM
Yes. It is always best to do what's best for the child.
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brittany208
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:04 PM

There is nothing wrong with that! Do what is best for the baby. If that is with the grandma, that is fine!

SillySally83
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:06 PM

They are the only parents he's ever known, if I were you I'd let them adopt. You have your issues to work though and you can start a family later on, you can still be in his life and you seem to really want the best for him, so I think you already know what you should do.

I wish you the best of luck.

Kaya529
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:11 PM
I don't think either choice is wrong. Either way you are trying to do the best thing in a very difficult situation.

I personally would try to gain a relationship with the child. You would need a lot of counseling and a good support system. It would take a long tine but it is possible to repair the relationship. If it doesn't work than they can always adopt later. Or even let them adopt the child and still work on it anyways. Either way I think it would be just as good for you as the child.
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