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help me write the ten commandments of husbandry..

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:40 PM
  • 5 Replies

In summary,   dh and i have been fighting about the same things for years.   My main issues in the relationship are the unbalanced-ness of the work loads.   He does laundry and the outdoor chores but never cleans up after himself - leaving a wake of wrappers,  and junk where ever he hangs out.   and the other huge issue is his lack of affection (when it doesnt directly lead to sex.)    We were fighting (verbally - after ds went to bed)  about these same things and i asked him -  seriously!  do i need to write this out on a paper?  why cant you get it.   and he said it was a good idea.   for me and him to outline our top ten things that are important in the relationship.   Then he would have to abide by his guidelines and i would have to abide by his.   We are competitive and said we would keep score -  plus one point for meeting expectation and minus one for failing.   Whoever has the highest score is winning.  dumb i know -  but if this gets him to finally change in the ways i need - i dont care if something stupid fixes the issues.  

here's the question for you all - what would you write?  i could type out my whole list here - but you can keep it short -  What would HAVE to be on your list?   if you want to write out ten ideas i would hug you.   i have nine huge key points with short summaries explaining them and i am having writers block choosing my tenth idea.  

help me write the ten commandments of husbandry....

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:40 PM
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Replies (1-5):
AmaliaD
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:55 PM

bump

xomrs.chase
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this
Thou shalt not:
1. Cheat
2. Abuse (in any form)
3. Lie

-----
4. Thou shalt clean up after one's self.
5. Thou shalt show appreciation for thine spouse
6. Thou shalt spend time with thine children
7. Thou shalt help with the house work when thine spouse is ill or injured
8. Thou shalt discuss all problems instead of dwelling
9. Thou shalt consult thine spouse before making major decisions- and make decisions as a team
10. Thou shalt remember all major milestones and occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays.


*lol I'm not religious so please forgive me if I worded things wrong.
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AdryF
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:05 PM
1 mom liked this
lol great list. :p


Quoting xomrs.chase:

Thou shalt not:

1. Cheat

2. Abuse (in any form)

3. Lie



-----

4. Thou shalt clean up after one's self.

5. Thou shalt show appreciation for thine spouse

6. Thou shalt spend time with thine children

7. Thou shalt help with the house work when thine spouse is ill or injured

8. Thou shalt discuss all problems instead of dwelling

9. Thou shalt consult thine spouse before making major decisions- and make decisions as a team

10. Thou shalt remember all major milestones and occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays.





*lol I'm not religious so please forgive me if I worded things wrong.

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AmaliaD
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:25 PM

thats is pretty much what i have but i didnt bother outlining - no cheating  or abusing or lying.  he knows i would just leave if those things happened and there are no second chances for my deal breakers.   my list was...  1.affection (more - not for the purose of him getting laid.) 

2.  speak respectfully always

3. never use children as pawns in disagreements

4. clean up all your own messes

5. dog - he begged for the dog - promised to care for the dog and sticks me with all the duties because he neglects him except for that he loves to pet him and let him do things that arent allowed (like lay on the couch)  and the dog is a 150 lb mastiff.   so it is a messy kind of dog.

6.housework

7. show respect regarding other women.   (as in dont look when youa re with me.  and if you do,  dammit - dont tell me how she looks good - in any way - ever.   if he speaks of other girls to me - it should only be to tell me how i am better than them - currently he compliments strangers more than me.) 

8. bring tokens of love (like love notes - cannot be bought)

9. gifts - required on bday, anniv, vday, sweetest day and xmas.   cannot be bought last minute - he has always done that - except when we first got together.)

10.  allow me to show affection to our son without seeming jealous.

 

but now that i am done,  i realize i have nothing about how he has to cook once a week,  he doesnt cook but i dont have to that day .. and there is nothing about money.   he grew up spoiled and will try to get blood from an orange if you know what i mean.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Well 2 and 3 can be lumped together. Verbal abuse and manipulation are still abuse. No matter how small it may seem.

Quoting AmaliaD:

thats is pretty much what i have but i didnt bother outlining - no cheating  or abusing or lying.  he knows i would just leave if those things happened and there are no second chances for my deal breakers.   my list was...  1.affection (more - not for the purose of him getting laid.) 


2.  speak respectfully always


3. never use children as pawns in disagreements


4. clean up all your own messes


5. dog - he begged for the dog - promised to care for the dog and sticks me with all the duties because he neglects him except for that he loves to pet him and let him do things that arent allowed (like lay on the couch)  and the dog is a 150 lb mastiff.   so it is a messy kind of dog.


6.housework


7. show respect regarding other women.   (as in dont look when youa re with me.  and if you do,  dammit - dont tell me how she looks good - in any way - ever.   if he speaks of other girls to me - it should only be to tell me how i am better than them - currently he compliments strangers more than me.) 


8. bring tokens of love (like love notes - cannot be bought)


9. gifts - required on bday, anniv, vday, sweetest day and xmas.   cannot be bought last minute - he has always done that - except when we first got together.)


10.  allow me to show affection to our son without seeming jealous.


 


but now that i am done,  i realize i have nothing about how he has to cook once a week,  he doesnt cook but i dont have to that day .. and there is nothing about money.   he grew up spoiled and will try to get blood from an orange if you know what i mean.

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