First pregnancy, EVERYTHING is a mess, What would you do? HELP!! *ETA* ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!
***I know this post is bound to get bashing, but I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't. I ALREADY feel like complete and utter shit. There's nothing you could say that I don't already feel.***
Hello all. I'm going anon for this one, I'm ashamed/embarassed. Please excuse my choppiness, my head is all over the place right now.
So, this is my first pregnancy. I'm now in my 3rd trimester. I'm 23 and have been with my bf (24) for the last 6 years. This pregnancy was indeed a birth control failure, but I didn't feel it was right to abort. I've had a very hard pregnancy (physically) and because of that I haven't been working or going to school these last few months. I want to be married, bf has not proposed bc "we fight all the time" Well, the REASON we fight is because I have now realized I have NO security. He's working a bs job at the mall, making 9$ an hour. He works 6 days a week and makes about 1800 a month. We are barely making it. We get the bills paid and have a little left over at the end of the month. I've BEGGED him to get a better paying job. To join the military reserves or anything just anything that'll provide us a better life for our son and my pleas have been ignored this entire fucking pregnancy. I'm due in 12 weeks. 12 WEEKS! We haven't bought anything for the baby bc he doesn't make enough. He doesn't want me working bc my health is bad and the dr has advised me to "take it easy". I am DYING to go get a damn job. I tell him EVERY NIGHT how stressed I am, and he says the same thing over and over "Don't worry about a thing baby, I've got it taken care of. It'll all work out just TRUST ME"
How?..... I asked him to explain to me WHAT he has figured out. Now he's trying to get a job on an oil field where an old distant friend of his got hired. He's waiting on this friend to bring him an application and THE FRIEND HAS BEEN DOGING HIS CALLS FOR A WEEK! (think he'd get the hint but NOPE)
He's not taking any initiative to go out there and find a better job or do anything productive. He' also smoking weed now ( I don't agree with it) which will prevent him from even landing a better job :( I'm at a constant stress level I don't even know what to do.
My parents are out there buying the baby all these clothes and essentials and it makes me feel like complete shit (although I'm thankful).... My bf says my parents are "up our ass with this baby stuff" well ALL THEY see is him not providing and they don't want the baby to do without. I told him this and he said he plans on buying all the baby stuff with his income tax (a whopping 1,500) SMH. I won't get much back for my income tax this year a few hundred I'm assuming.
Our apt lease is also up a month after the baby comes, and he's told me to go ahead and be on the lookout for a nice two bedroom and gave me the limit which is almost 200$ more than we're paying now. How the hell does he think he's gonna pay for it?!!!!!! KWIM?! I've told him if he doesn't man up, and do right by this family the baby will not have his last name and he will not be on the birth certificate. (WHY DOES HE DESERVE THAT HONOR?!) Call me a bitch for that one, idk :/
**My plan: My plan after the baby comes is go back to school, I'm currently attaining my BSN and work.
What should I do? What would you do? What a mess this is.... Would you trust him if it was your SO? PLEASE help me out with some advice here.
So far the only thing he's done is get us another car which he's now having to pay off a loan for.
**Added: He is threatening to take the baby from me if I leave him. He has recordings of me from when weve gotten in BIG blowup arguments and I'm yelling and being ugly on tape (doesn't record what he says or does to provoke me) He also says he'll use his proof of paying our bills to have the upper hand on me. Since I don't have a job or income, he will be granted custody. Well, in Texas, if we're unmarried don't I automatically have full custody???
He says if you love someone you stay with them no matter what, it shouldn't be about what they're doing with their lives. Thoughts?
About moving home: My parents are helping as much as they can but they have a small house with no extra bedrooms or space for the baby and I to move back home. I know they wouldn't leave me homeless, but that is NOT the route I'm trying to go if at all possible.
ADVICE OF ALL KINDS IS MUCH NEEDED HERE. I WILL NOT SPEAK TO ANYONE IRL ABOUT THESE ISSUES ASIDE FROM MY PARENTS.