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Venting and need advice...(LONG)

Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies
Ugh...where do I start?? Well my ds is in second grade and since the beggining of the year one of his teachers told me that my son had trouble concentrating and that I should talk to the counselor about getting him help. So I did...she gave me a referral to a therapist and he got tested for ADHD. After being asked about 10 questions my son got diagnosed with it. (which I think it's completly ridiculous!!) Seriously after 10 questions they can diagnose someone??

Well they presctibed medication and started counseling. Since the beggining I told the teacher and the couselor that I was against the medicine. And they respected my decision. My ds failed math last semester with a 67. The first six wks he had a 66 then a 67 and that's where it stayed. For all the other subjects he had from 70's to 80's.

I've talked with my son and all he says is he doesn't understand what they are doing in math. I can admit it's my fault too cause I hardly tried to help him at home.

Well to get to the point, today was parent teacher conference. My dh and I went. Well the first teacher told us wonders about him. She said he was doing very well and that there are times he gets distracted and can do better but that she tries to redirect him when he gets distracted. The other teacher started of by saying thatmy ds just didn't like math, that he wasnt interested in learning it and that he didnt even try. He said he believed he was very smart but that he just didnt want to do his math. And after that he went on about my ds not turning in his work at all or even finishing his assigngments.

Then this is when he really got my attention...he mentioned that the school district could get him help and that I needed to turn in the paperwork he had sent home with ds.

Basically since the beginning of the school year he has wanted for my son to go on meds. I WILL not allow that. Why? Because I do not believe in ADHD. If my son really had problems he would be failing all his classes. This teacher also teaches science and my son is passing that class. In the beginning of the year my ds son took a test to see where he was at and got a 88. At the end of the semester he took it again and he got a 65. All that tells me is that the teacher is not doing his job.

Well ladies my question is can the district force me to give my son meds? And also what would you say to the teacher in my situation? I am very quiet and honestly dont know how to speak my mind. People could easily run over me and I wouldnt know how to defend myself =( I need to change this because I need to speak up for my son.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Emerald Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:22 PM

They can not force you to medicate your child. It is your child and the decision remains with you. 

by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:24 PM

No they can't force you to do so.  They would have medicated both of mine if that were the case.

by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:24 PM
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First has your child seen a neurologist. In my opinion, very important for any diagnosis.
Second does he have an Iep or 504 in place?
Does he get pulled for extra help in math?
Can you find a tutor to supplement?
Can you start working with him at home?

I am not a huge pusher of drugs. Some kids need it. But, I don't feel like after one appt I would put my child in drugs. Have you worked with his diet? What other things have you tried to get him to work harder in school?

The teacher can only do so much, if your child isn't willing to put in the work, there is only so much the teacher can do.
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by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:26 PM
This girl I know had her son removed by CPS for refusal to give adhd meds. Hers was an extreme case tho, and they had tried all the other options without success. Good luck
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:26 PM
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How did your son do last year? What does your Ped say? Go get an independent evaluation. Also, step up and start helping him at home to get a true idea of his interest vs ability vs attention span.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:32 PM
I have the same thing going with my ds. They can not make him take anything. Tell them that they are full of crap.. and they should be worried that they are not doing there job that your taxes are paying them for... and if you have to go above there heads.. good luck.. I know have you feel..
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by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:37 PM

I believe ADD is real, though not as prevalent as it's being diagnosed. I watch my daughter and she definitely is. Though I would NEVER trust a 10 question test to diagnose her. We actually have to have the doc fill out a bunch of paperwork, her teachers, me...there's no 10 question diagnosis here. We watch her and she is very active and impulsive. She has trouble focusing.  However, I don't med either. She attends boxing and I get her more active time at home. Her teacher understands and works very well with her and me in keeping me up to date when Mary has bad days. She set up a corner of the room with a limited number of activities that will allow Mary to get up and move around a little without disturbing the class and it works. She's still impulsive and overactive, but she is calmer. (I also give her a child vitamin every day as well as watch her diet, it makes a HUGE difference. You could check for a vitamine deficiency, it can mimic ADD symptoms). 

However, your son sounds like a kid. My son Vance, he gets glowing reports in math and science and good ones in reading, and bad ones in writing. You know what's wrong with him? He doesn't like writing so he finds other things to distract himself with. What it sounds like is your son isn't getting math. Maybe he needs some tutoring, maybe they just aren't explaining it in a way he can understand, maybe he doesn't like math. If you don't understand or like what you are doing it's just that much harder to focus on it. You'd rather be somewhere else doing something else. I just try to explain to Vance that he needs to focus on it and get through it or he'll fail. 

I would try for tutoring or something, suggestions that will help him understand it. We all have places we are not strong in academically. Mine is math as well, Vance's is writing, etc. Of course, keep in mind I'm not a doctor and maybe you need a second opinion who takes your child's health more seriously. My doc was very serious about my objections to drugging and we compromise. I keep in mind I might have to medicate one day and watch her closely, while he helps me find healthy ways to redirect her that do not use medication. We revisit the medication idea about every 4 months or so. I'm afraid this next report I may have to live up to my promise..we'll see.

I know OUR district cannot force medication. In fact, it's VERY hard to pin down any teacher's feelings about medication. I have no idea what most of them personally believe. They've been very careful about only suggesting possibilities. If I choose to never medicate her, they will just have to deal with it. 

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:55 PM
Practice what you will say in front of a mirror? Write down the questions you think they might ask or suggestions they might give, then practice responding In the mirror, Aloud.
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by Katie on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:02 PM

 I am not saying you have to medicate your child. And the district can't force you to medicate him, nobody can.

However, ADHD is very real. And just because he isn't failing all his subjects doesn't mean he doesn't have it. (And I'm not saying he does have it) My daughter got decent grades even before she was diagnosed and medicated.

The most important thing you can do to help is take an active role in his education. Help him with his homework. Help him study for tests. Stay on top of what he's learning.

The next thing you can do is have him seen by a developmental pediatrician. They are more equipped to correctly what, if any, issues are present.

He may need an IEP to allow him some accomodations to help him with his achievement.


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by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:06 PM

 to answer your question no they can not force you to medicate.

but you are stupid for not believing in adhd ESPECIALLY IF YOUR CHILD REALLY DOES HAVE ADHD!

I have 2 kids with adhd and your child does not have to be failing all of his classes to have adhd. You do not have to medicated your child to believe in it. You are in denial. And you are not helping your son by saying i do not believe in adhd. There are other thing that the school could help you with if you would just admit to yourself that you son might just have adhd.

adhd children are not stupid.  even when my son wasn't medicated and was spending more time home than at school he still made a B average in every single class except writing.

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