Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

S/O of the "don't want to be like your mom" post looking for ideas/advice

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies

So, while my mom was not physically abusive, she was more of a caregiver then a mother.

She is my mom out of obligation, if she is being helpful or watching the kids, it is for bragging rights, or to make her seem like an awesome mom to her friends.


She never cuddled me, never comforted me, my family was rarely in the same room together unless it was dinner and we were sitting around the table.

Dad, well.... lets just say if I asked mom if I could do something, and she told me to ask Dad, I would rather not go then ask him.

As a kid I always longed for helping mom make cookies, and big happy family holidays and whatnot.

I have a 9 yr old dd, and a 7 yr old boy, I also have a newborn. My 9 yr old came into my room last night and was upset, she had had a nightmare. I don't know how to comfort her, I told her to go back to bed, and sleep with her light on.

Cuddling and affection are so foreign to me, especially with the older kids, but I feel like such a terrible person for denying my children these memories and emotions.

I want ideas or activities to try to force myself to change, I don't want my kids to think that I just do mom things because " I am supposed to".


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:23 PM

anyone?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

bumping again

LDavis33
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:14 PM

I really don't know what to say.  Have you tried counselling?  

I hope that others can help point you in the right direction.


1stpreggers
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:26 PM

I understand how you feel I don't have any childhood memories of hugging/cuddling. I didn't know to do about this until my ex's sons came to live with us. Honestly I just think about how I would like to be treated if I were them. Also do nice things just because. random hugs, kisses and praises are all always nice. Do the things that you always wanted as a child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:28 PM

The biggest problem is that I think about it, after the fact. Thanks for the thought though


I have actually considered getting something tattooed on my wrist, as a reminder, or maybe a tattooed ring or something.  Something that will trigger me to remember to do things differently then I am doing them.


Quoting 1stpreggers:

I understand how you feel I don't have any childhood memories of hugging/cuddling. I didn't know to do about this until my ex's sons came to live with us. Honestly I just think about how I would like to be treated if I were them. Also do nice things just because. random hugs, kisses and praises are all always nice. Do the things that you always wanted as a child.



Kitschy
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:29 PM

I'll bump for you. I had no affection from my mother growing up and I find physical affection very uncomfortable with everyone except my children. I am extremely affectionate with them because I want them to have those memories of me.

momtolittleg
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:31 PM

I know where you're coming from. I didn't get a lot of cuddles as a kid, and I have to make myself call my DD over for a hug, etc.  Wish I has a solution for you. 

1stpreggers
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Well it's never too late, and the little things really do make a big difference. I give the boys surprise hugs for no reason at all. Anytime they were bored I would think about activities we could do together. Also you could write little notes for your older kids and put them in there backpack, lunches things like that.

Quoting Anonymous:

The biggest problem is that I think about it, after the fact. Thanks for the thought though


I have actually considered getting something tattooed on my wrist, as a reminder, or maybe a tattooed ring or something.  Something that will trigger me to remember to do things differently then I am doing them.


Quoting 1stpreggers:

I understand how you feel I don't have any childhood memories of hugging/cuddling. I didn't know to do about this until my ex's sons came to live with us. Honestly I just think about how I would like to be treated if I were them. Also do nice things just because. random hugs, kisses and praises are all always nice. Do the things that you always wanted as a child.




Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:36 PM

DH gets irritated with me lol

I will be like " hey lets watch a movie and cuddle on the couch" I end up sitting on one end of the couch and he sits on the other. I will rest my foot or hand on his leg or something, but while I *want* to cuddle I find it so uncomfortable.


Quoting Kitschy:

I'll bump for you. I had no affection from my mother growing up and I find physical affection very uncomfortable with everyone except my children. I am extremely affectionate with them because I want them to have those memories of me.



Kitschy
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 5:38 PM

I don't really cuddle much with my husband. I try to make up for it with back rubs. lol My kids though, those guys can curl up and I can fall asleep with them. 

Maybe start with a small goal. Like one full on hug per day, and move on from there until it starts to get more comfortable.

Quoting Anonymous:

DH gets irritated with me lol

I will be like " hey lets watch a movie and cuddle on the couch" I end up sitting on one end of the couch and he sits on the other. I will rest my foot or hand on his leg or something, but while I *want* to cuddle I find it so uncomfortable.


Quoting Kitschy:

I'll bump for you. I had no affection from my mother growing up and I find physical affection very uncomfortable with everyone except my children. I am extremely affectionate with them because I want them to have those memories of me.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)