Afraid to let them play

[Lizard_Lina]

My close friend and I have children similar in age. She has a 5 year old son and I have a 4 (almost 5) year old daughter. They have been friends since forever. They hang out, go places together, whatever. I love the bond that they have. Recently however, my friend told me that her son was "touched" (i don't know the specifics so we will leave it at that) by a boy he goes to school with. Her son was showing major signs of aggression and when she took him to a therapist the truth came out. He is still in therapy. My friend was devasted and I as well as others have been as supportive as we know how to be in a situation like this. My problem is that I am afraid to let my daughter over to play. They still go to the park, see movies etc but when it comes time to let them play outside of moms watchful eye, I get nervous. I'm afraid until he works through this with his therapist, something might happen between her son and my daughter, be it out of curriosity or whatever. So I've been making excuses, and I feel awful for it. I don't want to hurt my friend and make this whole thing even harder on her, but at the same time I am trying to protect my daughter. What should I do? Should I tell her? How would I even go about that? Should I keep holding off until her son makes some progress with his therapy? How do I get rid of this fear? What would you do?

[Lizard_Lina]

They still play and when he is here I can promise supervision but how do I bring it up to my friend about my daughter being there?

Did anybody have this conversation with your nephews parents?

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand your fear, but I think if they are constantly supervised, it shouldn't be a problem. 

My nephew was molested, and as a result, he molested his step-sister. It's a long story, but that's actually how they found out he was molested--they walked in on him molesting her. He was 4 and she was 6. 

That was a year ago, and I still let him play with my kids (they are 2 and 4), but I make sure they are constantly supervised by myself or another adult that I trust. We haven't had any issues. 

[Anonymous]

Who touched him? I wonder this because I would be worried that my daughter would be exposed to that person more than I would worry he would hurt her.

[Lizard_Lina]

I'm sorry that happened to you

Quoting Anonymous:

I think constant supervision is necessary. With that said, I was molested as a child... And because of the pain it caused, I was deterred from even doing what many people consider normal. Like changing into bathing suits in front of all girls and such ... I became the opposite. So there may be no reason to worry ... But to be precautionary I would maintain constant supervision for at least the time being.

[Lizard_Lina]

A boy he knew from school

Quoting Anonymous:

Who touched him? I wonder this because I would be worried that my daughter would be exposed to that person more than I would worry he would hurt her.

[Anonymous]

We didn't have to. After they found him molesting his step-sister, they knew not to let him alone with other children. 

I would just tell your friend that if your daughter plays over there, you have too feel secure in knowing that they will not be alone together. Then, decide whether or not you trust your friend to do that. 

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

They still play and when he is here I can promise supervision but how do I bring it up to my friend about my daughter being there?

Did anybody have this conversation with your nephews parents?

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand your fear, but I think if they are constantly supervised, it shouldn't be a problem. 

My nephew was molested, and as a result, he molested his step-sister. It's a long story, but that's actually how they found out he was molested--they walked in on him molesting her. He was 4 and she was 6. 

That was a year ago, and I still let him play with my kids (they are 2 and 4), but I make sure they are constantly supervised by myself or another adult that I trust. We haven't had any issues. 

[Lizard_Lina]

I trust she would watch them. I just don't know what to say without sounding like I expect it to happen

Quoting Anonymous:

We didn't have to. After they found him molesting his step-sister, they knew not to let him alone with other children. 

I would just tell your friend that if your daughter plays over there, you have too feel secure in knowing that they will not be alone together. Then, decide whether or not you trust your friend to do that. 

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

They still play and when he is here I can promise supervision but how do I bring it up to my friend about my daughter being there?



Did anybody have this conversation with your nephews parents?

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand your fear, but I think if they are constantly supervised, it shouldn't be a problem. 

My nephew was molested, and as a result, he molested his step-sister. It's a long story, but that's actually how they found out he was molested--they walked in on him molesting her. He was 4 and she was 6. 

That was a year ago, and I still let him play with my kids (they are 2 and 4), but I make sure they are constantly supervised by myself or another adult that I trust. We haven't had any issues. 

[Anonymous]

Hm..maybe something along the lines of "I'm sure what you're going through is hard, and I don't really know how to talk about this, but I'm hoping as a mother you'll understand. My daughter and I really enjoy having you and your son as friends, but until he progresses in his therapy and we learn how he is going to deal with being molested, I'd really prefer if they are supervised at all times as a precaution."

If she gets upset, that's on her. In the end, you have to protect your daughter. 

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

I trust she would watch them. I just don't know what to say without sounding like I expect it to happen

Quoting Anonymous:

We didn't have to. After they found him molesting his step-sister, they knew not to let him alone with other children. 

I would just tell your friend that if your daughter plays over there, you have too feel secure in knowing that they will not be alone together. Then, decide whether or not you trust your friend to do that. 

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

They still play and when he is here I can promise supervision but how do I bring it up to my friend about my daughter being there?



Did anybody have this conversation with your nephews parents?

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand your fear, but I think if they are constantly supervised, it shouldn't be a problem. 

My nephew was molested, and as a result, he molested his step-sister. It's a long story, but that's actually how they found out he was molested--they walked in on him molesting her. He was 4 and she was 6. 

That was a year ago, and I still let him play with my kids (they are 2 and 4), but I make sure they are constantly supervised by myself or another adult that I trust. We haven't had any issues. 

[Lizard_Lina]

I'll give it a shot. This girl is like my sister I don't want her to feel attacked.

Quoting Anonymous:

Hm..maybe something along the lines of "I'm sure what you're going through is hard, and I don't really know how to talk about this, but I'm hoping as a mother you'll understand. My daughter and I really enjoy having you and your son as friends, but until he progresses in his therapy and we learn how he is going to deal with being molested, I'd really prefer if they are supervised at all times as a precaution."

If she gets upset, that's on her. In the end, you have to protect your daughter. 

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

I trust she would watch them. I just don't know what to say without sounding like I expect it to happen

Quoting Anonymous:

We didn't have to. After they found him molesting his step-sister, they knew not to let him alone with other children. 

I would just tell your friend that if your daughter plays over there, you have too feel secure in knowing that they will not be alone together. Then, decide whether or not you trust your friend to do that. 

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

They still play and when he is here I can promise supervision but how do I bring it up to my friend about my daughter being there?





Did anybody have this conversation with your nephews parents?

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand your fear, but I think if they are constantly supervised, it shouldn't be a problem. 

My nephew was molested, and as a result, he molested his step-sister. It's a long story, but that's actually how they found out he was molested--they walked in on him molesting her. He was 4 and she was 6. 

That was a year ago, and I still let him play with my kids (they are 2 and 4), but I make sure they are constantly supervised by myself or another adult that I trust. We haven't had any issues. 

[calvinsmommy18]

This

Quoting Anonymous:

Well as long as the kids are never alone, then you have nothing to worry about.

[mommy404204]

I would still allow them to play but never alone. This poor booy has had so much happen and now he cant see his best friend. Good luck and just be there for your friend and her son he is going to need support this is not something that is going to go away over night. I was molested 15 years ago and I still have problems with it. Poor little boy.