Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions
My close friend and I have children similar in age. She has a 5 year old son and I have a 4 (almost 5) year old daughter. They have been friends since forever. They hang out, go places together, whatever. I love the bond that they have. Recently however, my friend told me that her son was "touched" (i don't know the specifics so we will leave it at that) by a boy he goes to school with. Her son was showing major signs of aggression and when she took him to a therapist the truth came out. He is still in therapy. My friend was devasted and I as well as others have been as supportive as we know how to be in a situation like this. My problem is that I am afraid to let my daughter over to play. They still go to the park, see movies etc but when it comes time to let them play outside of moms watchful eye, I get nervous. I'm afraid until he works through this with his therapist, something might happen between her son and my daughter, be it out of curriosity or whatever. So I've been making excuses, and I feel awful for it. I don't want to hurt my friend and make this whole thing even harder on her, but at the same time I am trying to protect my daughter. What should I do? Should I tell her? How would I even go about that? Should I keep holding off until her son makes some progress with his therapy? How do I get rid of this fear? What would you do?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Replies (31-40):
Saille717
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:47 AM

Well, nothing between them has changed, so if he never did anything before I don't think that that would change now.  But again, if you're concerned then just keep having the talks with her and go visit during the play dates.  I don't think there are any good answers in a situation like that.  There's no telling what could happen, really.  But there never was.  

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

She knows about private parts and that nobody should touch them, but so does this boy, and he didn't even tell his mom, it came put through therapy for what everyone thought was a behavioral problem.

They still hang out and play, she just hasn't been over there without me since its come out.


Quoting Saille717:

You should talk to your daughter about "bad touching" and that nobody but herself, you and her doctor can touch her private parts.  It's not too young to start those lessons.  Then you should resume your play dates.  This little boy needs the normalcy in his life right now desperately.  If you're very worried, then don't let them play unsupervised.  



Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I don't understand---as long as you are in the same room with them, it's fine. My daughter age 4 is never out of my sight on a playdate. In fact, if she and the other kid start going upstairs, I tell them to come back down so I can watch them.

supercarp
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:52 AM

Don't make excuses: be frank withyour friend, but kind. Let them play together but watch them when they don't know you're watching. Over time you will know whether you can relax.

Lizard_Lina
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:09 PM
I like that idea. Thank you.


Quoting supercarp:

Don't make excuses: be frank withyour friend, but kind. Let them play together but watch them when they don't know you're watching. Over time you will know whether you can relax.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Lizard_Lina
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:11 PM
It's not like they disappear for hours. I'm more talking like if they're playing in the living room and they are left alone to go make lunch or do laundry or something mundane that then something may happen.


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't understand---as long as you are in the same room with them, it's fine. My daughter age 4 is never out of my sight on a playdate. In fact, if she and the other kid start going upstairs, I tell them to come back down so I can watch them.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
almondpigeon
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:12 PM

your feelings are totally understandable.  if i were you, i'd be honest with my friend.  

AmyL3469
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Poor kid. I would be careful of my kids being around him though. Never know if he'll mimic the behavior. Or, if he's aggressive, hurt your kids. I hope he gets help he needs and gets through this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:14 PM

 


Quoting Lizard_Lina:

It's not like they disappear for hours. I'm more talking like if they're playing in the living room and they are left alone to go make lunch or do laundry or something mundane that then something may happen.

I didn't mean that. For example, if they are in the living room, and you are in the kitchen fixing lunch, you won't be gone long. Or, if you prefer, you could fix lunch ahead of time, so it's ready to serve, or at least most is ready to serve. That way, when they are eating one thing, in the kitchen where you are, you can, for example, heat up the soup. Yeah, I would not want them to be unsupervised, unfortunately.

Lizard_Lina
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:14 PM
I think that's the biggest fear. The unknown. I'm just not comfortable with them playing alone even for five minutes until he makes some progress in therapy. I don't think he would intentionally hurt her but he's five and curious. Things happen every day.


Quoting Saille717:

Well, nothing between them has changed, so if he never did anything before I don't think that that would change now.  But again, if you're concerned then just keep having the talks with her and go visit during the play dates.  I don't think there are any good answers in a situation like that.  There's no telling what could happen, really.  But there never was.  

Quoting Lizard_Lina:

She knows about private parts and that nobody should touch them, but so does this boy, and he didn't even tell his mom, it came put through therapy for what everyone thought was a behavioral problem.



They still hang out and play, she just hasn't been over there without me since its come out.





Quoting Saille717:

You should talk to your daughter about "bad touching" and that nobody but herself, you and her doctor can touch her private parts.  It's not too young to start those lessons.  Then you should resume your play dates.  This little boy needs the normalcy in his life right now desperately.  If you're very worried, then don't let them play unsupervised.  





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MrsWhite101610
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:14 PM
Maybe ask how he's doing in therapy? How he's progressing?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)