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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

It only hurts a little.

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        Like a paper cut my DF small actions hurt me kind of deep. I know that we have stayed at this hospital since the 21st and it is getting to us. And I know he wants to be home with our son and not have to worry about all this shit we have been dealing with. I just wish he would not let things get to him so much, I know I am not perfect, but who is? 

       So normally I always get up and make DF breakfast and coffee, but it is kind of weird to do it here. I come down from the CHSU (congenital heart surgery unit) to our courtesy room and make him the microwavable things and coffee. I did not really do that the past two day because I slept through 5am. I did though this morning and had his coffee already and asked him if I could make him something. He said no to me making him anything and he made a PB&J sandwich. Then grabbed a coke and I said "Well I have your coffee" and he rejected it and said "I am not really drinking coffee right now, you can drink it." He then asked me why I am down in the room in the first place. I said "I normally come here to assist you," and I do but maybe it went unnoticed. 

       I felt crushed for some reason, it might just be postpartum. I had hand washed my bra and was drying it with a hair dryer then let it set out to help him. I just walked into the bathroom and continued to dry my bra. He opened the door and said he was leaving, I wished him a good day. I did not kiss him, and he has not kissed me in 3 days almost. IDK what to say and IDK if I should be hurt over a stupid thing like coffee. How do you handle this depression? Can men go through it too?  

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:00 AM
Replies (11-18):
CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:34 AM

Hospitals have social workers who are usually assigned to families like yours who have children in NICU and I would talk to them.  When DD was about 9 months old, we ended up at the hospital and stayed there for about 2 weeks.  They did not know what was wrong with her (105 fevers, huge swelling of the glands, elevated white blood counts,e tc...).  It was tough and it puts a lot of strain on the parents and the family.  Everyone deals with stress and trauma and worry differently, but you both need to talk to each other and express those feelings of worry and hurt and even anger.  The social workers at the hospital are used to seeing families like this and they can provide you with the resources and the support to help you and your DH.

angelmj
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Getting him to talk to someone else besides me is a battle. I told him about the support groups but he is not interested. He only talked to the surgeon and me.


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Hospitals have social workers who are usually assigned to families like yours who have children in NICU and I would talk to them.  When DD was about 9 months old, we ended up at the hospital and stayed there for about 2 weeks.  They did not know what was wrong with her (105 fevers, huge swelling of the glands, elevated white blood counts,e tc...).  It was tough and it puts a lot of strain on the parents and the family.  Everyone deals with stress and trauma and worry differently, but you both need to talk to each other and express those feelings of worry and hurt and even anger.  The social workers at the hospital are used to seeing families like this and they can provide you with the resources and the support to help you and your DH.


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CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:20 AM


Awww...I'm sorry. *hugs*

Don't take it to heart though.  It's a stressful time and he's internalizing it all and it's his way of dealing with things. 

Quoting angelmj:

Getting him to talk to someone else besides me is a battle. I told him about the support groups but he is not interested. He only talked to the surgeon and me.


Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Hospitals have social workers who are usually assigned to families like yours who have children in NICU and I would talk to them.  When DD was about 9 months old, we ended up at the hospital and stayed there for about 2 weeks.  They did not know what was wrong with her (105 fevers, huge swelling of the glands, elevated white blood counts,e tc...).  It was tough and it puts a lot of strain on the parents and the family.  Everyone deals with stress and trauma and worry differently, but you both need to talk to each other and express those feelings of worry and hurt and even anger.  The social workers at the hospital are used to seeing families like this and they can provide you with the resources and the support to help you and your DH.




eesmommy
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:25 AM
I think the two of you need to just step away and go somewhere quiet and hold hands and just breathe in silence and calm. You are both stressed beyond sanity. Hugs and prayers your baby heals wonderfully and quickly.
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banana-bear
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:41 AM
Oh wow! I'm so sorry! I bet he is just extremely stressed and worried. Talk to him and let him know that it's okay to feel that way, but don't make an enemy out of you. You are his ally and you guys need to stay a team.

Quoting angelmj:

Oh yeah sorry I was not trying to make it too long, our child had heart surgery after he was born and we have been here since. 



Quoting banana-bear:

I feel like I'm missing lots of info. Why are you guys in the hospital? Is your child with you?




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Itzy0ll0tl
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:27 PM

im sorry..

it must hurt a lot.. not just a little. maybe he is responding to the situation in a bad way.. talk to him. let him know you are alo hurting through this, and that you should help each other out..

ask him if maybe you did anything that may have bothered him. and explain to huim why you are hurt..

HUGS MOMMMA :) the good thing is that your baby is surviving ;)

KenneMaw
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:33 PM

Everyone has said great things and I totally agree - you are both experiencing such an extreme situation - having a baby that needed surgery.  That is SO stressful.   Plus, you have hormones and emotions that are unpredictable and he probably feels that as the man/husband/father that is he is failing you and your child right now.   So many times, men take things much harder than women (you know we are the stronger sex :-))   Also, sometimes, men don't like sharing their wives, even if it is with their children.   Tonight, when you see him, why don't you just ask him to hold you?  I think you both need to connect and just have some quiet time.  Best wishes to your baby.  Praying for a quick recovery :-)

MamaBear2cubs
by Nikki on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:38 PM

He's most likely worried and stressed,men can feel it just as hard as women. Having a sick child is not easy on anyone. How far are you from the hospital? Maybe he can take a few hours go home and spend time with your other child and rest up? Sorry you are going through this,your family is in my thoughts.

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