I met my Dh over 7 years ago. When I met him my dd was a little over 1. (My ex started dating his wife around the same time- everyone is super involved with dd) I made it clear to DH if we were to ever have children they must be treated equal or our relationship wouldn't work. He agreed and it has always been that way. Both of her step parents are awesome. She doesn't refer to them as step. She has 2 moms and 2 dads.
My Dh's family is strange. They are not bad people they are just not loving. We live about 30 miles from them and only see them about 3-4 times a year. They call and ask to get my DS a lot. (He is 5 and their grandchild) I tell them no. Here's why. My DD has only been invited to come to their house twice in 7 years and only because my DH made a big deal about it. They always want to get my DS when my DD is at her dads so they can sneak him away and DD won't know. MIL exact words. My MIL has 5 grandchildren. 3 step gd and 2 natural gs. She states this often. She tells my SIL who has no kids that she needs to have a baby girl so she can have a granddaughter since she has 2 gs. WTH?? You have 3 gs!!!!
So no my son will not be spending time with people who want to exclude my other child. Am I wrong? Should I deny them a close relationship with DS because they don't want one with dd. She is 8 1/2. We still go to family functions.