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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I being selfish? UPDATE

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 31 Replies

My oldest son is 19 he got his CNA cerification about a week after my DGS was born was able to get a job at our local hospital  and marry  his 17 year old GF.  I watch DGS while my DIL finishes her last year of high school, she has now asked me to consider watching him so she can go to college.  Her parents never help out, I love my Grandson, but I have a 13 and 14 year old too and don't know if I want to stay tied down to him, out of obligation.  Am I being selfish?  I am 49 years old now, and just want a little free time.

 

I want to thank you guys for all the advice and reassuring me that the way I was feeling wasn't selfish in a bad way.  I had the time to talk to Dh he is 8 years older than me, and he doesn't blame me either, but gave me some things to think about.  1.  Shouldn't we want the mother of our grandchild to be self sufficient, this way if my son and DIL split and she gets custody she can support him without a lot of help from us?  2.  What if DS was a DD instead, wouldn't we bend over backwards to make sure she finishes school and gets a decent college education? 3. The only vacations we will be taking in the next 5 years will be over the summer, because our youngest will still be in high school another 5 years, so what does it matter?

So here is what I've decided, I'm going to help but, only if it's no more than 3 days,  I'm going to ask DIL to ask  her mom and see if she is willing to take at least one day, her mom is younger than me by 10 years and doesn't work.  I know they could choose daycare, but we are trying to help them so they  won't have to pay out the money for that.  I'm also going to speak to my son and see what his plans are, I'd really like him to move forward as well he is making 10 dollars an hour but one dollar of that is shift differential, he is doing a good job stepping up to the plate, but there has to be something out there he could make more money at.  I wanted him to go to college too.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommamaggi
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:48 PM

Yes, you are, but its okay to be a little selfish sometimes. She can qualify for state funded child care if your DS is a CNA; they don't make a whole lot of money.

melissam21
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think so.
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Stephd710
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Tell her you are only available 2 or 3 days a week and not the whole time.  My mother watches my twins 2 days a week for me while I work and I pay someone for the other three days.  

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:50 PM

No your not being selfish.  It isn't your responsibilty its theirs.  

robibuni
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this

You're not being selfish at all.

You're grandma...not the baby's mother. If you don't want to, say no. You have obligations to your 13 and 14 year old FIRST.

lucsch
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:51 PM

I am 49, also. I know how you feel! It takes a lot of energy to watch little ones at our age.

You know, if my DIL wanted to go back to college (she quit 3 years in), I would babysit for her. I have a 3yo granddaughter and newborn grandson. It would be difficult, but I would do it for her. I would pretty much do anything for my kids, and I consider her one of "my" kids.

Saille717
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:52 PM

You are being honest, not selfish.  Tell them that you love them, you love your grandson, but that you'd like it if they found a new day care situation.  maybe even look around a bit and help them find somebody they can trust.  They are young and they don't know how you're feeling if you don't talk to them.  

ksueditz
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:52 PM
My mom is raising my niece. My mom has bc and she just started taking iv chemo. She's considering giving my niece back to my sister, but is having a lot of guilt. Sometimes you just have to put your needs first. You helped as much as you could, now they need to do things for themselves.
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Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:53 PM
You're grandma, you're not obligated to do anything.

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Muffins89
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:53 PM
It's not being selfish because its not really your job to watch their kid. It's nice that you're helping them out but if you don't want it to be a permanent thing then you should sit down and talk to them. Maybe she can take her first few semesters of college online so she can be home with the baby. She could get all the basic classes done online and then go from there. Maybe by the time she's done with all that he can go to daycare or (depending on how long that takes her and how old he is) he could start pre k. Also some colleges offer daycare starting at a certain age for students with children so she could look into something like that if there are any available near her if she would rather go to a campus and not online schooling. Just some ideas that may work for both of you.
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