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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i think i was raped...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband was drunk last night and he forced himself on me. I'm on my monthly so I told him no but he held me down and then he just went to sleep while I layed there crying. He told me sorry this morning but said he didn't remember doing it. :(

Thank you everyone. I feel so mad!!! I never thought he would do this to me.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:34 PM
Replies (171-180):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:47 AM
sadly anon, until youre actually in this situation, you cant presume what you would do. wed all love to think wed fight tooth and nail in that situation, but its not always that black and white. sometimes you cant fight back, it makes it worse. please understand i dont mean to be rude when i say "you dont know until you live it" but its true, you dont.

@evelynsmama: im very sorry for your suffering.


Quoting Evelynsmama2012:

Yea,it's obvious you've never been raped by your stupid words,Sometimes,and especially in my case,The more you fight ,the more you get hurt,I was 20,the rapist asshole was my husband,Everytime i tried to fight,he would just beat the shit out of me and get what he wanted anywa,After a while i realized it was best to just lay there and let it happen rather than getting beat half to death,and still getting raped afterwards



Quoting Anonymous:

Im sorry but I just cannot believe a woman can just lay there and let it happen. Whether it'd be my dh or a stranger I'd be screaming, kicking, punching, doing ANYTHING to get away, not simply say no and wait until its done.

I've never been raped but im thinking when it happens you KNOW its rape because you fought against it to defend yourself. If you don't know if its rape because you said no but simply let it happen, its just weird.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 19 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:49 AM
1 mom liked this
yes i believe so. the first anon made a very insensitive and hurtful statement. its not always as simple as having a good sex life and just being willing.


Quoting lalaboosh:

Oh, ok. We're totally on the same side on this one.



Quoting Anonymous:

im sorry, i was referring to the first poster, not you lala. i couldnt find her reply by itself so i just quoted her here. im sorry i was unclear.





Quoting lalaboosh:

You know what? I'm against victim blaming, it's disgusting. That's why I was shocked by anon. Hence the ...













Quoting Anonymous:

i was raped by my husband. please dont make this into the victims fault. thats unbelievably fucked up.









Quoting lalaboosh:

...











Quoting Anonymous:

 I dont see how a husband can honestly rape his wife. Do you have a bad marriage? If your marriage is good, sex life is good, why wouldnt you be willing? I would doubt it is rape.













..MoonShine..
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:51 AM
It's a good thing you don't define what rape is. I hope you never have to go through what OP has. Getting married is absolutely NOT giving consent.

Quoting Anonymous:

women cry rape too easy....he did something you didn't want him to...he was drunk and didn't realize he did it. your married...are you going to run his life over that!?!? Do you usually have sex with him...? I think of rape as an act where one person never gives concent...getting married is consent IMO. If he's having sex when you don't want to on a regular basis...leave him. Don't cry rape.... if this is a one time thing..get over it...this is someone you love that you have sex with with no issues all the time. it's no biggie... It's sad how women can just ruin a man's life over something so small. You didn't get drugged...you didn't get raped in an ally by a stranger...
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:55 AM

But my suffering (which really isn't much) would only be worse for making him suffer too. I really have zero ill feelings towards him at all. He made a mistake. I really have dealt with it, forgiven him, and moved on.

And its a big combination of things that has affected me. Everything else wasn't anyone's fault at all. I just did physical things for the wrong reasons and it affected me more than a normal person would be affected I suppose. I just saw sex as something girls did to make boys happy--not as an act of love, or something that could be fun and pleasurable. Just as something selfish.

Thankfully my DH is wonderful and has just loved me and loved me and loved me. And gently pushed me a little here and there. and put up with my 100 rules. and now I am finally starting to have a little fun with it. and definitely see it as a wonderful, loving thing between two people.

But I'm not mad at anyone who shaped my views negatively. Other than the half-rape, it's not THEIR fault that things affected me the way they did. And the things I did consensually affected me way more than that one night.

I would have no problem talking to him about it, but i honestly dont have any reason to. (and DH doesnt like to me talk to exes.) We did talk on occasion after the fact, I even hung out with him again, and briefly met his wife a couple years later. I really see no reason to bring suffering to him. Like i said, I choose forgiveness.


Quoting mommysangelface:

you should not have to be the one to do all the suffering. you did nothing wrong. Honestly, and you can hate me for saying this, as you see i am not trying to be mean or disrespectful, BUT, i think you need to look at what happened and face it head on. If it means talking to the guy who did it and confronting him about it, or in counseling. But to have it affecting you marriage and relationship with your dh, im not sure you have REALLY forgiven him. 

At times, humans, such as we are, can convince ourselves we have forgiven someone. The way we do that, is bury it. No confrontation. regardless if it is legal or not. Thats just how we are. We can bury things for years, think "yup im passed it" and then one day out of the blue, it smacks you in the face. All because it wasnt really dealt with. 

I hope to the gods that is not the cases with you. Wanna know why?  I thought i dealt with my feelings when i was raped in front of my kid. I even pressed charges on the bastard. Then all the sudden dh noticed i was getting depressed. then i wasnt sleeping again. then i was jumpy. Then i had a breakdown. Cuz i buried it. I didnt fully deal with it. I dealt with it half ass and it came back and slapped me hard in the face. 

I hope that doesnt happen to do sweetie. 

Quoting Anonymous:

but why should we both have to suffer when one of us doesn't have to? I chose to forgive. Maybe its because I'm a Christian, or maybe just bc I'm nice, but I've been forgiven for so much, I can forgive him for this.

And it's not like I'm living through horrible suffering. It just took me awhile to open up to DH sexually because of my warped views on sex (which happened as a result of a LOT of things, not just this one thing). And, yes, it has hurt my DH too bc he doesnt really understand why sex has been so hard for us. I did tell him everything, but of course its natural for him to think its because of something he's doing wrong. 

but now its getting better. As long as, when I tell DH to stop (he sometimes likes to push me out of my comfort zone, which is a good thing), he must stop RIGHT AWAY or he'll be holding me while I cry for a few minutes and he'll have to tell me that he loves me and will never ever leave :)

 

Quoting mommysangelface:

i totally understand where you are coming from. BUT why does he get off scotfree and yet you and your dh pay the price. thats not fair(i know life is not fair) 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Well, I had known him for a few years and we were fairly close. As in, he knew all my baggage, and he opened up to me about hurts from his past that I could tell he didn't tell just anyone (Nothing bad/scary at all. just normal people stuff). He's really not a bad person. We were both just really drunk that night and he started to make a bad decision. But then he stopped.

Yeah, it affected me down the road. That night and some other things has given me some issues with sex that have affected my sex life with my DH (and we've been married 4 years now. it was 5 years ago that this happened). but no need to ruin his life over it. he doesnt deserve all that.

 

Quoting mommysangelface:

you are a better woman than i am. im glad he has never done it again, but that is very rare

Quoting Anonymous:

 Bc I dated him in the past before that and was friends with him after for a few years. He's not a bad guy, he just made a bad decision that night when we were both very drunk. He did stop. And I probably would have slept with him anyways if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, but I didn't want to as just some drunk thing.

Anyways, he's married now and so am I and we don't talk anymore. It wasn't right, but it wasnt worth ruining his life over.

 

Quoting mommysangelface:

but let me ask you this, i know you didnt want to ruin his life, i totally understad that. BUT, what about another woman he may have done this to?

please understand im not trying to make you feel guilty for not reporting it. but how do you know he hasnt done it again. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 That's what I'm saying. That TECHNICALLY he DID... but I'm not about to ruin the rest of his life by pressing charges for it.

 

Quoting mommysangelface:

he still raped you hunni :(

Quoting Anonymous:

 yes he did. he just did not cum inside me. he did have sex with me even though I was saying no repeatedly. but he did stop before he orgasmed.

 

Quoting mommysangelface:

did he enter you?  if not what you are describing is sexual assualt. its a little different than rape

Quoting Anonymous:

 He started to. But then he did stop before he finished. There was definitely time in between when I told him no (several times) and then when he finally stopped.

 

Quoting mommysangelface:

how could you have called it rape?  he did not have sex with you. that is not rape what you described

Quoting Anonymous:

How do YOU feel about the situation, OP? Yes, you can call that rape, but do you want to? Do you feel disgusted and violated, or just annoyed and angry at the whole thing?

I ask because once I was at a guy friend's house. He had been my BF previously, but we werent dating at the time. Anyways, we both got drunk and he started to try to have sex with me and I told him no. After a minute or two of saying no, he did stop. I suppose I *could* have, in my situation, called it rape, but I wasn't so bothered by the whole situation. I wasn't going to ruin his whole life over a bad decision he started to make when drinking too much. I just stopped hanging out with him and went on with my life. Anyways--i know thats not the same situation as yours. My point is--it is up to you to decide what you want to do about it. Leave him altogether? Tell him to stop drinking? Forgive him and move on?

What he did was wrong, but it is still up to you to decide what you want to do about it. and you have lots of options.


 

 


 

 


 

 


 

 


 

 


 

 



 

kelly617
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:10 AM

No means no...whether you're married or not
She said she was on her period and said no...if he forced himself that is technically rape and would be considered as much if she called the police.
they WOULD arrest him and he would be charged


Quoting Anonymous:

 I dont see how a husband can honestly rape his wife. Do you have a bad marriage? If your marriage is good, sex life is good, why wouldnt you be willing? I would doubt it is rape.



mattiehatter
by Mary on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:11 AM

That is rape. I'm so sorry.

kelly617
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:14 AM

You think because its her husband the cops wouldn't call it rape
I guarantee you they would...he would be arrested and charged (if she chooses to press charges)

Quoting LadyF86:

 what??? about what?

Quoting LoveMyLos:

Yall need to get yourselves educated....seriously.

Quoting LadyF86:

 I would feel disgusted and violated. I do not think it can be considered rape by the law since he is your husband but I see it that way and I would of been introducing my knee to his nuts.

 



LadyF86
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:27 AM
I don't know the law with spousal tape or what the law considers it to be. That's all I'm saying. I feel that it is though

Quoting kelly617:

You think because its her husband the cops wouldn't call it rape
I guarantee you they would...he would be arrested and charged (if she chooses to press charges)


Quoting LadyF86:

 what??? about what?


Quoting LoveMyLos:

Yall need to get yourselves educated....seriously.


Quoting LadyF86:


 I would feel disgusted and violated. I do not think it can be considered rape by the law since he is your husband but I see it that way and I would of been introducing my knee to his nuts.


 




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MrsImperfect
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Yes but I saw the same therapist alone and he reported past violence even though we were not in the situation anymore. He told us by law he has to report it. Even if some time has passed.

Quoting mommysangelface:

thats the difference.  your son is a minor correct?   

Quoting MrsImperfect:

My sons therapist told us he was obligated to report any violence done to me and my son and he did even tho I didnt want that.



Quoting brittany208:

 This is NOT true. They are only required to report it if you say that YOU are going to harm yourself or others.






Quoting MrsImperfect:

If you go to counseling the therapist is legally obligated to report the incident. Just so you know. He may be charged.







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Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:06 PM
I'm sorry but he is wrong. If a victim is not coming forward there is nothing to report. Now if permission was granted that's different.

Quoting MrsImperfect:

Yes but I saw the same therapist alone and he reported past violence even though we were not in the situation anymore. He told us by law he has to report it. Even if some time has passed.



Quoting mommysangelface:

thats the difference.  your son is a minor correct?   

Quoting MrsImperfect:

My sons therapist told us he was obligated to report any violence done to me and my son and he did even tho I didnt want that.





Quoting brittany208:

 This is NOT true. They are only required to report it if you say that YOU are going to harm yourself or others.








Quoting MrsImperfect:

If you go to counseling the therapist is legally obligated to report the incident. Just so you know. He may be charged.









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