Husband and Mother In Law fight- Do you get in the middle?

[Anonymous]

My husband and his mother got into an argument over something stupid.  Things got heated quickly and my husband told his mother to stfu.

I never get in between his family issues because it's not my business.  But I heard the hurt in the voice when she told him that he was disrespectful.  She curse at her kids all the time, that's how she "talks" to them or parent them, so it didn't make sense to me when she said that to him.

I feel bad that she is hurt.  I told hubby when he is ready to apologize to her but to be firm in he feel.  She tends to be very meddling and can't mind her own business. 

[spooky415]

My mil abandoned my husband when he was under 5. Sometimes she thinks she has the right to criticize him and make him feel like he's a disappointment.

I have never had a problem defending my husband. I wouldn't say I get in the middle-but when it comes to HER, I don't hesitate to let my feelings be known.

[Lyssa0587]

Ouch...

[Babygirl9609]

No I never get in the middle unless she's talking shit about me...then hell no...I WILL defend myself. And I honestly don't give a shit if he fights with her. She needs a fucking reality check cuz she was a shitty mom and now wants to tell us how to be parents.

[KrissyKC]

No, don't get in the middle.   Let them solve it.   It would make me feel bad, too, to have to listen to them and the way she sounded so hurt.

However, you say she curses them out, so I'm thinking she taught them to treat her that way, so it needs to be between them.   If you want, you can tell DH how it made you feel.

Example:   "I'm not siding with your Mom, but it really surprised me to hear you tell her STFU and such.   It actually bothered me a little because I don't see you that way."

[Mommy980106]

Are you married to my brother in law? This sounds exactly like my MIL. DH has cut her out of his life because of the physical and emotional pain she has caused.

Quoting spooky415:

My mil abandoned my husband when he was under 5. Sometimes she thinks she has the right to criticize him and make him feel like he's a disappointment.



I have never had a problem defending my husband. I wouldn't say I get in the middle-but when it comes to HER, I don't hesitate to let my feelings be known.

[oorahwife31]

not if it's between the 2 of them, unless kids happened to be in the room then i would - but no i think they need to handle thier own relationship just like i would if my mom and i got into it

[spooky415]

We've basically cut her out. She calls my husbands grandfather (who raised him) on holidays and were usually there. To save him any stress we talk for a few minutes. That's it.

Quoting Mommy980106:

Are you married to my brother in law? This sounds exactly like my MIL. DH has cut her out of his life because of the physical and emotional pain she has caused.

Quoting spooky415:

My mil abandoned my husband when he was under 5. Sometimes she thinks she has the right to criticize him and make him feel like he's a disappointment.





I have never had a problem defending my husband. I wouldn't say I get in the middle-but when it comes to HER, I don't hesitate to let my feelings be known.

[Anonymous]

I would stay out of it because changes are they will be over it before long and it will all be ok again. And nothing you guys do or say will change MIL or her personality anyways so you might as well learn to live with it and avoid turning a minor fight into a giant family fude. lol

[Anonymous]

no, they are the two most peaceable people I've ever met and I don't think I've heard either of them raise their voices in 12 years.  mil isn't even his bio mom and he still has more respect for her than to tell her to STFU, he has communication skills higher than those of a 6th grader.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting KrissyKC:

No, don't get in the middle.   Let them solve it.   It would make me feel bad, too, to have to listen to them and the way she sounded so hurt.

However, you say she curses them out, so I'm thinking she taught them to treat her that way, so it needs to be between them.   If you want, you can tell DH how it made you feel.

Example:   "I'm not siding with your Mom, but it really surprised me to hear you tell her STFU and such.   It actually bothered me a little because I don't see you that way."

It really did surprise me  just told him I understand why he felt the need to say that to her because she is too extra and can be ignorant at times.  Even I take "breaks" from being around her,  she's too much and talks shit all the time.  But despite her faults and her ways I respect her for helping us out when we needed it.  

I told him to not let anyone tell you how you should act and feel towards people and he should say that to her.