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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Almost 5yr old & Discipline - How do you do it? What am I doing wrong?!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 39 Replies

Ok, My oldest is turning 5 in a week.
He has displayed increasing bad behavior issues since starting PreK this year.

When I tell him "no" or "not today"....pretty much anything he doesn't want to hear, he screams at me "I said so and so" or "right now!".
I have taken toys away, time out, spanking, ignored it, I just have no clue what to do next.
He's an angel at school, according to his teachers...but once I pick him up from school, he starts. Anything I answer to him, he says "stupid" or "shut up" or what I posted above. I'm SICK of it.

I have two other kids and the second oldest is starting to pick up on his smart mouth.
She will be in PreK next fall.

He has always been so sweet to his sisters, but tonight the youngest (13m) touched his train and he slapped her...hard enough to leave a hand print on her back. I told him I that behavior will NOT be tolerated and sent him to his room to try this "cool-down period" I've been told works. Well, as soon as I shut his door he started screaming and hollering and kicking the door.
I feel like everything I try just makes it worse.

My husband says I am too nice and they just run over me. I'm a stay at home mom and also taking RN program pre-reqs full time online. My husband works 6 days a week, 14-16hrs a day. I'm lost. I feel like I'm failing. Where did I go wrong? My nerves are shot. I feel like I've tried it all, but maybe I'm doing it wrong.


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LucyHarper
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a five year old, if he spoke to me like that, he would go stand in the corner until he was ready to behave and apologize and we would have a serious talk about it. If he told me to shut up or called me stupid, he would go to the corner and would lose a privilege for the day. If he hit his younger sibling, he would go to the corner for a good long time to think about his actions, if he started throwing a fit I would tell him the longer he keeps that up, the longer hes in timeout, he will not be allowed out until he has done his time calmly and in silence. Then once he was out he would lose all privileges for the rest of the day and would instead spend his time doing extra chores, reading, and doing nice things for his sibling to make up for how he treated them. Once again, we would have a serious talk about what he did, why its wrong, and what he should have done, like say "please don't tough my train" and just gently move it away from her. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:44 PM

Thanks for responding. He has been in trouble for not doing what he's told before, but he has never acted out in this way, or on this level. I've put him in the corner tonight and as soon as I let him walk away, he started kicking things. So I put him right back in the corner.
Hopefully, I will get somewhere with this.


Quoting LucyHarper:

I have a five year old, if he spoke to me like that, he would go stand in the corner until he was ready to behave and apologize and we would have a serious talk about it. If he told me to shut up or called me stupid, he would go to the corner and would lose a privilege for the day. If he hit his younger sibling, he would go to the corner for a good long time to think about his actions, if he started throwing a fit I would tell him the longer he keeps that up, the longer hes in timeout, he will not be allowed out until he has done his time calmly and in silence. Then once he was out he would lose all privileges for the rest of the day and would instead spend his time doing extra chores, reading, and doing nice things for his sibling to make up for how he treated them. Once again, we would have a serious talk about what he did, why its wrong, and what he should have done, like say "please don't tough my train" and just gently move it away from her. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:48 PM
4 moms liked this
Gently hold him across your lap and smack his ass til he gets the point!
momo3fgr8tteens
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:50 PM

Be consistent with whatever you do. Just keep doing it. It may take awhile but don't give up. Its really not so much about what you do as a consequence when they misbehave as it is being consistent and firm.  Good luck. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:51 PM
1 mom liked this

It's the age... Mine is off the hook too sometimes. You need to be consistent, show authority and A good pop in the mouth never hurt..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this

 

My son was doing the same shit as her kid. After getting put across my knee and spanked until he submitted, he learned real quick that I was not going to play around. He is now going on 7 and is the best behaved, polite kid you could ever meet.

Quoting Anonymous:

Gently hold him across your lap and smack his ass til he gets the point!


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:03 PM
Have you ever thought he can't handle controlling himself at school all day well so by the time he gets home he's ready to explode?I have a nephew like that.Is there something going on at school he doesn't like.Does he act out to get attention?Does he need a more consistent schedule? Make sure there are no underlying issues I say this because I have seen it time and time again.
Sweet_Carol_126
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I think that you may be too nice to them.  He is running over you and you are not being consistent.  Every single time he does that you need to give him a warming that it is not appropriate and he will have timeout if he does it again.  Then take him to the timeout place and make him stay there.  It is hard as you have to keep going and putting him back and putting him back and he has to stay there for a bit longer if he moves.  Your husband must back you up on this as if you both are not on the right page then you are back to starting all over again.  You have to do this every single time.  It is hard work as you have to get up and move him every time.  Back before spanking was a nono, I would have smacked his butt and told him that it was not acceptable.  When you send him to his room and he screams and yells, you tell him that he can come out when he settles down and can behave nicely.  And you let him scream or whatever and don't allow him out until he comes back and says he is sorry.  That is another part, he needs to apologize to you and whomever he hurt before he can go play.  You give him a hug and tell him that you love him but he has to obey.  You do that with all the kids.  Watch the English Nanny that is on tv and she does it without spanking.  I sure took the shortcut of a smack on the seat as that got their attention and they knew I was serious.  You do not yell at him and never say he is bad.  His actions are bad, he is not bad, but his behavior is.    You must keep at it and you can't ignore him sometimes and expect him to know that he has to be on good behavior all the time.  There must be consequence for bad behavior every time.  If he fusses in the room you are in, then he either sits in time out or goes to his room.  I always told mine I didn't have to listen to his fussing and sent them to their room and when they could be nice they could come out.  That does work.  If kids fight over the tv, turn it off until the kids can agree to the next (however many shows as their are kids) and each one gets to pick a show so all have a choice.  You have to make it fair.  Have them clean their rooms, pick up toys and they could help fold clothes.  Praise them for good actions and tell them you are proud of them when they behave well.  You can have little token gifts for when they have been nicely behaved all day, like cookies at a certain time in the afternoon but only if they were nice.   If one wasn't, one doesn't get the reward.  You can't sneak them to him or her later.  You have to be tough there.  it  is a tough love and it works.  But be sure to separate the behavior and the child as the child is good and you love the child but you don't like the behavior that is not acceptable.  Read some books on consequences for children.  There are a number of books like that out there or sure was when mine were growing up and I used them.  I was probably a bit too strict and did smack or grabbed a bit of hair to get attention and that wasn't a real good idea.  Once I pulled out some hair and I felt really bad about it.  My kids think they were especially good kids and I was lucky.  I don't remember it that way.  I studied about child behavior and consequences and also the biggie which is consistency.  They work.

Sweet_Carol_126
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:07 PM

 Better keep that to smacks on the bottom or to grab him and stop him from his behavior and lead him off to the time out or penalty area.  I think it can be done without hitting, but a smack on the rear or two gets their attention and they listen a bit faster.


Quoting Anonymous:

It's the age... Mine is off the hook too sometimes. You need to be consistent, show authority and A good pop in the mouth never hurt..


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:08 PM
Wow I posted this exact same thing last week and got bashed to shit. Im sorry he's doing this I wish I could figure it out for my 5 year old as well.
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