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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Almost 5yr old & Discipline - How do you do it? What am I doing wrong?!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok, My oldest is turning 5 in a week.
He has displayed increasing bad behavior issues since starting PreK this year.

When I tell him "no" or "not today"....pretty much anything he doesn't want to hear, he screams at me "I said so and so" or "right now!".
I have taken toys away, time out, spanking, ignored it, I just have no clue what to do next.
He's an angel at school, according to his teachers...but once I pick him up from school, he starts. Anything I answer to him, he says "stupid" or "shut up" or what I posted above. I'm SICK of it.

I have two other kids and the second oldest is starting to pick up on his smart mouth.
She will be in PreK next fall.

He has always been so sweet to his sisters, but tonight the youngest (13m) touched his train and he slapped her...hard enough to leave a hand print on her back. I told him I that behavior will NOT be tolerated and sent him to his room to try this "cool-down period" I've been told works. Well, as soon as I shut his door he started screaming and hollering and kicking the door.
I feel like everything I try just makes it worse.

My husband says I am too nice and they just run over me. I'm a stay at home mom and also taking RN program pre-reqs full time online. My husband works 6 days a week, 14-16hrs a day. I'm lost. I feel like I'm failing. Where did I go wrong? My nerves are shot. I feel like I've tried it all, but maybe I'm doing it wrong.


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:27 PM
Replies (31-39):
bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:25 PM

it does sound like you arent consistant, or weren't consistant. I would figure out what will work for you and stick to it.

ccnstanczak
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:31 PM

 that train would be taken away and hed be grounded. and grounded every day until he gets over himself. . hed also have to do 3 nice things for each person he was mean to including a letter of apology and sentences I will not hit and i will not talk back. any and all privledges would have to be earned.

 and then talk to him when hes calm. Clearly remind him of the rules and even write them down with him and what the consequences will be when he breaks those rules.

and i agree with an above pp. is he actiing out for attention. is there something bothering him? also try saying no without saying no. it sounds like a power stuggle there. he thinks hes going to be able to change your mind. ** have him write a list of things that he wants to do- set goals and plan ahead and hard work and good behavoir is what he needs to get those goals***

this is a very difficult age. terrible two and threes- thats cakewalk compared to fives and sixes. by this age not only does he know better but he knows that he can push your buttons. life isnt fair and your not always going to get your way kid!! but you can teach him about compromise and positive ways to resolve conflict. how to express yourself with out getting out of control. my dd is 6 and i have big talks with her about stuff like this. its like they forget everything you taught them. i ask why did she do that? i dont know? so i have to explain again how we handle things and why. *sigh. Communication here goes a loooong way sometimes.

 

LucyHarper
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:06 AM

A swat on the butt, fine as long as its well deserved, but hitting (popping is hitting, who are you kidding), a kid in the face is unnecessary and uncalled for. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you super nanny! Where did hitting come into this? I said to pop him on the mouth for talking back... Nothing about that implied hitting or even hurting. It's a shock factor more than anything.

Quoting Sweet_Carol_126:

 Better keep that to smacks on the bottom or to grab him and stop him from his behavior and lead him off to the time out or penalty area.  I think it can be done without hitting, but a smack on the rear or two gets their attention and they listen a bit faster.


Quoting Anonymous:

It's the age... Mine is off the hook too sometimes. You need to be consistent, show authority and A good pop in the mouth never hurt..






Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:51 PM

I disagree and if your so aginst hitting why are you condoning hitting your child on the butt?! After all, swatting is hitting right?! A small pop is not hitting..Now have a nice day.

Quoting LucyHarper:

A swat on the butt, fine as long as its well deserved, but hitting (popping is hitting, who are you kidding), a kid in the face is unnecessary and uncalled for. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you super nanny! Where did hitting come into this? I said to pop him on the mouth for talking back... Nothing about that implied hitting or even hurting. It's a shock factor more than anything.

Quoting Sweet_Carol_126:

 Better keep that to smacks on the bottom or to grab him and stop him from his behavior and lead him off to the time out or penalty area.  I think it can be done without hitting, but a smack on the rear or two gets their attention and they listen a bit faster.


Quoting Anonymous:

It's the age... Mine is off the hook too sometimes. You need to be consistent, show authority and A good pop in the mouth never hurt..







superwoman8977
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:56 PM

you have to be in control.  Spank, take away priviledges.  I am a drill sargeant to my kids, they know who the boss is and they know better than to tell me no.  Just a few minutes ago it was dd's nap time (she is going to be 4 next week).  She told me no...so I stopped what I was doing, picked her up and put her in bed and said Yes its naptime.  2 minutes later and she is asleep.  You just have to be on them 24/7 and never let them get away with anything and discipline them when they do.  I also do not allow my children to throw tantrums.  A tantrum gets you a spanking.  My dd knows better than to throw a tantrum. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:58 PM
I wish you the best of luck...
My DD is 5, but such a sweet child. If she does something wrong I get down on her level and talk to her. When she was younger and would get upset and yell, I calmly told her when she was ready to talk let me know. She would get her frustrations out in a minute and then stopped to talk.
Whatever you do, be consistent.
LucyHarper
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 6:43 PM

A hit on the butt, okay, a hit in the face, not okay, they are very different things, hopefully you understand that.

Quoting Anonymous:

I disagree and if your so aginst hitting why are you condoning hitting your child on the butt?! After all, swatting is hitting right?! A small pop is not hitting..Now have a nice day.

Quoting LucyHarper:

A swat on the butt, fine as long as its well deserved, but hitting (popping is hitting, who are you kidding), a kid in the face is unnecessary and uncalled for. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you super nanny! Where did hitting come into this? I said to pop him on the mouth for talking back... Nothing about that implied hitting or even hurting. It's a shock factor more than anything.

Quoting Sweet_Carol_126:

 Better keep that to smacks on the bottom or to grab him and stop him from his behavior and lead him off to the time out or penalty area.  I think it can be done without hitting, but a smack on the rear or two gets their attention and they listen a bit faster.


Quoting Anonymous:

It's the age... Mine is off the hook too sometimes. You need to be consistent, show authority and A good pop in the mouth never hurt..









Kellyjude1
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:30 PM

 We use time out.  Being consistent and calm is key.  Give him a warning and if he does not listen place him onto time out.  If he gets back up continue to place him back on eventually he will tire out and see that you mean what you say. Once his time out is over, get down to his level and tell him why he was placed onto time out and end with a hug.  Another suggestion is a behavior chart with stickers.  Allow him to pick out the stickers.  So many stickers for good behavior and the two of you spend a day together doing something he enjoys.  For example going to the playground, or the movies, or doing crafts.  Always praise good behavior.  Hopefully with some time he will seek your positive attention instead of your negative.  I hope everything works out...

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:37 PM
This. And it's just the age. Dd was like that at the age. Be consistent. Another thing that I have found that works really well is a behavior chart. We still use with dd and she is sick. We base more on how she does at school. If she has a good day at school four of out five days, she can get a treat at the end of the week. If she has more than two bad days, she loses tv privledges and has to go to bed early. We are going to start using a chart for ds who is 3. And don't be afraid to spank him. Sometimes that is the only thing that gets through to my two. I don't like doing it but my patience only goes so far.


Quoting momo3fgr8tteens:

Be consistent with whatever you do. Just keep doing it. It may take awhile but don't give up. Its really not so much about what you do as a consequence when they misbehave as it is being consistent and firm.  Good luck. 


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