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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I hate you people...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I hate you people who stare at my son like he is some kind of freak. I hate you people who point at him and call him a retard. Just because he doesn't comprehend that word, you think it's okay? Do you feel like a big person for calling a fourteen year old that? Does it make you feel good?  You think it's okay to laugh at him? It's not. He has a right to be in the park, same as your kid. He loves to swing. You don't have to make fun of him for that. You are a bully, and I feel sorry for you, and your child alike. You are narrow-minded people. My son is a wonderful boy. True, he can not communicate. True, he has meltdowns and gets violent at times. It's not for no reason at all. The music is too loud, there's too many people, he can't stand the color black. Nonetheless, he is NOT a retard. And he still wants to be your friend. Instead of using his words, he uses actions. He's not that different and you shouldn't make us feel bad for wanting him to be somewhat normal. But mostly, I hate you because you will never know what it is like to have a child who is not normal. And I hate myself for hating you.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:35 AM
Replies (21-30):
crumpy_gat
by No. on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:10 AM
I hate people like that, I'm sorry :(
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AA2.0
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:11 AM
Do you have this same attitude with everyone? Nowhere in your OP does it say all of what you just said in this reply.

Some people are just assholes. We all have to deal with them, even those of us without special needs children. All you can do is stand your ground and refuse to allow them to chase you from the park because they are ignorant assholes.


Quoting Anonymous:

I have. Multiple times. It's the same group of 3 adults. I've approached them, and attempted to talk to them. They were rude, and had to rush off suddenly. The second time, I had a handwritten letter. Nope. Trashed that too, and off they went. Third time a phamplet about his disability. They all looked at me and said "We really don't want your retarded son anywhere near this park." So, I've tried to be sweet. I've tried to be nice. I can't. The only reason I take him there is because they have a swing big enough for him. I have no problems with the other parents (I ALWAYS carry information,and am MORE THAN HAPPY to talk with anyone about him, thank you very much)




Quoting AA2.0:

How about trying to educate people instead of hating them. It's far more productive, IMO.



 

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TrouserMouse
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:12 AM

 I work with people with disabilities every day and have for nearly 20 years.  I can't think of a time that an adult actually pointed and laughed and called someone a retard out loud.

Sure, I can tell when someone doesn't think they should be allowed in public and acts like the person with disabilities is an intrusion in their world.  They may stare and be less than pleasant.  It is more of a feeling than what they verbalize.  It is more about their actions than words.

If you are running into tons of adults saying those things, I would find that highly unusual.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:15 AM

True, I did not, because I just needed to vent. Your right, I didn't think about EVERYONE dealing with people who are judgemental also. And thank you, I don't want to be run over by them. It's my park too dang nabbit.

Quoting AA2.0:

Do you have this same attitude with everyone? Nowhere in your OP does it say all of what you just said in this reply.

Some people are just assholes. We all have to deal with them, even those of us without special needs children. All you can do is stand your ground and refuse to allow them to chase you from the park because they are ignorant assholes.


Quoting Anonymous:

I have. Multiple times. It's the same group of 3 adults. I've approached them, and attempted to talk to them. They were rude, and had to rush off suddenly. The second time, I had a handwritten letter. Nope. Trashed that too, and off they went. Third time a phamplet about his disability. They all looked at me and said "We really don't want your retarded son anywhere near this park." So, I've tried to be sweet. I've tried to be nice. I can't. The only reason I take him there is because they have a swing big enough for him. I have no problems with the other parents (I ALWAYS carry information,and am MORE THAN HAPPY to talk with anyone about him, thank you very much)


 


Quoting AA2.0:

How about trying to educate people instead of hating them. It's far more productive, IMO.

 


 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:22 AM
1 mom liked this

 Well, I have had my son for fourteen years, and I have had MANY people (children and adults) point at him and call him that.And yes, out loud. As long as we are not having a melt down, I approach them, and talk to them about my son. I feel as though they leave knowing more than they did and it's okay to be "different".

If people are staring, it doens't bother us as much. It's just when they point or shake their head (which yes, has happened a few times also).

Would you like to come to the park with me? Every Thursday at 4:55-5:55 or until he is done. The group is always there, with their children. We've been going there since he was born. They ALL have newborns-toddlers.  True they are younger (good lord, I am old, lol), but that is not an excuse, is it?


Quoting TrouserMouse:

 I work with people with disabilities every day and have for nearly 20 years.  I can't think of a time that an adult actually pointed and laughed and called someone a retard out loud.

Sure, I can tell when someone doesn't think they should be allowed in public and acts like the person with disabilities is an intrusion in their world.  They may stare and be less than pleasant.  It is more of a feeling than what they verbalize.  It is more about their actions than words.

If you are running into tons of adults saying those things, I would find that highly unusual.


 

lancet98
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:40 AM

It would be a good idea if the original poster found a counselor to talk to.

And I hate to say it, but if you are assuming that children who can't communicate have a RIGHT to get violent, or you have a RIGHT to have your child at the park because it's ok for him to hit other kids, your rights as the parent of a child with a disability, REALLY don't go that far.

It's actually not at all unusual, in my experience, for some parents to react very resentfully if their disabled child hits another kid out of frustration, or due to a limitation imposed by his or her disability, and someone reacts angrily. 

While even the parent of a non-disabled child can not guarantee that their child will never lose his/her temper in public, there is a point beyond which, the parent of a disabled child needs to realize, they need to exercise a little practical, reasonable judgement.

My feeling is that acceptance and coming to terms with what the child's disability is, has an awful lot to do with being able to deal with the child in effective, practical ways.   The more upset and unhappy parents are, the more likely they get into expecting excessive accomodations for their child.   Some of this is just about time and practice.   Initially, parents are often so blindsided, and so unhappy, that over-reacting to situations is well - somewhat to be expected. 

A lot of it is about learning - from experience - what works for their individual kid, and a lot of it is giving their child time to learn, too.

I've seen parents put the child's siblings through a lot, for example, too much, honestly.  Or expecting neighbors or people at the park to put up with TOO much.  

And yes, indeed, I have quite often seen the opposite - seen people out in public, expect WAY too much, and complain about even the slightest differences in behavior. 

A good example was my friend whose autistic son was, well when he liked something, he would say, 'eee', and no, he wasn't particularly quiet.   She had a parent march up to her at a store and lecture her about 'teaching her child to behave', and how if she would spank the child when he misbehaved, he would 'learn'.   

Well, she told me that both she and her husband had spanked the boy, in moments of total frustration, and that he would actually just start screaming LOUDER, and that from what they had observed, that did absolutely NOTHING - he seemed to have absolutely no idea what he was being spanked for.

But that isn't the end of the story.  She had learned OTHER ways to control his behavior.   Spanking simply did not work, he didn't understand cause and effect.   But she learned to use redirection, and a technique called 'shaping', that actually DID help, a LOT.  

So, as far as my experience goes, I have found that BOTH sides can be out of line, in different situations.  Sometimes a parent expects too much accomodation for their child and is very unreasonable, and sometimes, people out in public are very unreasonable to PARENTS, and unfair to parents of kids with disabilities, who are out in public.  

There is still a tendency for some people to think that disabled people should be hidden away and that every single trace of 'bad behavior', from making a peep to rocking, can be smacked and paddled and spanked out of every child in the world   Some people really are extremely unreasonable.   Yes, some of it is ignorance, but much of it is simply unreasonable and unfair.

As far as the OP?   I wouldn't assume that she was wrong in every single situation, but nor would I assume she was right in every single situation.   And I do very much believe - being able to handle situations adroitly and fairly to all, is an awful lot about acceptance and coming to terms with things.   An awful lot of parents simply are still grieving and hurting miserably and acutely, every second, and they haven't yet got to the acceptance stage - and in some situations, that hard fought acceptance flies out the window, and a lot of pain and hurt and lost dreams become overwhelming, but as time goes on, it can and does, get better. 

mom2hadley
by Heather on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:48 AM
I am so sorry! People can be so cruel :(
SadeAyosmom
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:52 AM

who ever uses that word is evil. despicable.

im sorry assholes make you feel this.

noholdingback
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 6:43 AM
I just hate the fact he has to hurt because of peoples ignorance. Poor guy. Poor you, having to watch your innocence baby get looked down on. You are one strong woman.


Quoting Anonymous:

 Oh, no! I am sorry, didn't mean to make you cry. We just had a really bad day today and I needed to let off steam.




Quoting noholdingback:

This made me tear up. Much love to you and your beautiful boy.



 


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Jenniy
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 6:47 AM

Last summer I had my kids at the playground, my youngest is in a wheelchair and I've heard some things that make me want to hurt people.  I try and ignore it, can't always though. **hugs**

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