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Wtf boobs?!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 65 Replies
21 moms liked this

Dear Boobs,

    You were once pert little buds, although I took you for granted. While you were pert, soft and round, I wanted what most young girls want at one point or another. Big boobs. Or... at least bigger. Just not my little small end of B cups. That desire was granted, but along with bountiful boobs, came a bountiful, growing belly. You sat a top my growing belly like two beautiful coconut goddesses. Full, firm and round. We soon headed out on a new journey. A place you had never been before--The D cup. 

It wasn't long before my growing belly turned in to a precious baby in my arms, and Boobs...You were looking good, nestled closely like the bond of twin sisters, and you were, indeed "The Twins." Milk flowed through you to nourish my young, and then  that journey ended. I woke up one morning, getting dressed to witness a horror. "Where are my boobs?!" Let's get real. It was more like "The f--- is this shit??!!" These boobs were foreign, and I did not recognize them. The skin seemed to be less taught. I couldn't pull the skin like that before?! Their glorious, spherical shape now looked sloped, droopy and sad.

So, I sat and pondered the meaning of life, questions unanswered, and then it hit me. My lower hanging, 'melting ice-cream down a playground slide' looking boobs, were introduced to the...push-up bra. Great, right? RIGHT? Wrong. Boobs, I feel betrayed. Here I sit in my ultra, double push up bra, and I have a wonky boob that seems to be trying to get away from the other, and doesn't quite fill up the cup, and the other, over filling the cup causing the infamous "muffin boob." What's going on here??!! 

My pert little B's are gone. My bountiful D's are gone. You two no longer go near each other. You try to scurry away in to my arm pits when I lie down. Left boob wants to stay in a C cup. Right boob wants in a B cup. When I shove you together in my push-up, it is not two mounds of perfectly symmetrical cleavage. It is one round mound, then some weird, squished mound, with what looks like a weird gap thing in between you now. I am writing this to my boobs to say shame on you, boobs for letting me experience your brief awesomeness, then BAM! Taking it all away. Why let me experience that awesomeness if I can't keep it? It's like buying someone a present, letting them play with it for a moment, then telling them they can't actually keep it.  This is cruelty at a whole new level! 

                               Sincerely, 

                                        Owner of the twins the sad, wonky, ice-cream boobs who seem to fear one another now.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:44 AM

Bump

AA2.0
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:46 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel so bad for laughing, but the way you wrote this is awesome.

Kids do the darnedest things to our bodies.
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noholdingback
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:49 AM
2 moms liked this
Hahahahahahaahahha!! By far the greatest thing ever on cafemom! I laughed so hard, I woke up the baby thanks.
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ashleighmama
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:50 AM
1 mom liked this
Ha ha! Lmao! I SOOO know the feeling :-( Except both of mine are the same size and still DDs, BUT, theyre saggy DDs. They look nice in an uncofortable as hell bra with maybe a low cut top on, but once the bra comes off, its a whole nother story, they just kinda DROP. They just wanna hang there :-(
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JulieBoyd
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:50 AM
Lmao this was a great post, i know what your going thru except my b's only went to very big saggy c's they sag to my knees when i bend over and its terrible, makes me sad
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JulieBoyd
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:52 AM
2 moms liked this
Lmao i just did the same thing, i was crying! This post was great


Quoting noholdingback:

Hahahahahahaahahha!! By far the greatest thing ever on cafemom! I laughed so hard, I woke up the baby thanks.

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my_babies_n_me
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:53 AM
You are a great writer, thanks for the laugh...lol.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:53 AM
2 moms liked this
LOL my favorite part was "you try to scurry away into my armpits when I lie down"...so true lol
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:54 AM

lol!!

RoseBlossom
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:56 AM

damn i was just thinking about my saggy boobs a few days ago. as i look in the mirror i realize how much lower they are now rather than what they used to be. but 4 kids will do that to you. plus sometimes i hate that i have stretch marks on them.

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