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I know I'm wrong, but need to hear it - ETA at bottom of OP

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am 47 separated and lonely. My oldest dd is 24 and has been in a relationship for about a year. We are close, but she has done some things that has put some distance between us. Years ago she had a one week long fling with a guy that she had feelings for, but he never saw her as more than a friend. He is now 37. Fast forward 3 years and they got back in touch through FB and he came over one night to simply hang out and catch up. I was there and we clicked and all 3 of us had a good time. As soon as he left, she said she realized she still had feelings for him, although she knew it was one sided and that they had no chance of ever being together and she has no intention of ending her relationship with the bf. The same night that we all 3 hung out, the guy started texting me and we talked for about 3 months just innocently getting to know each other. We did decide right away to not let my dd know we were talking because it really had nothing to do with her. Anyway, recently we realized we are both feeling a little bit more than a friendship, but neither have any desire to be in a relationship so it made sense to become fwbs. For the past month we have been meeting up in person, hanging out, having fun and having sex. I know I shouldn't do it because if my dd ever found it, I'm sure it would hurt her because of the feelings she's had for him. Even though I care for him, he and I will never be more than fwbs for alot of reasons, but it's what we want to do for now. Am I betraying my dd?? I feel like I am, even though their fling was a long time ago and I am entitled to have my own feelings for the guy. I don't want to stop seeing him yet, but I hate feeling guilty about it. WWYD?

ETA- Would it make the situation any different if I said the reason for the distance between my dd and me is because I recently accidently found out that about a year ago when we all lived together, she and my stbx (her step-father of 1 year at the time) got incredibly trashed one night and fucked while I was upstairs asleep? He let it slip, then filled me in on the details during a huge argument one night. Then later told me the disgust, guilt and remorse they both felt was the reason they suddenly hated each other overnight. She adamantly denies it ever happened, but he gave me proof that it did.  Talk about betrayal - she fucked the love of my life whom I planned to grow old with. He's obviously history to me now, but she's still my daughter and I love her more than life, but I can't even begin to forgive her. And NO, the guy I've been seeing is in no way a payback or to get even with her. It's just a situation that came about and got out of hand. But, I will admit knowing what she did to me has been my justification for what I'm doing when I feel bad about it.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:17 AM
Replies (21-30):
by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this
Now there's some class! To put sex and an extremely unhealthy relationship before your child's feelings is Jerry Springer level sick.
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:29 AM

Bless your heart. If you want to hear  how wrong you are, you've come to the right place.

Break it off. You're engaged in vicinity fucking. Hes in the vicinity, hence the fucking. Put someone else in the vicinity, they may be just as appealing. A bunch of good o's is not worth your already tough relationship with your kid.

Tell him you dont see a future, and end it.

by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:32 AM

Yep, totally wrong. I get where you are coming from though being older than you, you are lonely and want to feel needed but you are being used IMO.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:42 AM

I'd automatically be grossed out by the idea of having sex with ANYONE my child had sex with.. That's just gross, I don't care what anyone else thinks, yeah life happens blah blah blah but if there are certainly two people who's previous partners would NEVER have to worry about me having in interest in them it's my mother and my daughters previous lovers, I wouldn't care if it was one time on a stormy night near an alley, I don't care they had sex it would gross me out. And oobviously other than that I respect family enough to never cross the line of dating, sleeping or attempting to share something, anything intimate with someone they ppreviously shared something with for the simple fact not everyone is honest with emotions and they might not tell me just how important said person was to them, I know I have Ex's who I RESLLY adored but I downplay it at times if its brought up, I'm sure we all do. I just don't see how this helps a strained relationship, there's not much to it though its already done so regardless of what you do now you've betrayed trust and further injured your relationship with her .. All for sex ;) 

by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:54 AM

Kind of, especially if you knew she still had feelings for him.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:57 AM

how nasty to let that wick dip into you after it's been in your child.  there are certain lines you just don't cross, and you didn't just cross it but leapt across it in a graceless leap of shame.

any time you have to start something by saying "don't say anything", it's wrong.  plain and simple.

by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 2, 2013 at 9:00 AM
1 mom liked this
I shudder at the thought of sucking a di@k that had been inside my daughter.
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:33 AM
How do you know she did that, what proof did you get?

Not saying it didn't happen, just curious.
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:38 AM

Wow, this is too messed up to even begin to think of what is right and wrong. is all wrong. The only right thing is that you love your daughter. I think the two of you should swear off sex or totally separate. Obviously, you are in some sort of sick contest with one another for men, whether you want to admit it or not.

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:39 AM
way to go, mom.
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