I know I'm wrong, but need to hear it - ETA at bottom of OP
- 56 Replies
I am 47 separated and lonely. My oldest dd is 24 and has been in a relationship for about a year. We are close, but she has done some things that has put some distance between us. Years ago she had a one week long fling with a guy that she had feelings for, but he never saw her as more than a friend. He is now 37. Fast forward 3 years and they got back in touch through FB and he came over one night to simply hang out and catch up. I was there and we clicked and all 3 of us had a good time. As soon as he left, she said she realized she still had feelings for him, although she knew it was one sided and that they had no chance of ever being together and she has no intention of ending her relationship with the bf. The same night that we all 3 hung out, the guy started texting me and we talked for about 3 months just innocently getting to know each other. We did decide right away to not let my dd know we were talking because it really had nothing to do with her. Anyway, recently we realized we are both feeling a little bit more than a friendship, but neither have any desire to be in a relationship so it made sense to become fwbs. For the past month we have been meeting up in person, hanging out, having fun and having sex. I know I shouldn't do it because if my dd ever found it, I'm sure it would hurt her because of the feelings she's had for him. Even though I care for him, he and I will never be more than fwbs for alot of reasons, but it's what we want to do for now. Am I betraying my dd?? I feel like I am, even though their fling was a long time ago and I am entitled to have my own feelings for the guy. I don't want to stop seeing him yet, but I hate feeling guilty about it. WWYD?
ETA- Would it make the situation any different if I said the reason for the distance between my dd and me is because I recently accidently found out that about a year ago when we all lived together, she and my stbx (her step-father of 1 year at the time) got incredibly trashed one night and fucked while I was upstairs asleep? He let it slip, then filled me in on the details during a huge argument one night. Then later told me the disgust, guilt and remorse they both felt was the reason they suddenly hated each other overnight. She adamantly denies it ever happened, but he gave me proof that it did. Talk about betrayal - she fucked the love of my life whom I planned to grow old with. He's obviously history to me now, but she's still my daughter and I love her more than life, but I can't even begin to forgive her. And NO, the guy I've been seeing is in no way a payback or to get even with her. It's just a situation that came about and got out of hand. But, I will admit knowing what she did to me has been my justification for what I'm doing when I feel bad about it.
You are being used and it will be at the expense of yur daughter. IMO, not worth it.
Your having sex with a guy your daughter had sex with and she still has feelings for What are u thinking
Having a 23 year old daughter and I can't imagine doing to her what you are doing to your daughter. Yes, you are betraying her but not only by having a relationship with this guy but also by doing it behind her back. You say in your post that daughter has done some things in the past that put distance between you is this your way of paying her back? Just my opinion but starting a relationship in a deceitful way is never good.
They are trying to ban buying soda from FS
Do you REGRET having kids